Glass of Water
- a dark comedy in one act -
by Michael Brandonisio
Characters: Lee. Mid-30s, medium height and build.
Anton. Mid-30s, medium height and build.
Setting: A plain room with a single window upstage right. The window has a shade
drawn across it, letting in a hint of daylight. Near the window, a stand-up
wardrobe closet.
Stage left, a door. Upstage left, off center, a well-worn sofa.
Stage right, a mid-sized table with four chairs. Near this table a cot and a lamp
with lampshade on a tall stand.
LEE sits in a rocking chair in center of room. Rocking back and forth. He wears a long sleeve, white button down shirt with the top button fastened. Gray pants. Lee stares into space as he rocks in the chair.
A small table is positioned next to Lee. A thick hardcover book and two drinking glasses lie on top of the table. One of the drinking glasses is half-full with water. The other is empty. Alongside the drinking glasses and book, a white plastic Rx pill bottle.
Near the small table, down stage left, a turned off analog television set with a rabbit ears antenna facing out towards the audience.
Lee looks at the small table. He stops rocking in the chair. Lee averts his gaze from the table. Starts rocking in chair again as he stares straight ahead. He gazes again at the table. Stops rocking. Picks up the book from the table. Turns the pages at random.
There is a knock at the door. Pause.
Lee looks at the door. Pause.
ANTON enters the room.
ANTON: How’ve you been, Lee?
Anton closes door. He wears a dark blazer, black pants and a gray shirt with top button fastened. Anton takes a few steps towards Lee. Lee puts the book back on the table.
LEE: I heard you knock, but did you hear me say come in?
ANTON: I thought I did. May I sit down?
LEE: If you so desire.
ANTON: Yes, I would. Thank you.
Anton crosses to mid-sized table stage right, chooses a chair and drags it to where Lee is.
Anton remains standing. He takes off his jacket and drapes it over the chair.
LEE: You know, Anton, desire is a funny thing.
ANTON: How so?
LEE: You know.
ANTON: Of course I do, Lee.
Anton chuckles.
LEE: Well, there you go. Nothing less, nothing more.
Anton looks at the small table next to Lee with the various objects on it.
ANTON: Have you been reading?
LEE: In a way, I suppose. But I don’t read in the traditional sense. I gave that up.
ANTON: So, what do you do instead?
LEE: I gaze.
ANTON: You mean you gaze at the page without actually reading the words?
LEE: Yes. I gaze and absorb.
ANTON: There must be a reason you gaze and absorb while not reading.
LEE: There is.
Anton waits for Lee to continue with his explanation, but Lee keeps mum.
ANTON: Will you tell me why you gaze and absorb while not reading?
LEE: I just might if you just stopped asking me silly questions all the time. Sit down.
ANTON: I will. I’m sorry if I upset you.
LEE: You don’t upset me. You simply annoy me.
ANTON: I’m sorry, Lee. Do you want me to go?
LEE: No. Stay. I just don’t want to hear anything more about how sorry you are.
Anton irked, turns away from Lee. Lee is relaxed. Anton turns, faces Lee.
ANTON:(calm, yet edgy) I’ll tell you this, Lee. My sorrow, my sorrow doesn’t mean
I still don’t care about you. It’s not a fifty-fifty proposition.
LEE: Yes, no doubt. That’s what it means. Winner takes all.
ANTON:(calmer): That’s right. I don’t do things by half.
LEE: Hmmm, I understand. Would you like a glass of water?
Anton points at the glass of water on the small table next to Lee.
ANTON: That one?
LEE: Yes, that one.
ANTON: I would prefer a fresh glass of water. Thank you.
LEE: But there’s nothing wrong with this particular glass of water. I haven’t put it to
my lips. It’s not contaminated. I wouldn’t poison you, Anton. You’re my last link
to a world gone all coo-coo bird.
ANTON: I understand. I love you like a brother, too. Did you take your meds today?
LEE: I did, Anton. I did.
ANTON: No lie?
LEE: Lee doesn’t lie. Why don’t you sit down?
ANTON: But the water, as you yourself said, hasn’t been touched. You couldn’t have
taken the meds.
LEE: Don’t be such a fusspot. I don’t need to drink water to take them.
ANTON: Of course, you do. Otherwise, you’d choke to death.
LEE: No, I wouldn’t. I do it all the time. I’m an expert. I just took a couple before you
arrived. Would you like to try some with the water?
ANTON: No. I’m fine, Lee. I’m fine.
LEE: Still, we shouldn’t let this water go to waste.
ANTON: You can drink it. I won’t stop you.
LEE: I’m not in the least bit thirsty, but you look like you might be. Sit down.
Lee picks up the glass of water and offers it to Anton. Anton takes the glass and looks at it closely. Inspecting it.
ANTON: Hmmm, it looks clean.
LEE: That’s because it is clean. Go ahead, Anton. Down the hatch.
Anton places the glass of water under his nose. Sniffs it.
ANTON: It smells clean.
LEE: Yes, it has a nice fresh smell to it.
ANTON: Yes, like beautiful flowers. It makes you want to drink it.
Anton brings the glass to his lips.
LEE: No, don’t. It could be poisoned.
ANTON: But we both agreed that the water is not contaminated.
Lee stands up from the rocking chair.
LEE: I said poisoned , not contaminated. There’s a difference. Anyway, we can’t
believe everything we hear, or so I’ve heard. One never truly knows. That’s what
the old village idiot used to say to me. ‘Son, in life, one never truly knows.’ He
never did. Sit down, Anton. Relax.
Anton goes to the rocking chair and sits. He puts the glass of water down on the table.
LEE
I’ll be right back.
Lee picks up the empty glass from the table. He crosses to the door, opens it and walks out, closing the door behind him.
Anton starts rocking in the chair. The Rx bottle on the table catches his eye. He stops rocking. He picks up the Rx bottle. Looks at it closely. Opens it. Looks into it.
ANTON: Let’s see.
He pours out a handful of pills. Pops them into his mouth. Chews and swallows them down without water.
ANTON: Hmmm. Not bad. Tastes like candy.
He pops more pills into his mouth. Chews and swallows them down. Sits quietly in the rocking chair. He seems to expect something to happen. Nothing happens. He starts rocking in the chair again. Back and forth. Faster and faster.
Anton gradually slows down until the rocking chair comes to a full stop. He stays perfectly still for some time, gazing straight ahead.
He shuts his eyes. After a while, his head slumps to one side. Silence.
LIGHTS on stage begin to dim.
The television in the room suddenly switches on by itself. Black and white image of American flag, blowing in the wind. Lee’s face superimposed on flag.
LIGHTS continue to dim.
LEE (on TV)
And so it goes, old friend. And so it goes,
it goes, and it goes. Where it stops, one
never knows. One never knows…never…
never…never…never.
Total darkness now on stage except for a spotlight on the glass of water half-full on the small table and Lee’s face on the television screen, staring out.
Hold for some time. Abruptly the television goes black. The only thing left visible on stage is the glass of water half-full. Hold for some time.
LIGHTS dim on the glass of water until it is no longer seen.
Hold on blackness.
CURTAIN
Friday, July 16, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Hello, I have attached my short one-act play, Absolution, to this email for consideration in your magazine. I am a student at Saint Mary's College pursuing a BA in English Writing and a BFA in Studio Art. I've maintained a particular fascination with playwriting due to my involvement with theatre as a backstage technician. This play was inspired by personal struggles with giving and receiving forgiveness. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or responses to my work. Thank you for your time.
Caitlin Duerinck
Absolution
(The scene is a six-by eight prison cell which contains one bed, a chair and toilet facilities. There is also a folding table supporting a tray which contains deep-dish pizza, fried chicken, garlic bread, orange cream soda and white cupcakes with chocolate frosting. LIGHTS rise on BOBBY, a convict, sitting on the bed, consuming the food. A GUARD unlocks the cell and MATTHEW, a young priest, enters, standing nervously.
Bobby
(Glancing up and gesturing with a half-eaten cupcake)
Look. Look at this! They managed to get Gino’s East all the way from Chicago, but they couldn’t find funfetti cake mix!
(muttering)
They’re obviously communist. Can’t even get a man’s last meal right.
(pauses)
You’re not the normal guy.
MATthew
No, Father Machlon’s been ill recently. I’m Father Williams.
Bobby
(eating pizza)
Huh. You’re too young to be father of anything. What’s your real name, kid?
Matthew
(reluctantly)
Matthew.
Bobby
Well, Matt, I’m Bobby Padon.
(BOBBY extends his hand. MATTHEW hesitantly shakes it, then sits on the spare chair.)
BOBBY
Thanks for coming down.
Matthew
(somewhat sharply)
It’s my duty. Are you ready to make peace with the Lord?
Bobby
(scoffing)
Please. I’m in the middle of my dinner.
(BOBBY eats a cupcake in silence. MATTHEW shifts uncomfortably, leaning forward.)
MATTHEW
Are you a Christian, Mr. Padon?
BOBBY
Nah, eight years of Catholic school beat God right out of me. And the name’s Bobby.
MATTHEW
(exasperated)
Then why, in the name of all that is good, would you request religious counsel when you have no religion?
(BOBBY puts down the cupcake and pauses.)
BOBBY
I’ve got no faith. Haven’t for years.
(pause)
But the one boy did. He, he had this medal, ya see, and he was holding onto it, holding it so hard. And he wouldn’t let it go, not even when I was whaling on him. He just, just curled up and held onto that damn medal.
(MATTHEW stands, leaving the bible on his chair.)
MATTHEW
Do you want to make a confession?
(MATTHEW paces, fingering his saint medal. BOBBY shakes his head, laughing bitterly)
BOBBY
I never denied what I done. I killed him and the two other boys he was with. That medal’s what got me convicted, did ya know that? I ripped it outta the boy’s hand and took it home, idiot that I was. I didn’t want him to have it if it meant so much. Not after what they took from me.
(picks up his cupcake)
Funfetti cupcakes were her favorite.
(MATTHEW walks behind the folding chair and grips it.)
MATTHEW
I don’t understand. What do you want from me?
BOBBY
(introspectively, while eating)
It’s a bit ironic, isn’t it? The thing I stole from the body of that kid sent me here. It’s almost like divine justice.
(BOBBY puts down his food and turns to face MATTHEW.)
BOBBY
I don’t know what to say. The guards said I should prepare some last words. That I should ask for forgiveness from the families. But I don’t want it, not from them. Never from them.
(BOBBY pauses, looks at his hands, then at MATTHEW.)
BOBBY
It’s not like it would change anything. I’d still be here, and their boys, their boys would still be dead by my hands.
MATTHEW
You could apologize. They might-
BOBBY
(cutting off MATTHEW, shouting)
NO! No. I can’t do it. I won’t.
MATTHEW
(frustrated)
Why? Don’t you think it will give them some measure of comfort that the murderer of their sons at least regrets his actions?
(BOBBY stands, nearly knocking over his tray. BOBBY leans towards MATTHEW. MATTHEW steps backwards, away from BOBBY.)
BOBBY
(suppressed anger)
Maybe. Maybe it would help ‘em, but I’m no liar, and I’m not liable to start now.
(BOBBY points a finger at MATTHEW)
I don’t regret it.
MATTHEW
(leans further away from BOBBY)
How can you not regret your actions?
BOBBY
(Shouting)
Because they deserved what they got! They fuckin’ deserved it!
MATTHEW
(desperately)
They were seventeen years old!
BOBBY
And had been dealing for years.
(Barking laugh)
You can bet they didn’t give a rat’s ass when their customers, young idiots like my sister, started dropping from their tainted drugs. I was doing the city a favor, getting scum like them off the streets.
MATTHEW
(viciously)
But they weren’t all criminals, were they?
(BOBBY backs off and sinks onto his seat. He rests his head in his hands. MATTHEW stands tense.)
BOBBY
(weakly)
No. no, they weren’t all worthless. Tony Lombardi and Eric Freeman, they got what was coming to them. They hurt me, so I hurt back. If it hadn’ta been me, it would have been some other brother or father or husband who watched their loved one overdose and die in some piss-poor little clinic.
(pause)
But that one boy… Elliot… he was different. And what the hell could I possibly say to his family that would make what I did even the least little bit less painful, huh?
(MATTHEW moves toward BOBBY.)
MATTHEW
Anything. If you had said anything at all, expressed even the slightest shred of remorse then maybe, maybe we wouldn’t have hurt so bad for all these years.
BOBBY
(looking up at MATTHEW, sharply)
We?
MATTHEW
Elliot Williams was my older brother.
(BOBBY leans away from MATTHEW, keeping his head up but not looking at MATTHEW. MATTHEW stands behind chair, holding it tightly.)
BOBBY
Your…you… and they let you come here? The priests sent you here, knowing?
MATTHEW
(sharply shakes head once)
They didn’t know. Father Machlon suspected, but he didn’t ask. I think he knew that I needed to see you.
BOBBY
(growing angry)
Why? Why now?
MATTHEW
For eighteen years my parents kept me away from what you did. They didn’t let me go to the trials or watch the news. They didn’t even take me to the funeral.
(MATTHEW looking down, unhappily)
I missed by brother’s funeral. And he was a good brother.
(MATTHEW pauses, touches his saint medal)
Elliot’s birthday was last week. He promised me he’d have a Pulitzer by the time he was 35. He wanted to be-
BOBBY
(cutting MATTHEW off)
A journalist. Yeah, I know. They told me that’s why he was out there. An expose on teen drug dealers.
MATTHEW
(showing medal to BOBBY)
I gave him that medal when he started that piece. Saint Maximilian Kolbe, patron saint of Journalists and drug addicts. I thought it would guard him. Turns out it wasn’t the gangsters he needed protection from.
BOBBY
(Angry)
He shouldn’t have been out there.
MATTHEW
I know. You think I don’t know that, that I don’t regret doing it?
(pause)
I’m the one that covered for Elliot, told our parents he was staying over at a friend’s so he could get an “accurate perspective”. He was out there that night because of me, because I lied. And then you killed him. If I’d just told him no…
(MATTHEW picks up the bible on the chair and sits, leaning forward and looking at the bible.)
BOBBY
He would have found another way. Nothing would be different.
MATTHEW
Maybe. Maybe, but it hurts, knowing that I could have saved him and didn’t.
(BOBBY stands, going to the window and looking up at it, his back to MATTHEW.)
BOBBY
He was a fool, a moron for going places he didn’t-
(MATTHEW jumps to his feet, gesturing with the bible threateningly. BOBBY turns to face him.)
MATTHEW
(furiously)
Don’t you dare! Don’t you even dare try to defend what happened! You beat an innocent child until he stopped breathing.(despairingly) And my brother priests? They want me to forgive that? I can’t even forgive myself.
(MATTHEW sits, exhausted.)
BOBBY
I don’t need their forgiveness. Or yours.
MATTHEW
But don’t you…
BOBBY
(sharply)
Don’t I what? Wish I could go back in time and beat my own stupid, angry self so I don’t do anything brash? Done something, anything so those boys might have survived?(pauses) No. of course not. There’s no point in wishing for might-have–beens. Wishes don’t change anything.
(BOBBY walks to the cot and sits. He pokes at the food on the tray with a fork.)
MATTHEW
That doesn’t mean the wishing hurts anyone.
BOBBY
(tossing the fork on the tray with flair)
Oh, doesn’t it now? Then tell me, Father Williams, has your wishing done any good? Have your most heartfelt prayers been answered? Has your brother risen from the grave like Jesus-the-Lord hisownself? How does it feel to know that your God has ignored your wishes?
MATTHEW
(defensive)
He has not ignored my prayers. Since his funeral I have never, not once, prayed that Elliot would rise from the dead.
BOBBY
Then what do you pray for, oh benevolent and all-knowing Father?
MATTHEW
(angrily)
I prayed for the strength to come here and look into your eyes. To find out, after all these years, if you really are the monster I’d built up in my head as a child. But you’re not. You’re just a man. And somehow that makes it worse.
(MATTHEW stands, holding the bible, and walks towards the window, speaking almost to himself.)
MATTHEW
I don’t understand. How could you hurt someone so badly when you’re just a man?
BOBBY
What do you want me to say? That I was angry? Or young? That I was stricken out of my mind with grief? Even if those are true, excuses are worthless.
MATTHEW
(turns to face BOBBY)
But so is revenge. Retribution only ever increases pain, by magnifying it in our hearts and spreading it to others.
BOBBY
I know that now. But back then all I saw was my sister seizing on the floor and it hurt so damn much. It still hurts.(softly) How the hell was I supposed to make it stop?
(MATTHEW stands behind his chair.)
MATTHEW
The lord teaches us that the only way to ease pain is to forgive the one who hurt you.
BOBBY
But how do you do that?
MATTHEW
(in disbelief, near tears)
I don’t know. I pray and I pray and I pray for guidance but I just don’t know.
(MATTHEW paces wildly, talking almost to himself. BOBBY follows with his eyes but doesn’t try to interrupt or move.)
MATTHEW
Father Machlon told me that forgiveness involves two steps undertaken between two people. The guilty must ask for absolution and the wronged chooses to grant it. The wronged chooses to let go of the pain and forget.
(MATTHEW pauses near the window with his back to BOBBY, looking upwards.)
He always said forgiveness was a choice, a choice which must be made freely.
(MATTHEW turns quickly and throws his saint medal against the upstage wall somewhat near BOBBY, but not directly aimed at him. BOBBY flinches, but otherwise sits motionless, face downcast.)
MATTHEW
(angrily, with a hit of despair)
But it isn’t. It isn’t a choice at all, not for me.
(pause, clenches fists)
My faith requires that I forgive you. God, I wish I could forgive you. But every single time I try to let go, to forget, I imagine what was left of my brother after you finished with him and I’m reminded of how much I hate you.
BOBBY
(softly)
I hate me too. God, I hate me.
(GUARD enters. BOBBY and MATTHEW turn quickly to face him, surprised at his entrance. GUARD gestures towards the door. BOBBY nods, stands, pauses at the door to the cell and exits, moving downstage center. GUARD exits. MATTHEW faces audiences, but stays in the cell. LIGHTS fade to two spotlights on MATTHEW and BOBBY as they move into position.)
BOBBY MATTHEW
To the families of Tony God the Father of Mercies has
Lombardi, Eric Freeman and reconciled the world to
and Elliot Williams, I want Himself through the death
to apologize most sincerely and resurrection of His Son
for the pain and sadness I and has poured forth the Holy
I have caused you. I thought Spirit for the forgiveness of
what I did was right, but it sins. May he grant you pardon
wasn’t. It wasn’t and I’m and peace through the
sorry. I’m so sorry. Ministry of the Church.
BOBBY
I hope you can forgive me one day.
(BOBBY’s LIGHT fades instantly to black. MATTHEW pauses, picks up the medal and looks at it closely while crouching. MATTHEW clutches the medal in a fist and stands.)
MATTHEW
And I absolve you from your sin in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.
(LIGHTS fade to black. The end of the play).
Caitlin Duerinck
Absolution
(The scene is a six-by eight prison cell which contains one bed, a chair and toilet facilities. There is also a folding table supporting a tray which contains deep-dish pizza, fried chicken, garlic bread, orange cream soda and white cupcakes with chocolate frosting. LIGHTS rise on BOBBY, a convict, sitting on the bed, consuming the food. A GUARD unlocks the cell and MATTHEW, a young priest, enters, standing nervously.
Bobby
(Glancing up and gesturing with a half-eaten cupcake)
Look. Look at this! They managed to get Gino’s East all the way from Chicago, but they couldn’t find funfetti cake mix!
(muttering)
They’re obviously communist. Can’t even get a man’s last meal right.
(pauses)
You’re not the normal guy.
MATthew
No, Father Machlon’s been ill recently. I’m Father Williams.
Bobby
(eating pizza)
Huh. You’re too young to be father of anything. What’s your real name, kid?
Matthew
(reluctantly)
Matthew.
Bobby
Well, Matt, I’m Bobby Padon.
(BOBBY extends his hand. MATTHEW hesitantly shakes it, then sits on the spare chair.)
BOBBY
Thanks for coming down.
Matthew
(somewhat sharply)
It’s my duty. Are you ready to make peace with the Lord?
Bobby
(scoffing)
Please. I’m in the middle of my dinner.
(BOBBY eats a cupcake in silence. MATTHEW shifts uncomfortably, leaning forward.)
MATTHEW
Are you a Christian, Mr. Padon?
BOBBY
Nah, eight years of Catholic school beat God right out of me. And the name’s Bobby.
MATTHEW
(exasperated)
Then why, in the name of all that is good, would you request religious counsel when you have no religion?
(BOBBY puts down the cupcake and pauses.)
BOBBY
I’ve got no faith. Haven’t for years.
(pause)
But the one boy did. He, he had this medal, ya see, and he was holding onto it, holding it so hard. And he wouldn’t let it go, not even when I was whaling on him. He just, just curled up and held onto that damn medal.
(MATTHEW stands, leaving the bible on his chair.)
MATTHEW
Do you want to make a confession?
(MATTHEW paces, fingering his saint medal. BOBBY shakes his head, laughing bitterly)
BOBBY
I never denied what I done. I killed him and the two other boys he was with. That medal’s what got me convicted, did ya know that? I ripped it outta the boy’s hand and took it home, idiot that I was. I didn’t want him to have it if it meant so much. Not after what they took from me.
(picks up his cupcake)
Funfetti cupcakes were her favorite.
(MATTHEW walks behind the folding chair and grips it.)
MATTHEW
I don’t understand. What do you want from me?
BOBBY
(introspectively, while eating)
It’s a bit ironic, isn’t it? The thing I stole from the body of that kid sent me here. It’s almost like divine justice.
(BOBBY puts down his food and turns to face MATTHEW.)
BOBBY
I don’t know what to say. The guards said I should prepare some last words. That I should ask for forgiveness from the families. But I don’t want it, not from them. Never from them.
(BOBBY pauses, looks at his hands, then at MATTHEW.)
BOBBY
It’s not like it would change anything. I’d still be here, and their boys, their boys would still be dead by my hands.
MATTHEW
You could apologize. They might-
BOBBY
(cutting off MATTHEW, shouting)
NO! No. I can’t do it. I won’t.
MATTHEW
(frustrated)
Why? Don’t you think it will give them some measure of comfort that the murderer of their sons at least regrets his actions?
(BOBBY stands, nearly knocking over his tray. BOBBY leans towards MATTHEW. MATTHEW steps backwards, away from BOBBY.)
BOBBY
(suppressed anger)
Maybe. Maybe it would help ‘em, but I’m no liar, and I’m not liable to start now.
(BOBBY points a finger at MATTHEW)
I don’t regret it.
MATTHEW
(leans further away from BOBBY)
How can you not regret your actions?
BOBBY
(Shouting)
Because they deserved what they got! They fuckin’ deserved it!
MATTHEW
(desperately)
They were seventeen years old!
BOBBY
And had been dealing for years.
(Barking laugh)
You can bet they didn’t give a rat’s ass when their customers, young idiots like my sister, started dropping from their tainted drugs. I was doing the city a favor, getting scum like them off the streets.
MATTHEW
(viciously)
But they weren’t all criminals, were they?
(BOBBY backs off and sinks onto his seat. He rests his head in his hands. MATTHEW stands tense.)
BOBBY
(weakly)
No. no, they weren’t all worthless. Tony Lombardi and Eric Freeman, they got what was coming to them. They hurt me, so I hurt back. If it hadn’ta been me, it would have been some other brother or father or husband who watched their loved one overdose and die in some piss-poor little clinic.
(pause)
But that one boy… Elliot… he was different. And what the hell could I possibly say to his family that would make what I did even the least little bit less painful, huh?
(MATTHEW moves toward BOBBY.)
MATTHEW
Anything. If you had said anything at all, expressed even the slightest shred of remorse then maybe, maybe we wouldn’t have hurt so bad for all these years.
BOBBY
(looking up at MATTHEW, sharply)
We?
MATTHEW
Elliot Williams was my older brother.
(BOBBY leans away from MATTHEW, keeping his head up but not looking at MATTHEW. MATTHEW stands behind chair, holding it tightly.)
BOBBY
Your…you… and they let you come here? The priests sent you here, knowing?
MATTHEW
(sharply shakes head once)
They didn’t know. Father Machlon suspected, but he didn’t ask. I think he knew that I needed to see you.
BOBBY
(growing angry)
Why? Why now?
MATTHEW
For eighteen years my parents kept me away from what you did. They didn’t let me go to the trials or watch the news. They didn’t even take me to the funeral.
(MATTHEW looking down, unhappily)
I missed by brother’s funeral. And he was a good brother.
(MATTHEW pauses, touches his saint medal)
Elliot’s birthday was last week. He promised me he’d have a Pulitzer by the time he was 35. He wanted to be-
BOBBY
(cutting MATTHEW off)
A journalist. Yeah, I know. They told me that’s why he was out there. An expose on teen drug dealers.
MATTHEW
(showing medal to BOBBY)
I gave him that medal when he started that piece. Saint Maximilian Kolbe, patron saint of Journalists and drug addicts. I thought it would guard him. Turns out it wasn’t the gangsters he needed protection from.
BOBBY
(Angry)
He shouldn’t have been out there.
MATTHEW
I know. You think I don’t know that, that I don’t regret doing it?
(pause)
I’m the one that covered for Elliot, told our parents he was staying over at a friend’s so he could get an “accurate perspective”. He was out there that night because of me, because I lied. And then you killed him. If I’d just told him no…
(MATTHEW picks up the bible on the chair and sits, leaning forward and looking at the bible.)
BOBBY
He would have found another way. Nothing would be different.
MATTHEW
Maybe. Maybe, but it hurts, knowing that I could have saved him and didn’t.
(BOBBY stands, going to the window and looking up at it, his back to MATTHEW.)
BOBBY
He was a fool, a moron for going places he didn’t-
(MATTHEW jumps to his feet, gesturing with the bible threateningly. BOBBY turns to face him.)
MATTHEW
(furiously)
Don’t you dare! Don’t you even dare try to defend what happened! You beat an innocent child until he stopped breathing.(despairingly) And my brother priests? They want me to forgive that? I can’t even forgive myself.
(MATTHEW sits, exhausted.)
BOBBY
I don’t need their forgiveness. Or yours.
MATTHEW
But don’t you…
BOBBY
(sharply)
Don’t I what? Wish I could go back in time and beat my own stupid, angry self so I don’t do anything brash? Done something, anything so those boys might have survived?(pauses) No. of course not. There’s no point in wishing for might-have–beens. Wishes don’t change anything.
(BOBBY walks to the cot and sits. He pokes at the food on the tray with a fork.)
MATTHEW
That doesn’t mean the wishing hurts anyone.
BOBBY
(tossing the fork on the tray with flair)
Oh, doesn’t it now? Then tell me, Father Williams, has your wishing done any good? Have your most heartfelt prayers been answered? Has your brother risen from the grave like Jesus-the-Lord hisownself? How does it feel to know that your God has ignored your wishes?
MATTHEW
(defensive)
He has not ignored my prayers. Since his funeral I have never, not once, prayed that Elliot would rise from the dead.
BOBBY
Then what do you pray for, oh benevolent and all-knowing Father?
MATTHEW
(angrily)
I prayed for the strength to come here and look into your eyes. To find out, after all these years, if you really are the monster I’d built up in my head as a child. But you’re not. You’re just a man. And somehow that makes it worse.
(MATTHEW stands, holding the bible, and walks towards the window, speaking almost to himself.)
MATTHEW
I don’t understand. How could you hurt someone so badly when you’re just a man?
BOBBY
What do you want me to say? That I was angry? Or young? That I was stricken out of my mind with grief? Even if those are true, excuses are worthless.
MATTHEW
(turns to face BOBBY)
But so is revenge. Retribution only ever increases pain, by magnifying it in our hearts and spreading it to others.
BOBBY
I know that now. But back then all I saw was my sister seizing on the floor and it hurt so damn much. It still hurts.(softly) How the hell was I supposed to make it stop?
(MATTHEW stands behind his chair.)
MATTHEW
The lord teaches us that the only way to ease pain is to forgive the one who hurt you.
BOBBY
But how do you do that?
MATTHEW
(in disbelief, near tears)
I don’t know. I pray and I pray and I pray for guidance but I just don’t know.
(MATTHEW paces wildly, talking almost to himself. BOBBY follows with his eyes but doesn’t try to interrupt or move.)
MATTHEW
Father Machlon told me that forgiveness involves two steps undertaken between two people. The guilty must ask for absolution and the wronged chooses to grant it. The wronged chooses to let go of the pain and forget.
(MATTHEW pauses near the window with his back to BOBBY, looking upwards.)
He always said forgiveness was a choice, a choice which must be made freely.
(MATTHEW turns quickly and throws his saint medal against the upstage wall somewhat near BOBBY, but not directly aimed at him. BOBBY flinches, but otherwise sits motionless, face downcast.)
MATTHEW
(angrily, with a hit of despair)
But it isn’t. It isn’t a choice at all, not for me.
(pause, clenches fists)
My faith requires that I forgive you. God, I wish I could forgive you. But every single time I try to let go, to forget, I imagine what was left of my brother after you finished with him and I’m reminded of how much I hate you.
BOBBY
(softly)
I hate me too. God, I hate me.
(GUARD enters. BOBBY and MATTHEW turn quickly to face him, surprised at his entrance. GUARD gestures towards the door. BOBBY nods, stands, pauses at the door to the cell and exits, moving downstage center. GUARD exits. MATTHEW faces audiences, but stays in the cell. LIGHTS fade to two spotlights on MATTHEW and BOBBY as they move into position.)
BOBBY MATTHEW
To the families of Tony God the Father of Mercies has
Lombardi, Eric Freeman and reconciled the world to
and Elliot Williams, I want Himself through the death
to apologize most sincerely and resurrection of His Son
for the pain and sadness I and has poured forth the Holy
I have caused you. I thought Spirit for the forgiveness of
what I did was right, but it sins. May he grant you pardon
wasn’t. It wasn’t and I’m and peace through the
sorry. I’m so sorry. Ministry of the Church.
BOBBY
I hope you can forgive me one day.
(BOBBY’s LIGHT fades instantly to black. MATTHEW pauses, picks up the medal and looks at it closely while crouching. MATTHEW clutches the medal in a fist and stands.)
MATTHEW
And I absolve you from your sin in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.
(LIGHTS fade to black. The end of the play).
Friday, May 14, 2010
5 LB. TEST PRODUCTIONS
LOVE AT FIRST LIGHT
A SHORT PLAY
JEFF DAINTON
3/24/2010
ELROCKJD@AOL.COM
2
Darkness. THE HACKING COUGH of 1. Three ZIPPOS light 3 cigarettes, illuminating the faces of #2, #3 and #4 sitting in chairs. A fourth chair sits empty. The Zippos SNAP SHUT. Darkness. 1 enters and stands off stage. He tries to light a Zippo to see. No luck.
1: Can someone get the lights, please?
(Three Zippos light up. 1 enters. The Zippos SNAP SHUT, leaving the stage dark)
1: Cute. Now how about those lights?
3: Why bother? (Taking a drag)
1: Because I can’t see a damn thing, that’s why bother!
(3 lights his Zippo. 1 moves toward the empty chair. 3 SNAPS IT SHUT before he can get there. Darkness…again..
1: I’m not even sure why I agreed to do this with you people. (Finally sitting, fumbling w/ his chair.)
2: We’re not 100% sure why you agreed either. (Taking a drag.)
3: No idea. (Taking a drag.)
4: Not a clue. (Taking a drag.)
1: If I had any sense, I’d get up and walk right out of here.
4: You’d probably fall.
3: And break your neck.
2: Or worse.
1: How do you figure?
( 2, 3 and 4 light up their Zippos.)
2, 3, 4: No lights.
(2, 3, and 4 SNAP their Zippos SHUT. 2,3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE. They are free to do so at will throughout the piece but do so in unison when stage directed to. 1 COUGHS LOUDLY)
2: I would have that checked, if I were you.
3
4: Soon.
3: The sooner the better.
1: You guys should talk.
(2, 3, and 4 ADLIB about smoking related problems, illnesses, experiences, finishing their cigarettes.)
1: All right! Enough! I get it!
(2, 3, and 4 light up their Zippos and fresh cigarettes.)
1: Guess I walked into that one.
2: Head first.
4: Up to your eyeballs.
3: You invented That Walk.
1: Okay. I get the picture.
(2 lights his Zippo and holds out a cigarette for 1.)
2: Well?
1: Well, what?
2: Go on.
1: Go on with what?
4: With the picture.
1: My picture?
3: You said you got the picture.
1: I don’t think I like where this is going.
2: We know where it’s going. Just tell us when it came about.
(1 takes the cigarette from 2 and lights it with his “now working” (2nd) Zippo. He keeps the Zippo lit. )
4
1: This is so embarrassing. (Taking a long drag.)
4: We can wait.
1: I’m really not that good in front of an audience. (Taking another drag.)
2: Relax, take a deep breathe.
(1 INHALES DEEPLY and COUGHS, blowing out his lit Zippo.)
3: Too deep.
(2, 3, and 4 INHALE SLOWLY and DEEPLY then EXHALE. 1 re-lights his Zippo illuminating his face.)
1: It used to give me a hard on.
4: A What?!
2: A hard on.
1: Wait.
3: Oh, brother.
1: I swear to God. When I was maybe eight or nine years old, I snuck one from my Moms ashtray and it did.
(2, 3, and 4 wait for an explanation. Pause)
1: It gave me an erection.
3: How juvenile!
2: How Freudian.
4: How disgusting!
1: No really, it was one of those big, brown, thick, glass, 5 lb. jobbies.
( 2, 3, and 4 GASP/inhale in astonishment)
1: I meant the ashtray.
( 2, 3 and 4 EXHALE/COUGHING in relief.)
5
3: So 1970’s
4: So “Right on, Man!”
2: So...continue.
( 2, 3 and 4 INHALE/ EXHALE)
1: She would talk for hours on this faded, death-yellow, wall-mounted telephone we had there in the kitchen.
2: With that 22 foot long, pigtail extension cord she dragged from room to room and back until it wore itself clean down to the wiring, she’d get a snap-crackle of static on that old land-line and in mid-conversation, without missing a beat, she’d quick fix any sore spots with a band-aid or strip of white masking tape.
3: Good as new.
4: When Mother is on the phone, her whole spinning world comes to a complete stop.
1: She wouldn’t pay much attention putting out her cigarettes in that big, old, glass, door-stop posing as an ashtray just as long as they came to rest somewhere among the others.
2: Sometimes it was this rapid-fire, pistons-firing, stabbing and poking kind of motion she’d use until the cigarette and ashtray became one.
1: Like watching an impressionist artist in fast motion who’s been forced to work with some absurdist, quick-dry paint.
3: Heated conversation.
4: Other times it was this fly-by, one-stab and release move she’d use where the cigarette would lay there smoldering like a dying soldier left out on the battlefield.
1: I snatched one of these fallen heroes up and off that grey, sooty battlefield and gingerly carried it down into the dark recesses of the basement. I waited for a moment.
2: Heart racing.
3: Breathe shallow and rapid.
4: A child recognizing its first real wrong-doing.
1: Reacting like an adult.
6
2: Ready for battle if need be.
3: Hunted.
1: I stood there in the darkness studying its glow, its smell, its voice if listened close enough, its shivering columns of hot silver and grey painted breath as they’d rise and dance effortlessly skyward, exploding into cooling ripples of chaos on the slightest hint of a draft...! (Pause) And then I took my first drag.
(Pause)
2: How did it feel?
(Pause)
1: Love at first light.
3: Love at firs—ft!
4: We all felt that.
2: How do you feel now?
1: Fine.
2: We all felt fine but with a hint of…
1: A hint of…what?
3: Give it time.
(2, 3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE followed by 1 but he stops himself and stares at his cigarette. He reaches out for the burning tip in a daze. IT BURNS HIM.)
(Pause)
1: I think I know what’s going on here.
2: You do?
1: Sure. I’m not an idiot. (Licking and blowing on his reddened finger tip)
3: No? (Mocking him, licking and blowing his own finger)
1: No and who said that?
7
4: Not me.
2: Alright, let’s all just calm down.
1: I am calm!
( 2, 3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE. 1 does the same without realizing it.)
1: You guys have got me all wrong. I know what you’re trying to do.
(1 tries to light his Zippo. No go.)
3: So you know, so what.
1: Could one of you pleeeease do something about the lights? (Taking a drag.)
( 3 lights up his Zippo.)
3: “ Could one of you Pleeeease do something about the lights?”
( 3 SNAPS HIS ZIPPO SHUT.)
(1 FUMES)
2: Don’t let him get to you.
1: I’m not!
4: You are.
1: He started it! (Taking a drag)
3: Someone had to.
1: You see?!
2: So end it.
1: End it.
4: End it.
1: And how do I do that?
(Pause. 1 lights up a fresh cigarette.)
8
1: Look, I don’t even know if I’m supposed to be here.
4: I like this guy.
2: He is a keeper, isn’t he?
3: Oh, yeah!
4: For sure.
1: Hey.
2: Something different about him.
1: Hey.
4: I’ll say.
1: Hey!
3: Maybe it’s the way he French inhales.
1: Why don’t you guys talk to me like I’m in the room?!
(Pause)
3: (to 4) Such a temper.
1: There, you see!?
4: (To 3) Anger issues too.
1: Again!
2: Alright you two, that’ll do.
(All INHALE/EXHALE)
1: Thank you.
2: You’re quite welcome.
4: (to 3) I do like him.
3: (to 4) You would.
9
1: I wish I had gotten up and left when I had the chance.
2: Really.
1: Broken neck or not.
4: Ouch.
3: No one’s stopping you.
1: It’s not that easy.
2: Where would you rather be?
1: Anywhere is far better than here.
4: You think so?
1: Absolutely.
(ALL INHALE/EXHALE)
2: So, you wish that you got up and walked out of here.
1: I don’t know.
3: Good answer.
1: I don’t know why I have to be here.
2: You don’t Have to be anywhere.
4: But you Do have to be somewhere.
3: So why not make it nowhere?
1: You mean here.
2: He does.
4: He’s right.
1: But why does-
(3 lights his Zippo and stands towering over 1, yelling!)
10
3: Because the seed is already sewn!
(Pause. 3 takes his seat. ALL INHALE/EXHALE)
1: Fine. If this is my fate, then fine, so be it.
(1 stands and tries to light his Zippo. No go. He starts to exit but bumps into the chairs of 2, 3, and 4. They grab for him, circling, as he heads back to his chair, 2, 3, and 4 REPEAT/OVERLAP their following dialogue until 1 sits.)
2: It’s like flipping a coin, call it in the air, heads or tails, call it, call it call it!
3: Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!
4: It’s a fifty-fifty shot, take the chance, take the chance, take the chance!
(1 finally finds his seat and sits, defeated. Pause)
1: Why? Why is it so hard to leave?
2: Why do You think that is?
1: Why do I…Oh, I don’t know. Let me see… Poor lighting?!
(3 stands and approaches 1. He lights his Zippo and gets right in 1’s face)
3: Here’s a hint. This? All of this? It’s got nothing to do…with lighting.
(3 blows out his Zippo and returns to his seat.)
1: Fine. Great, good. Forget the lights. But if we could somehow remain “civil” toward one another then-
3: -Sheesh, what a loser.
1: Strike one for civility!
2: It’s not his fault.
1: On, no?!
2: He’s only here out of denial.
4: And what about me?
3: Stupidity.
1: I know why he’s so hostile toward me.
11
3: This ought to be good.
4: Stupid?
1: He’s angry.
3: Ang-You haven’t seen nothing yet!
4: I’m not stupid.
2: Continue.
(1 INHALES/EXHALES then drops his cigarette and stomps it out.)
4: Now that was stupid.
2: Interesting.
4: Did you see that?!
3: Big deal.
2: It’s interesting, what you just did.
4: Incredible!
1: You think so?
3: Oh yeah, a real “Thriller”.
1: I feel much better.
( 2, 3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE, COUGHING, WHEEZING)
2: Wish I could say the same.
4: Me too.
3: “Oh, and me too, I want to feel so much better, for sure”... Quitter.
1: Sticks and Stones.
2: Don’t let him get to you.
1: I don’t.
12
3: You do.
4: You don’t?
3: He does.
1: Not at all
4: Really?
1: Not a bit.
3: Not a b-he does.
4: Wow.
2: You don’t do you?
1: Why should I?
2: Good point.
4: Very.
3: He does.
2: A very good point.
1: Thank you.
4: Very good.
3: ( to 4) Traitor.
2: Let him finish.
1: I don’t because I don’t have too. I choose No over a sometimes maybe and a definite, always Yes. I made my choice. And all along, that was my problem. I wasn’t making a choice.
(Pause)
4: Oh, I like him.
2: I always have.
13
3: “I always have.”
4: Very much so.
2: Very much.
3: “Very, very, very, very.”
1: Thank you.
3: Hey.
2: You’re welcome.
3: Hey!
4: Quite welcome.
1: Thank you.
3: Hey!!!
2/4: What?!
3: He’s nothing! Why bother! Nothing but a hack! He invented that walk! A hack, too deep, how juvenile, oh brother, give it time, someone had too, such a temper, because the seed is already sewn, do it, do it, do it and, and, and, an, an, an, a, a, a, a...
(3 begins COUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY and eventually stops.)
3: (Exhausted) He’s nothing...He’s nothing but a hack...a hack…and a quitter.
2: What’s your point?
4: Yeah, what is your point?
3: (Still exhausted) ...no one…no one…no one likes a quitter.
( 3 FALLS out of his chair, FLAT-LINED and dead on the floor.)
LIGHTS UP.
(1 squints his eyes to the new found light. He is dressed in WHITE. 2 is dressed in YELLOW, 3 in BLACK and 4 in RED. 1 observes his surroundings for a beat, rises and acknowledges 2 and 4 as he exits. He stops and turns.
14
1: Hey.
(4 looks up. 1 takes out his Zippo and tries to light it. No go.)
1: Call it.
(1 tosses his Zippo to 4. 4 catches it.)
1: Good luck.
( 1 smiles and exits offstage. 4 looks at 2. 2 nods. 4 kneels down and takes 3’s Zippo and hands all three Zippos to 2. 2 nods and 4 exits offstage. 2 proceeds to light each Zippo and places them on the four empty chairs, 1, 4, 3 and his before exiting.)
LIGHTS OUT.
DARKNESS.
ZIPPOS GLARE.
THE END.
LOVE AT FIRST LIGHT
A SHORT PLAY
JEFF DAINTON
3/24/2010
ELROCKJD@AOL.COM
2
Darkness. THE HACKING COUGH of 1. Three ZIPPOS light 3 cigarettes, illuminating the faces of #2, #3 and #4 sitting in chairs. A fourth chair sits empty. The Zippos SNAP SHUT. Darkness. 1 enters and stands off stage. He tries to light a Zippo to see. No luck.
1: Can someone get the lights, please?
(Three Zippos light up. 1 enters. The Zippos SNAP SHUT, leaving the stage dark)
1: Cute. Now how about those lights?
3: Why bother? (Taking a drag)
1: Because I can’t see a damn thing, that’s why bother!
(3 lights his Zippo. 1 moves toward the empty chair. 3 SNAPS IT SHUT before he can get there. Darkness…again..
1: I’m not even sure why I agreed to do this with you people. (Finally sitting, fumbling w/ his chair.)
2: We’re not 100% sure why you agreed either. (Taking a drag.)
3: No idea. (Taking a drag.)
4: Not a clue. (Taking a drag.)
1: If I had any sense, I’d get up and walk right out of here.
4: You’d probably fall.
3: And break your neck.
2: Or worse.
1: How do you figure?
( 2, 3 and 4 light up their Zippos.)
2, 3, 4: No lights.
(2, 3, and 4 SNAP their Zippos SHUT. 2,3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE. They are free to do so at will throughout the piece but do so in unison when stage directed to. 1 COUGHS LOUDLY)
2: I would have that checked, if I were you.
3
4: Soon.
3: The sooner the better.
1: You guys should talk.
(2, 3, and 4 ADLIB about smoking related problems, illnesses, experiences, finishing their cigarettes.)
1: All right! Enough! I get it!
(2, 3, and 4 light up their Zippos and fresh cigarettes.)
1: Guess I walked into that one.
2: Head first.
4: Up to your eyeballs.
3: You invented That Walk.
1: Okay. I get the picture.
(2 lights his Zippo and holds out a cigarette for 1.)
2: Well?
1: Well, what?
2: Go on.
1: Go on with what?
4: With the picture.
1: My picture?
3: You said you got the picture.
1: I don’t think I like where this is going.
2: We know where it’s going. Just tell us when it came about.
(1 takes the cigarette from 2 and lights it with his “now working” (2nd) Zippo. He keeps the Zippo lit. )
4
1: This is so embarrassing. (Taking a long drag.)
4: We can wait.
1: I’m really not that good in front of an audience. (Taking another drag.)
2: Relax, take a deep breathe.
(1 INHALES DEEPLY and COUGHS, blowing out his lit Zippo.)
3: Too deep.
(2, 3, and 4 INHALE SLOWLY and DEEPLY then EXHALE. 1 re-lights his Zippo illuminating his face.)
1: It used to give me a hard on.
4: A What?!
2: A hard on.
1: Wait.
3: Oh, brother.
1: I swear to God. When I was maybe eight or nine years old, I snuck one from my Moms ashtray and it did.
(2, 3, and 4 wait for an explanation. Pause)
1: It gave me an erection.
3: How juvenile!
2: How Freudian.
4: How disgusting!
1: No really, it was one of those big, brown, thick, glass, 5 lb. jobbies.
( 2, 3, and 4 GASP/inhale in astonishment)
1: I meant the ashtray.
( 2, 3 and 4 EXHALE/COUGHING in relief.)
5
3: So 1970’s
4: So “Right on, Man!”
2: So...continue.
( 2, 3 and 4 INHALE/ EXHALE)
1: She would talk for hours on this faded, death-yellow, wall-mounted telephone we had there in the kitchen.
2: With that 22 foot long, pigtail extension cord she dragged from room to room and back until it wore itself clean down to the wiring, she’d get a snap-crackle of static on that old land-line and in mid-conversation, without missing a beat, she’d quick fix any sore spots with a band-aid or strip of white masking tape.
3: Good as new.
4: When Mother is on the phone, her whole spinning world comes to a complete stop.
1: She wouldn’t pay much attention putting out her cigarettes in that big, old, glass, door-stop posing as an ashtray just as long as they came to rest somewhere among the others.
2: Sometimes it was this rapid-fire, pistons-firing, stabbing and poking kind of motion she’d use until the cigarette and ashtray became one.
1: Like watching an impressionist artist in fast motion who’s been forced to work with some absurdist, quick-dry paint.
3: Heated conversation.
4: Other times it was this fly-by, one-stab and release move she’d use where the cigarette would lay there smoldering like a dying soldier left out on the battlefield.
1: I snatched one of these fallen heroes up and off that grey, sooty battlefield and gingerly carried it down into the dark recesses of the basement. I waited for a moment.
2: Heart racing.
3: Breathe shallow and rapid.
4: A child recognizing its first real wrong-doing.
1: Reacting like an adult.
6
2: Ready for battle if need be.
3: Hunted.
1: I stood there in the darkness studying its glow, its smell, its voice if listened close enough, its shivering columns of hot silver and grey painted breath as they’d rise and dance effortlessly skyward, exploding into cooling ripples of chaos on the slightest hint of a draft...! (Pause) And then I took my first drag.
(Pause)
2: How did it feel?
(Pause)
1: Love at first light.
3: Love at firs—ft!
4: We all felt that.
2: How do you feel now?
1: Fine.
2: We all felt fine but with a hint of…
1: A hint of…what?
3: Give it time.
(2, 3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE followed by 1 but he stops himself and stares at his cigarette. He reaches out for the burning tip in a daze. IT BURNS HIM.)
(Pause)
1: I think I know what’s going on here.
2: You do?
1: Sure. I’m not an idiot. (Licking and blowing on his reddened finger tip)
3: No? (Mocking him, licking and blowing his own finger)
1: No and who said that?
7
4: Not me.
2: Alright, let’s all just calm down.
1: I am calm!
( 2, 3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE. 1 does the same without realizing it.)
1: You guys have got me all wrong. I know what you’re trying to do.
(1 tries to light his Zippo. No go.)
3: So you know, so what.
1: Could one of you pleeeease do something about the lights? (Taking a drag.)
( 3 lights up his Zippo.)
3: “ Could one of you Pleeeease do something about the lights?”
( 3 SNAPS HIS ZIPPO SHUT.)
(1 FUMES)
2: Don’t let him get to you.
1: I’m not!
4: You are.
1: He started it! (Taking a drag)
3: Someone had to.
1: You see?!
2: So end it.
1: End it.
4: End it.
1: And how do I do that?
(Pause. 1 lights up a fresh cigarette.)
8
1: Look, I don’t even know if I’m supposed to be here.
4: I like this guy.
2: He is a keeper, isn’t he?
3: Oh, yeah!
4: For sure.
1: Hey.
2: Something different about him.
1: Hey.
4: I’ll say.
1: Hey!
3: Maybe it’s the way he French inhales.
1: Why don’t you guys talk to me like I’m in the room?!
(Pause)
3: (to 4) Such a temper.
1: There, you see!?
4: (To 3) Anger issues too.
1: Again!
2: Alright you two, that’ll do.
(All INHALE/EXHALE)
1: Thank you.
2: You’re quite welcome.
4: (to 3) I do like him.
3: (to 4) You would.
9
1: I wish I had gotten up and left when I had the chance.
2: Really.
1: Broken neck or not.
4: Ouch.
3: No one’s stopping you.
1: It’s not that easy.
2: Where would you rather be?
1: Anywhere is far better than here.
4: You think so?
1: Absolutely.
(ALL INHALE/EXHALE)
2: So, you wish that you got up and walked out of here.
1: I don’t know.
3: Good answer.
1: I don’t know why I have to be here.
2: You don’t Have to be anywhere.
4: But you Do have to be somewhere.
3: So why not make it nowhere?
1: You mean here.
2: He does.
4: He’s right.
1: But why does-
(3 lights his Zippo and stands towering over 1, yelling!)
10
3: Because the seed is already sewn!
(Pause. 3 takes his seat. ALL INHALE/EXHALE)
1: Fine. If this is my fate, then fine, so be it.
(1 stands and tries to light his Zippo. No go. He starts to exit but bumps into the chairs of 2, 3, and 4. They grab for him, circling, as he heads back to his chair, 2, 3, and 4 REPEAT/OVERLAP their following dialogue until 1 sits.)
2: It’s like flipping a coin, call it in the air, heads or tails, call it, call it call it!
3: Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!
4: It’s a fifty-fifty shot, take the chance, take the chance, take the chance!
(1 finally finds his seat and sits, defeated. Pause)
1: Why? Why is it so hard to leave?
2: Why do You think that is?
1: Why do I…Oh, I don’t know. Let me see… Poor lighting?!
(3 stands and approaches 1. He lights his Zippo and gets right in 1’s face)
3: Here’s a hint. This? All of this? It’s got nothing to do…with lighting.
(3 blows out his Zippo and returns to his seat.)
1: Fine. Great, good. Forget the lights. But if we could somehow remain “civil” toward one another then-
3: -Sheesh, what a loser.
1: Strike one for civility!
2: It’s not his fault.
1: On, no?!
2: He’s only here out of denial.
4: And what about me?
3: Stupidity.
1: I know why he’s so hostile toward me.
11
3: This ought to be good.
4: Stupid?
1: He’s angry.
3: Ang-You haven’t seen nothing yet!
4: I’m not stupid.
2: Continue.
(1 INHALES/EXHALES then drops his cigarette and stomps it out.)
4: Now that was stupid.
2: Interesting.
4: Did you see that?!
3: Big deal.
2: It’s interesting, what you just did.
4: Incredible!
1: You think so?
3: Oh yeah, a real “Thriller”.
1: I feel much better.
( 2, 3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE, COUGHING, WHEEZING)
2: Wish I could say the same.
4: Me too.
3: “Oh, and me too, I want to feel so much better, for sure”... Quitter.
1: Sticks and Stones.
2: Don’t let him get to you.
1: I don’t.
12
3: You do.
4: You don’t?
3: He does.
1: Not at all
4: Really?
1: Not a bit.
3: Not a b-he does.
4: Wow.
2: You don’t do you?
1: Why should I?
2: Good point.
4: Very.
3: He does.
2: A very good point.
1: Thank you.
4: Very good.
3: ( to 4) Traitor.
2: Let him finish.
1: I don’t because I don’t have too. I choose No over a sometimes maybe and a definite, always Yes. I made my choice. And all along, that was my problem. I wasn’t making a choice.
(Pause)
4: Oh, I like him.
2: I always have.
13
3: “I always have.”
4: Very much so.
2: Very much.
3: “Very, very, very, very.”
1: Thank you.
3: Hey.
2: You’re welcome.
3: Hey!
4: Quite welcome.
1: Thank you.
3: Hey!!!
2/4: What?!
3: He’s nothing! Why bother! Nothing but a hack! He invented that walk! A hack, too deep, how juvenile, oh brother, give it time, someone had too, such a temper, because the seed is already sewn, do it, do it, do it and, and, and, an, an, an, a, a, a, a...
(3 begins COUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY and eventually stops.)
3: (Exhausted) He’s nothing...He’s nothing but a hack...a hack…and a quitter.
2: What’s your point?
4: Yeah, what is your point?
3: (Still exhausted) ...no one…no one…no one likes a quitter.
( 3 FALLS out of his chair, FLAT-LINED and dead on the floor.)
LIGHTS UP.
(1 squints his eyes to the new found light. He is dressed in WHITE. 2 is dressed in YELLOW, 3 in BLACK and 4 in RED. 1 observes his surroundings for a beat, rises and acknowledges 2 and 4 as he exits. He stops and turns.
14
1: Hey.
(4 looks up. 1 takes out his Zippo and tries to light it. No go.)
1: Call it.
(1 tosses his Zippo to 4. 4 catches it.)
1: Good luck.
( 1 smiles and exits offstage. 4 looks at 2. 2 nods. 4 kneels down and takes 3’s Zippo and hands all three Zippos to 2. 2 nods and 4 exits offstage. 2 proceeds to light each Zippo and places them on the four empty chairs, 1, 4, 3 and his before exiting.)
LIGHTS OUT.
DARKNESS.
ZIPPOS GLARE.
THE END.
A Fondness for Aqua Net
A play in one act
By
Michael Weems
© 2008 by Michael Weems
Michaeltw721@gmail.com
Kevin Dorky. Insecure. Ugly duckling. Wears glasses and dull clothes at beginning.
Lina Kevin’s best friend. Secretly crushing on him. Kind of a mirror image of Kevin at the beginning.
Rachel The pretty one. Sweet and unknowing of her popularity.
Sally Kevin’s older sister. Bitchy, but somewhat caring to her brother and others. Insecure underneath it all.
Properties: Hairspray, Chewing Gum, Brush, 2 sets of eye glasses, text books.
Setting: 1980’s high school hallway.
A Fondness for Aqua Net was produced by Phare Play Productions at Roy Arias Studios, New York, NY on November 8th, 2008. Directed by Ramona Pula. Stage Managed by Christine Vinh.
Cast:
Kevin: Christopher James Cramer
Lina: Siobhan Marie Doherty
Rachel: Erin Fehr
Sally: Toni Mayo
A Fondness for Aqua Net was produced by Brief Acts at The Producers Club, New York, NY on September 24-26th, 2009. Directed by Michael Weems.
Cast:
Kevin: Christopher Boerger
Lina: Jennifer Gartner
Rachel: Julia Bernal
Sally: Elizabeth Harvey
(A high school hallway. Kevin waits outside a classroom. Lina emerges carrying books. She is nerdy too, sweet, and crushing hard on him)
Lina:
Hi Kevin! (Touched) Oh my god – are you waiting for me?
Kevin:
Sssh!
Lina:
What’s wrong?
(Rachel walks by. He tries for a studly pose, but she doesn’t notice. He tries another pose and falls, his books crashing around him. Lina helps him up. Rachel crosses and stands by Sally who has just entered. They silently gossip)
Give it up Kevin! As your best friend, I can tell you it’s not going to happen.
Kevin:
I bet you anything that she’ll be my date to the dance.
Lina:
I bet she’s got a date already. Just look at her.
Kevin:
I guess you’re right.
Lina:
You can take me to the dance!
Kevin:
Like a date?
Lina:
(Sheepish) Yeah.
Kevin:
But you’re Lina – my slightly feminine best friend who I see in an entirely platonic way. I mean, maybe if you got a makeover, lost the glasses, put your hair down like this, and dressed to show off your body you’d be really hot (long dramatic pause – the end face to face) …but that’s just crazy.
Lina:
(Hopeful) So, is it a date?
Kevin:
Quiet! She’s coming!
(Kevin conceals Lina in a way that entirely belittles her. Rachel passes by with Sally)
Rachel:
(Flirty) Hi Kevin.
Sally:
(Mocking tone) Hi Kevin.
Kevin:
(Squeaky voiced) Hi girls.
Sally:
Got a date for the dance yet, loser?
Kevin:
I’m…umm….weighing my options.
Sally:
Please! Tell me one girl who’d subject themselves to such a lame date.
(Lina raises her hand meekly and avoids eye contact with the other girls)
Okay, someone who isn’t a total dork-bag.
(Lina looks around and puts her hand down)
Rachel:
Sally, be nice. I know he’s your little brother, but as socially adjusted, pretty cheerleaders, we have a responsibility to look after the less fortunate. I’m sure you’ll make some lucky girl happy.
Kevin:
Do you have a…
Sally:
A what?
Kevin:
A….a…umm…. oh my god.
(He nervously covers his mouth and stomach and runs off stage)
Lina:
He’s got a weak stomach. Gets nervous really easily.
(Audible offstage noise of Kevin getting sick)
Rachel:
I should go make sure he’s okay.
(Rachel exits quickly – stacking her books onto Lina)
Sally:
What a dork.
Lina:
He is not!
Sally:
Lina loves Kevin!
Lina:
No I don’t!
Sally:
Yes you do. Everyone in school knows it.
Lina:
Am I that obvious?
Sally:
You’re the pathetically devoted best friend who doesn’t stand a chance to the prettiest girl in school. Kevin will string you along to the end, tragically get turned down, and at the last minute leave you for her. You’ll sit alone in the background crying as they dance, kiss, and fall in love.
Lina:
What does he see in her anyways?
Sally:
Outside of her perfect smile, nice hair, dancer’s legs, tight ass, amazing rack, and that she still remains accessible to the biggest losers in school…. I have no idea.
Lina:
She can’t have Kevin anyways. She’s going to the dance with Ben Ogilvy.
Sally:
(Deadpan) What?
Lina:
That’s funny. As her best friend, I figure she would’ve told you she was taking your ex.
Sally:
That bitch!
(Rachel enters)
Rachel:
(Brightly) Did I hear someone talking about me? (Beat) I must hear that a dozen times a day.
Lina:
Is Kevin okay?
Sally:
(Awkward pause) You know. About this tall. Brown hair. Ran off to puke when he was about to ask you to the dance.
Rachel:
Oh! Kevin! He was going to ask me out? That is so sweet.
Sally:
(Pointedly) Too bad you’re taking Ben.
Rachel:
Did I forget to tell you about that? I’m sorry. He told me how his girlfriend broke up with him because he wouldn’t sleep with her. I had to take him.
Sally:
That was me! And he broke up with me when I wouldn’t give him road head in his parent’s station wagon!
Rachel:
(Half assedly consoling Sally) That’s a sad story too. Oops! Time for class. Call me later?
(She air kisses Sally. Rachel skips off mindlessly. Kevin re-enters)
Kevin:
I think I broke my glasses. Do you have any duct tape?
Sally:
Such a loser!
Lina:
I’ve got some.
Kevin:
I don’t know what I’d do without you.
(She kneels by him and starts to fix his glasses. She leans in closely. He puts the glasses back on and smacks her arm in a friendly gesture)
Thanks buddy!
Sally:
Wait a minute. Take your glasses off again.
Kevin:
I can’t see without my glasses, Sally. You know that.
Sally:
Shut up nerd-bag.
(She steals his glasses and holds him at arm’s length)
I think we’ve got a winner.
Lina:
What are you talking about?
Sally:
Moron! Think about it. We can make over Kevin so that she’ll forget all about what’s his name.
(Kevin stumbles around the stage – blind without glasses)
Kevin:
Little help?
Lina:
You mean Ben?
Sally:
Shut up! Think about it – I’ll get Ben back. Rachel won’t want him since she seems bizarrely attracted to the geeky ones. Kevin will come crawling back to you and better looking I might add.
(Kevin crashes into a wall and stumbles backwards)
Kevin:
I really can’t see anything at all.
Lina:
This happens all the time. Okay, so where do we need to start with Kevin?
Sally:
What else do you have in that bag?
Lina:
Let’s see – hairspray, chewing gum, brush, lipstick, eye liner…
(Kevin wanders off stage and falls to the ground)
Kevin:
Ow.
(Sally grabs a few items)
Sally:
Ugh. I’m going to make sure he didn’t break anything.
(Sally exits. Rachel re-enters)
Rachel:
Hey there! Have you seen Sally?
Lina:
She’ll be right back.
Kevin: (O.S)
Is that Rachel? Hi Rachel!
Sally: (O.S)
Shut up!
Rachel:
Isn’t that sweet? Anyways, I just came back to let her know I found a date for her.
Lina:
Who?
Rachel:
Steve Lewis.
Lina:
(Realizing their plan is foiled) He’s hot. Oh.
Rachel:
What’s the matter? Do you need me to find you a date too?
Lina:
Nah. I’ll be fine thanks. I’ll probably just stick to my usual dance night routine – make brownies with my mom, and spend the rest of the night sitting alone at home listening to The Cure through my big Koss headphones. A framed photograph of Kevin looking over me as if he’s saying “I know the pain right now will bring us together.”
Rachel:
(Upbeat) Well that’s kind of creepy! I think we can make a better date night for you. Trust me?
Lina:
Why not? What good are pretty, popular girls, if not to help others as a temporary fix on their own sense of esteem.
Rachel:
Especially in knowing that without good genes or surgery you’ll never come close to their physical perfection. (Mindlessly) Let’s start with some blush!
(They exit. Kevin & Sally re-enter. He is holding his eyes in pain)
Kevin:
The contacts! They burn!
Sally:
Suck it up, wuss-bag. We’re making you a man.
(During following – she does the actions as they’re spoken).
Fix the hair. (She sprays his hair with Aqua Net) Stand up straight. Roll up the sleeves. Breath check? (He breaths – she gags) Okay. Gross. Time for some gum. (She hands him gum) Let’s see you walk. (He does) Not bad. How do you feel?
Kevin:
(In non nasally regular voice) Different.
Sally:
(Shocked) You look good.
Kevin:
Why are you helping me?
Sally:
I’ve got my reasons.
Kevin:
Ben, right?
Sally:
How does everyone know my damn business?
Kevin:
He’s my chemistry lab partner. Too bad for you he’s going with Stacy Miller.
Sally:
What? No, ass-bag. He’s going with Rachel.
Kevin:
I think I’d know if he was going with her.
Sally:
Good point. You’re obsessed.
(Rachel and Lina re-enter. Lina is without glasses, she has some make up on, and is dolled up. They don’t notice Kevin and Sally)
Lina:
My boobs hurt. Are you sure this is the right size? I feel like I’m going to get a black eye.
Rachel:
Shut up!
(There is a big dramatic turn and Kevin & Lina can’t take their eyes off each other)
Kevin:
Lina?
Lina:
Kevin?
(They approach each other still transfixed)
Kevin:
You look….feminine. I mean, hot!
Lina:
And you look almost masculine!
Rachel:
Aren’t they cute! Geek love!
Sally:
No! No! It isn’t supposed to happen this way. Kevin, remember Rachel?
Kevin:
(Dismissive) Whatever. (To Lina) Without your glasses – I can see your eyes. They’re pretty.
Lina:
(Melting) Your arms. Muscles!
Sally:
(Bitchy) Kevin, remember the plan?
Kevin:
(Commanding and manly) Shut up!
Rachel:
Woah.
Lina:
(Turned on) So hot.
Kevin:
(Suave) On a day like this, I want wining, dining, and a ride home afterwards since I don’t have my license for another few months and Mom would have to drive me. (Going for the kill) A spanking would be nice too.
Lina:
Of course!
(She jumps into his arms and they exit together)
Sally:
Nice work, hoe-bag.
Rachel:
(Proudly) I know!
Sally:
No, dipshit. Kevin was supposed to go to the dance with you!
Rachel:
Oh. How about that?
Sally:
And I thought you were going with Ben?
Rachel:
Who is this now?
Sally:
My ex boyfriend.
Rachel:
Oh, no. He’s going with Stacy Miller. Everyone knows that.
Sally:
Except for me.
Rachel:
I was just teasing you before. I thought the idea of him and I together might give you some motivation to get a date and look good without having to rely on my popularity. Granted, after college I’ll probably get old, fat, pregnant seven times over, and live in a trailer park while you actually make something of your life – but isn’t right now what matters most?
Sally:
(Defeated) Right.
Rachel:
(Happy sigh) I feel like we’ve done something really good here today. Weren’t they cute?
Sally:
(Darkly) Adorable.
Rachel:
Don’t you worry. I got you a date too! Steve Lewis! Now I now he’s a little out of our league, but it’ll be fine. I mean really, what are egomaniacal supposed friends good for, if they can’t kick you while you’re down to make themselves feel better?
(Rachel pulls out a compact and starts to powder Sally)
(Happy sigh again) So little time and so much work to do!
End of Play
A play in one act
By
Michael Weems
© 2008 by Michael Weems
Michaeltw721@gmail.com
Kevin Dorky. Insecure. Ugly duckling. Wears glasses and dull clothes at beginning.
Lina Kevin’s best friend. Secretly crushing on him. Kind of a mirror image of Kevin at the beginning.
Rachel The pretty one. Sweet and unknowing of her popularity.
Sally Kevin’s older sister. Bitchy, but somewhat caring to her brother and others. Insecure underneath it all.
Properties: Hairspray, Chewing Gum, Brush, 2 sets of eye glasses, text books.
Setting: 1980’s high school hallway.
A Fondness for Aqua Net was produced by Phare Play Productions at Roy Arias Studios, New York, NY on November 8th, 2008. Directed by Ramona Pula. Stage Managed by Christine Vinh.
Cast:
Kevin: Christopher James Cramer
Lina: Siobhan Marie Doherty
Rachel: Erin Fehr
Sally: Toni Mayo
A Fondness for Aqua Net was produced by Brief Acts at The Producers Club, New York, NY on September 24-26th, 2009. Directed by Michael Weems.
Cast:
Kevin: Christopher Boerger
Lina: Jennifer Gartner
Rachel: Julia Bernal
Sally: Elizabeth Harvey
(A high school hallway. Kevin waits outside a classroom. Lina emerges carrying books. She is nerdy too, sweet, and crushing hard on him)
Lina:
Hi Kevin! (Touched) Oh my god – are you waiting for me?
Kevin:
Sssh!
Lina:
What’s wrong?
(Rachel walks by. He tries for a studly pose, but she doesn’t notice. He tries another pose and falls, his books crashing around him. Lina helps him up. Rachel crosses and stands by Sally who has just entered. They silently gossip)
Give it up Kevin! As your best friend, I can tell you it’s not going to happen.
Kevin:
I bet you anything that she’ll be my date to the dance.
Lina:
I bet she’s got a date already. Just look at her.
Kevin:
I guess you’re right.
Lina:
You can take me to the dance!
Kevin:
Like a date?
Lina:
(Sheepish) Yeah.
Kevin:
But you’re Lina – my slightly feminine best friend who I see in an entirely platonic way. I mean, maybe if you got a makeover, lost the glasses, put your hair down like this, and dressed to show off your body you’d be really hot (long dramatic pause – the end face to face) …but that’s just crazy.
Lina:
(Hopeful) So, is it a date?
Kevin:
Quiet! She’s coming!
(Kevin conceals Lina in a way that entirely belittles her. Rachel passes by with Sally)
Rachel:
(Flirty) Hi Kevin.
Sally:
(Mocking tone) Hi Kevin.
Kevin:
(Squeaky voiced) Hi girls.
Sally:
Got a date for the dance yet, loser?
Kevin:
I’m…umm….weighing my options.
Sally:
Please! Tell me one girl who’d subject themselves to such a lame date.
(Lina raises her hand meekly and avoids eye contact with the other girls)
Okay, someone who isn’t a total dork-bag.
(Lina looks around and puts her hand down)
Rachel:
Sally, be nice. I know he’s your little brother, but as socially adjusted, pretty cheerleaders, we have a responsibility to look after the less fortunate. I’m sure you’ll make some lucky girl happy.
Kevin:
Do you have a…
Sally:
A what?
Kevin:
A….a…umm…. oh my god.
(He nervously covers his mouth and stomach and runs off stage)
Lina:
He’s got a weak stomach. Gets nervous really easily.
(Audible offstage noise of Kevin getting sick)
Rachel:
I should go make sure he’s okay.
(Rachel exits quickly – stacking her books onto Lina)
Sally:
What a dork.
Lina:
He is not!
Sally:
Lina loves Kevin!
Lina:
No I don’t!
Sally:
Yes you do. Everyone in school knows it.
Lina:
Am I that obvious?
Sally:
You’re the pathetically devoted best friend who doesn’t stand a chance to the prettiest girl in school. Kevin will string you along to the end, tragically get turned down, and at the last minute leave you for her. You’ll sit alone in the background crying as they dance, kiss, and fall in love.
Lina:
What does he see in her anyways?
Sally:
Outside of her perfect smile, nice hair, dancer’s legs, tight ass, amazing rack, and that she still remains accessible to the biggest losers in school…. I have no idea.
Lina:
She can’t have Kevin anyways. She’s going to the dance with Ben Ogilvy.
Sally:
(Deadpan) What?
Lina:
That’s funny. As her best friend, I figure she would’ve told you she was taking your ex.
Sally:
That bitch!
(Rachel enters)
Rachel:
(Brightly) Did I hear someone talking about me? (Beat) I must hear that a dozen times a day.
Lina:
Is Kevin okay?
Sally:
(Awkward pause) You know. About this tall. Brown hair. Ran off to puke when he was about to ask you to the dance.
Rachel:
Oh! Kevin! He was going to ask me out? That is so sweet.
Sally:
(Pointedly) Too bad you’re taking Ben.
Rachel:
Did I forget to tell you about that? I’m sorry. He told me how his girlfriend broke up with him because he wouldn’t sleep with her. I had to take him.
Sally:
That was me! And he broke up with me when I wouldn’t give him road head in his parent’s station wagon!
Rachel:
(Half assedly consoling Sally) That’s a sad story too. Oops! Time for class. Call me later?
(She air kisses Sally. Rachel skips off mindlessly. Kevin re-enters)
Kevin:
I think I broke my glasses. Do you have any duct tape?
Sally:
Such a loser!
Lina:
I’ve got some.
Kevin:
I don’t know what I’d do without you.
(She kneels by him and starts to fix his glasses. She leans in closely. He puts the glasses back on and smacks her arm in a friendly gesture)
Thanks buddy!
Sally:
Wait a minute. Take your glasses off again.
Kevin:
I can’t see without my glasses, Sally. You know that.
Sally:
Shut up nerd-bag.
(She steals his glasses and holds him at arm’s length)
I think we’ve got a winner.
Lina:
What are you talking about?
Sally:
Moron! Think about it. We can make over Kevin so that she’ll forget all about what’s his name.
(Kevin stumbles around the stage – blind without glasses)
Kevin:
Little help?
Lina:
You mean Ben?
Sally:
Shut up! Think about it – I’ll get Ben back. Rachel won’t want him since she seems bizarrely attracted to the geeky ones. Kevin will come crawling back to you and better looking I might add.
(Kevin crashes into a wall and stumbles backwards)
Kevin:
I really can’t see anything at all.
Lina:
This happens all the time. Okay, so where do we need to start with Kevin?
Sally:
What else do you have in that bag?
Lina:
Let’s see – hairspray, chewing gum, brush, lipstick, eye liner…
(Kevin wanders off stage and falls to the ground)
Kevin:
Ow.
(Sally grabs a few items)
Sally:
Ugh. I’m going to make sure he didn’t break anything.
(Sally exits. Rachel re-enters)
Rachel:
Hey there! Have you seen Sally?
Lina:
She’ll be right back.
Kevin: (O.S)
Is that Rachel? Hi Rachel!
Sally: (O.S)
Shut up!
Rachel:
Isn’t that sweet? Anyways, I just came back to let her know I found a date for her.
Lina:
Who?
Rachel:
Steve Lewis.
Lina:
(Realizing their plan is foiled) He’s hot. Oh.
Rachel:
What’s the matter? Do you need me to find you a date too?
Lina:
Nah. I’ll be fine thanks. I’ll probably just stick to my usual dance night routine – make brownies with my mom, and spend the rest of the night sitting alone at home listening to The Cure through my big Koss headphones. A framed photograph of Kevin looking over me as if he’s saying “I know the pain right now will bring us together.”
Rachel:
(Upbeat) Well that’s kind of creepy! I think we can make a better date night for you. Trust me?
Lina:
Why not? What good are pretty, popular girls, if not to help others as a temporary fix on their own sense of esteem.
Rachel:
Especially in knowing that without good genes or surgery you’ll never come close to their physical perfection. (Mindlessly) Let’s start with some blush!
(They exit. Kevin & Sally re-enter. He is holding his eyes in pain)
Kevin:
The contacts! They burn!
Sally:
Suck it up, wuss-bag. We’re making you a man.
(During following – she does the actions as they’re spoken).
Fix the hair. (She sprays his hair with Aqua Net) Stand up straight. Roll up the sleeves. Breath check? (He breaths – she gags) Okay. Gross. Time for some gum. (She hands him gum) Let’s see you walk. (He does) Not bad. How do you feel?
Kevin:
(In non nasally regular voice) Different.
Sally:
(Shocked) You look good.
Kevin:
Why are you helping me?
Sally:
I’ve got my reasons.
Kevin:
Ben, right?
Sally:
How does everyone know my damn business?
Kevin:
He’s my chemistry lab partner. Too bad for you he’s going with Stacy Miller.
Sally:
What? No, ass-bag. He’s going with Rachel.
Kevin:
I think I’d know if he was going with her.
Sally:
Good point. You’re obsessed.
(Rachel and Lina re-enter. Lina is without glasses, she has some make up on, and is dolled up. They don’t notice Kevin and Sally)
Lina:
My boobs hurt. Are you sure this is the right size? I feel like I’m going to get a black eye.
Rachel:
Shut up!
(There is a big dramatic turn and Kevin & Lina can’t take their eyes off each other)
Kevin:
Lina?
Lina:
Kevin?
(They approach each other still transfixed)
Kevin:
You look….feminine. I mean, hot!
Lina:
And you look almost masculine!
Rachel:
Aren’t they cute! Geek love!
Sally:
No! No! It isn’t supposed to happen this way. Kevin, remember Rachel?
Kevin:
(Dismissive) Whatever. (To Lina) Without your glasses – I can see your eyes. They’re pretty.
Lina:
(Melting) Your arms. Muscles!
Sally:
(Bitchy) Kevin, remember the plan?
Kevin:
(Commanding and manly) Shut up!
Rachel:
Woah.
Lina:
(Turned on) So hot.
Kevin:
(Suave) On a day like this, I want wining, dining, and a ride home afterwards since I don’t have my license for another few months and Mom would have to drive me. (Going for the kill) A spanking would be nice too.
Lina:
Of course!
(She jumps into his arms and they exit together)
Sally:
Nice work, hoe-bag.
Rachel:
(Proudly) I know!
Sally:
No, dipshit. Kevin was supposed to go to the dance with you!
Rachel:
Oh. How about that?
Sally:
And I thought you were going with Ben?
Rachel:
Who is this now?
Sally:
My ex boyfriend.
Rachel:
Oh, no. He’s going with Stacy Miller. Everyone knows that.
Sally:
Except for me.
Rachel:
I was just teasing you before. I thought the idea of him and I together might give you some motivation to get a date and look good without having to rely on my popularity. Granted, after college I’ll probably get old, fat, pregnant seven times over, and live in a trailer park while you actually make something of your life – but isn’t right now what matters most?
Sally:
(Defeated) Right.
Rachel:
(Happy sigh) I feel like we’ve done something really good here today. Weren’t they cute?
Sally:
(Darkly) Adorable.
Rachel:
Don’t you worry. I got you a date too! Steve Lewis! Now I now he’s a little out of our league, but it’ll be fine. I mean really, what are egomaniacal supposed friends good for, if they can’t kick you while you’re down to make themselves feel better?
(Rachel pulls out a compact and starts to powder Sally)
(Happy sigh again) So little time and so much work to do!
End of Play
Pizza Pie
By
Tyler Nimon
Setting - The foyer area/outside of a house.
Characters
Pizza Boy
Customer (Dave)
Dead Body
Officer 1 (Arthur)
Officer 2
Manager
Pizza boy walks to the door and knocks
The man answers the door
Pizza Boy - Hey, that’ll be $12.50.
Customer - Did I order a pizza? Well all right, how much did you say?
Pizza Boy - $12.50.
Customer - All right, let me get it. Come in.
Pizza Boy enters the customer’s house only to see a body on the floor, flailing around and moaning.
Pizza Boy panics as he sees the customer approach him from the other room, so he takes out his phone.
Pizza Boy - One minute, sir, I have to take this call. It’s an emergency!
Customer - Can’t you just?… (Mid-sentence, the Pizza Boy is already out the door and by the side of the house on the phone)
Pizza Boy - Hello, 911? Ya, I’m here delivering a pizza and I see this dying girl in the floor and I don’t know what to do. Send someone please! Oh ya, the address is 2900 Parthenon Way…Ok thanks!
Pizza Boy walks back into the house and tries to kill the time, waiting for the police to arrive.
Pizza Boy - Well sir, I really hope you enjoy your pizza tonight.
Customer - I know I will. Here’s your mone… (Cut off by Pizza boy)
Pizza Boy - You know I couldn’t help but notice all the crosses around your house.
Customer - Yes, I’m very religious.
Pizza Boy - Well…crosses everywhere and a clean house. You must be Catholic! (Begins to laugh nervously)
The customer stares at the Pizza boy as if he’s angry.
Long pause.
Customer - I’m Baptist…
Pizza Boy - Oh, I’m sorry sir. I was just trying to ma….(Cut off by customer)
Customer - So you’re saying that only Catholics have clean houses?
Pizza Boy - No, no! I’m not saying that all!
Customer - My whole family is Baptist…are you saying that Baptists can’t have clean houses? Are you calling me a pig?
Pizza Boy - No, sir, this is a big misunderstanding! I was just making a joke.
(Turns around to see the police approaching)
Customer - Oh, thank God you’re here! This is him! Arrest him!
Two police officers approach the door and see the customer.
Officer - Dave?!
Customer - Arthur?!
Officer - How the hell are ya, Dave? Long time no see.
Customer - Not bad, man. Not bad at all. What’s been going on lately?
Pizza boy watches the two men talk with a blank stare and his jaw wide open.
Officer - Oh, nothing much. How about you?
Customer - Oh, just hangin’ out, man. Why don’t you guys come in for a drink? I’ve got drinks, and I guess I’ve got a pizza so come on in!
Officer - Man, you know we’d love to but we’re on duty tonight.
Customer - Come on! Who stops by without having a drink?
Officer - Well…you know, we actually stopped by because we got a call.
Customer - A call?
Officer - Ya, this kid, here called 911 and said there was a dead body at your house.
Customer - A dead body?! Why would there be a dead body here?
Officer - I figured it was some kind of prank. What surprised me is the kid’s still here.
Customer - Well this pizza boy looks like trouble. As a matter of fact, he just insulted Baptists to my face.
Officer - What?! What’d he say?
Customer - He called Baptists…pigs.
Officer turns to the boy.
Officer - Boy, what are you doing here? You called in saying there was a dying woman on the floor, then you call Baptists pigs?! What’s the matter with you?!
Pizza Boy - Officer, I swear to God, there’s a dying woman on the floor right in there!
Officer - Well where is he?
Pizza Boy - Right there! He was right there!
Officer looks at the customer.
Officer - Dave, I’m really sorry about this. This kid’s messed up in the head. I’m gonna have a talk with his manager.
Customer - All right, just get him out of here.
Officer grabs the Pizza boy’s arm and they both walk away.
Officer - Well I’ll see you later, man. Goodnight.
Customer - Goodnight.
Officer - See you at bowling!
Customer - Still at 6:30, right?
Officer - Yep!
Curtains close.
Curtains open to see the Pizza boy talking to his manager in his office.
Manager - What the hell do you think you’re doing, Jeremy?! You embarrassed all of us!
Pizza Boy - I swear, there was a dead lady on the floor!
Manager - Jeremy, you’re crazy. First of all, you go to the wrong damn house! Then, you insult the man’s religion! And to top that all off, you called the police for something that wasn’t even true! It even cost us a $100 fine! I think you’re done here.
Pizza Boy - What do you mean?
Manager - Jeremy…YOU’RE FIRED!!!
Curtains close.
Curtains open to see Jeremy laying on a couch in his house, looking through a newspaper.
Pizza Boy - Newspaper’s a bunch of crap. Wait, what’s this…middle aged woman found dead in Parthenon Park. There was a dead body!
Curtains close.
The End
By
Tyler Nimon
Setting - The foyer area/outside of a house.
Characters
Pizza Boy
Customer (Dave)
Dead Body
Officer 1 (Arthur)
Officer 2
Manager
Pizza boy walks to the door and knocks
The man answers the door
Pizza Boy - Hey, that’ll be $12.50.
Customer - Did I order a pizza?
Pizza Boy - $12.50.
Customer - All right, let me get it. Come in.
Pizza Boy enters the customer’s house only to see a body on the floor, flailing around and moaning.
Pizza Boy panics as he sees the customer approach him from the other room, so he takes out his phone.
Pizza Boy - One minute, sir, I have to take this call. It’s an emergency!
Customer - Can’t you just?… (Mid-sentence, the Pizza Boy is already out the door and by the side of the house on the phone)
Pizza Boy - Hello, 911? Ya, I’m here delivering a pizza and I see this dying girl in the floor and I don’t know what to do. Send someone please!
Pizza Boy walks back into the house and tries to kill the time, waiting for the police to arrive.
Pizza Boy - Well sir, I really hope you enjoy your pizza tonight.
Customer - I know I will. Here’s your mone… (Cut off by Pizza boy)
Pizza Boy - You know I couldn’t help but notice all the crosses around your house.
Customer - Yes, I’m very religious.
Pizza Boy - Well…crosses everywhere and a clean house. You must be Catholic! (Begins to laugh nervously)
The customer stares at the Pizza boy as if he’s angry.
Long pause.
Customer - I’m Baptist…
Pizza Boy - Oh, I’m sorry sir. I was just trying to ma….(Cut off by customer)
Customer - So you’re saying that only Catholics have clean houses?
Pizza Boy - No, no! I’m not saying that all!
Customer - My whole family is Baptist…are you saying that Baptists can’t have clean houses? Are you calling me a pig?
Pizza Boy - No, sir, this is a big misunderstanding! I was just making a joke.
(Turns around to see the police approaching)
Customer - Oh, thank God you’re here! This is him! Arrest him!
Two police officers approach the door and see the customer.
Officer - Dave?!
Customer - Arthur?!
Officer - How the hell are ya, Dave? Long time no see.
Customer - Not bad, man. Not bad at all. What’s been going on lately?
Pizza boy watches the two men talk with a blank stare and his jaw wide open.
Officer - Oh, nothing much. How about you?
Customer - Oh, just hangin’ out, man. Why don’t you guys come in for a drink? I’ve got drinks, and I guess I’ve got a pizza so come on in!
Officer - Man, you know we’d love to but we’re on duty tonight.
Customer - Come on! Who stops by without having a drink?
Officer - Well…you know, we actually stopped by because we got a call.
Customer - A call?
Officer - Ya, this kid, here called 911 and said there was a dead body at your house.
Customer - A dead body?! Why would there be a dead body here?
Officer - I figured it was some kind of prank. What surprised me is the kid’s still here.
Customer - Well this pizza boy looks like trouble. As a matter of fact, he just insulted Baptists to my face.
Officer - What?! What’d he say?
Customer - He called Baptists…pigs.
Officer turns to the boy.
Officer - Boy, what are you doing here? You called in saying there was a dying woman on the floor, then you call Baptists pigs?! What’s the matter with you?!
Pizza Boy - Officer, I swear to God, there’s a dying woman on the floor right in there!
Officer - Well where is he?
Pizza Boy - Right there! He was right there!
Officer looks at the customer.
Officer - Dave, I’m really sorry about this. This kid’s messed up in the head. I’m gonna have a talk with his manager.
Customer - All right, just get him out of here.
Officer grabs the Pizza boy’s arm and they both walk away.
Officer - Well I’ll see you later, man. Goodnight.
Customer - Goodnight.
Officer - See you at bowling!
Customer - Still at 6:30, right?
Officer - Yep!
Curtains close.
Curtains open to see the Pizza boy talking to his manager in his office.
Manager - What the hell do you think you’re doing, Jeremy?! You embarrassed all of us!
Pizza Boy - I swear, there was a dead lady on the floor!
Manager - Jeremy, you’re crazy. First of all, you go to the wrong damn house! Then, you insult the man’s religion! And to top that all off, you called the police for something that wasn’t even true! It even cost us a $100 fine!
Pizza Boy - What do you mean?
Manager - Jeremy…YOU’RE FIRED!!!
Curtains close.
Curtains open to see Jeremy laying on a couch in his house, looking through a newspaper.
Pizza Boy - Newspaper’s a bunch of crap. Wait, what’s this…middle aged woman found dead in Parthenon Park. There was a dead body!
Curtains close.
The End
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Hi,
My name is Darren Jaye and I am a copywriter/creative writer from Sydney, Australia.
I wrote this play/script in response to the people who 'speak to the dead' such as John Edwards.
I hope you enjoy my submission.
Regards,
Darren Jaye
Harold Oaks---------------------------------
Setting: Channel 12 Television Studios. Harold Oaks is a psychic medium. He is in front of a studio-audience, filming his weekly show.-----------------------------------
Harold Oaks:
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
I am here with you all this evening, to communicate with those who you knew, those that have passed forward, and to provide you with a connection, a pathway, a bridge, so that you can make contact and be with them again. I can almost always feel an all-encompassing presence. Even right now I can feel the spirits of many. It’s more a matter of honing in and focusing on just one of the voices.
..look around. these people are all wanting to speak to their dead relatives. why else would they be here? i’ll go, over… there
I’m picking up something in this area of the room.
..there’s always some J and P names in the crowd, here we go…
Is there a John or a Jim? Something with a J?
..hmm
Or a Paul, or a Pete, something with a P?
..nobody? that’s 4 names and 2 starting letters. about 1 in 12 names should have hit by now and there are more than 12 of you here. do the maths. are you all shy or something?
I’m getting a short name
..there’s only so much editing the station can do. anyone?
and a young man…
..look around, find the emotional one. could be one here
You! Did you lose a son?
Audience member:
Yes.
Oaks:
..phew
What was his name?
A.M:
Saul.
Oaks:
Oh, I got Paul, close, and I could feel a youthful male presence. And a short name. It’s probably him.
..ok, let’s get this one rolling
Saul was young when he passed?
..ok i said his name, that always strikes a chord. i asked for someone young anyway, she wants to believe, her eyes are twinkling
A.M:
Yes.
Oaks:
..she looks like a shy, quiet lady, i’m sure she would like to believe he had a sense of humour, whether he did or didn’t, and i’m sure she thought he was either intelligent or street- smart? handsome or cute?
I’m seeing him smiling, nice-looking boy. I think he had a sense of humour and didn’t mind a bit of a joke.
..she’s nodding and laughing but looks a little concerned and almost a touch ashamed. not the typical good-boy
A.M:
Yes.
Oaks:
And he liked to get up to a little mischief?
..ooh, raw-nerve, she looks horrified! must have been a bad-boy
A.M:
Yes.
Oaks:
It’s like he’s running away from me, but he’s laughing, like he’s playing a game with us, still, even here today.
..give me something
A.M:
Yeah, Saul always had a good heart and he was mostly a good kid but he did get up to quite a bit of mischief.
Oaks:
..okay, it seems this one’s all up to me, we’ve got a bad-boy who died fairly young. here goes…
Was he twelve when he passed?
A.M:
Eight.
Oaks:
..damn! i was gonna say 8
Because I’m seeing a young boy, definitely full of youth, but he seems quite… I can’t quite work out whether it’s his physical height or his big presence, or his maturity for his age. Maybe that’s why I was getting someone older, or the impression of someone older?
..there’s gotta be something there, height, maturity, personality, or i’m wrapping this one up. maybe my connection will just happen to ‘weaken’. hopefully someone else here lost a 12 year old, so I can ‘help’ them of course
A.M:
He certainly did have a big personality and he was quite intelligent for his age. When he came into the room, you, and everyone else in the room, would know that he was there. He liked to be the centre of attention.
Oaks:
..finally! ok we got an 8 year old named Saul who was naughty but social
I’m seeing him and he’s stopped running now. He’s stopping to talk to us and I can see lots of other people around him. I think he’s trying to tell me, and you, that he’s okay and that he is surrounded by his ‘new’ friends now.
..she has to be upset that he only lived 8 years
It’s like he wants me to tell you that he is okay and that you shouldn’t be worried that he lived for such a brief period in this lifetime, but it’s as if he’s making up for it now and that’s why he is running around, and full of energy and, living it up almost!
..bulls-eye, that made her happy, I can see the relief, maybe while everyone is feeling good I’ll give myself a bit of cred.
Often, due to the nature of death, I see people with older souls or spirits and they come to me more slowly and gently but this kid is still… he’s bouncing around! He’s here, he’s there. There’s a tremendous amount of energy.
A.M:
He sure had lots of energy. He played soccer, did athletics. He loved going to the beach and he had just started learning the saxophone. He was such a good kid, I miss him so much.
Oaks:
..ok. gotta pick this lady up and move on, this isn’t a ratings winner, maybe it won’t even make it onto the show. ok, cause of death, validation and onto the next one. it was a young death, could be illness or accident, 50/50
I feel like his passing was quite sudden and almost unexpected at the time it happened.
..such a cop-out. she’s nodding. ok, sad, very sad. it was sudden, an accident, a fall or collision
A.M.
Yes.
Oaks:
I’m getting a thud, like a hit or a fall?
..still nodding sadly, give me something. do I have to ask how it happened?
How did he pass?
A.M:
He was struck by lightning.
Oaks:
..holy sh-t! what are the chances?
Struck by lightning?
..still nodding
A.M:
Yes.
Oaks:
I felt that it was sudden and, I guess, well, it doesn’t come more sudden than that.
..did i just say that?
A.M:
Yeah, he was climbing a tree during a storm. At the time, my husband was at home with the kids and he thought they were all inside. They weren’t and Saul thought it would be, a fun idea, to climb a tree with all the swirling wind and rain. My husband heard the bang outside and went out to find our son just lying there. I got a call and it was the worst phone call I have ever had in my entire life. I’ll never forget that day.
Oaks:
..whoah, this one’s making the show for sure! better pick it up a little
Wow. That really is tragic. I think that’s what I felt, the thud when he fell and I guess it may have been the lightning, or the fall itself, which caused him to pass.
..she doesn’t know either, pretty hard to tell really, shouldn’t make her dwell on it
Whatever it was I feel like he felt no pain when it happened, like he just slipped across into the next world.
..she mentioned athletics before, she smiled when she said it. let’s bring him to life again
He’s taking me to the track now, not the horse races, the athletics track. I can see a stadium and the whole family is there; like you all had a bit of family-time there, together at the meet.
A.M:
Yes! Either my husband or I would take the kids on Saturday mornings to little athletics and sometimes the grandparents or the aunts and uncles would come along to watch, and it was a real family atmosphere. We all had a lot of fun. They were good times.
Oaks:
..ok got a bit of info now, she’s lapping it up, at 8 he would have done a bit of everything, no specialising yet, what could it be? we got running, what else, jumping? throwing?
He really is happy there and it’s like, again, he’s here, he’s there. He’s jumping, he’s throwing. He’s doing everything!
..nodding, proud, sad about what might have been
He’s a real all-rounder and would have been a great athlete through school ‘cause I can feel this, athletic prowess, i see him up on a kind of podium, like he’s being presented with a medal or a ribbon.
A.M:
He used to do very well, always in the top few, and his bedroom is covered with medals and ribbons, and trophies.
Oaks:
..did she say ‘is’ covered? okay, sporty, naughty but good, 8 year old. what about this lady? her left arm hasn’t moved the whole time. if she has an issue with her arm, then her son probably helped her a lot, even if he didn’t really want too. losing a helper would have made his death even harder to deal with.
I am seeing him carrying things and helping around the house, doing lots of things, like he was another set of hands, so to speak.
..nodding, whimpering, is that a tear?
Could we have a tissue for this lady please. Thank you.
..okay… she took it with her right hand
I must say, I know we have been speaking this evening with your son, but the whole time we have been talking, I have had a tingling sensation in my left arm, like it is heavy and stiff, almost wanting to go limp.
..take another tissue… right hand again
Is there some sort of concern regarding your left arm? That Saul has been referring to?
A.M:
After Saul passed I, I just lost it, I, I went through quite a few really tough months, and, the doctors aren’t too sure, I’ve had a few opinions, but something happened to me. They say it could be emotional, like a physical breakdown, and I get shooting pains down my left arm and it hurts when I try to use it. He did used to help out quite a bit though, before, and I had a shoulder injury for a while too and he was a great help then as well.
Oaks:
I think that clarifies the image that I was seeing. I think Saul is showing you the path, what he wants you to do and, in a way, he is willing you to help yourself. He thinks you’re going to get better, in fact, he knows it, and he says that he will be with you all the way and get you back to how you used to be. You should start to feel a kind of warm glow in your arm now, from your shoulder all the way down to the tips of your fingers, like a light is being turned on and warming all the muscles, the joints, the ligaments. Your whole arm is softening, loosening and regaining strength. Saul wants this. How does it feel now?
A.M:
Good! It feels better.
Oaks:
It's like Saul is guiding me. Go on, move that hand. Make a fist for me, for Saul! I don’t know if you can see ladies and gentlemen but those fingers are definitely moving. That fist is good enough for me. Well done. Keep at it.
..hopefully she will be able to make a fist one day. gotta be quick, gotta move forward maybe the dog thing? she has the warmth of an animal-lover. It would have to be a large dog, she doesn’t seem like the ‘cutsie-little-yapper’ type. a german shepherd, a rottweiler?
He’s showing me a dog now, a big dog, darkish in colour.
A.M:
This is so amazing! I’m really, just, overwhelmed! The neighbours had a black labrador-retriever, Petie, and Saul used to play with him all the time. He always wanted a dog and I wouldn’t have minded so much but my husband hates dogs. So Petie was it!
Oaks:
..Petie! i said Pete before, gotta bring that in
I think that could have been the ‘Pete’ coming through before? I said, earlier, how Saul was, or is, here, and there, and maybe Petie, this big, black dog, is there with Saul, and they are running around and going exploring together.
..man, I hope this dog is dead! she did say the neighbours ‘had’ a dog
And Petie has passed?
A.M:
Yes, he passed away last year.
Oaks:
..phew!
‘Cause I can see them there, playing together, and they are having a good time together. It’s as if Saul’s trying to say, “Mum, I know you are worried but it’s okay, I’m in a better place”, and he wants you to remember him and all the good things. He also wants you to remember all those long chats you had.
..what the hell does that mean? though you’re looking a bit embarrassed there mum
‘All’ of them, and he says you’ll understand why he wants me to emphasise the ‘all’. He’s telling me to tell you that it’s okay to move forward with your life, and your ‘lives’, I’m seeing your whole family, and it’s like he’s waving away his hands at you all, saying you can, somewhat, leave him to be, but he’s still smiling and he’s happy. See Mum, he’s still looking out for you!
..okay happy ending, young, social kid, vibrant, she said he had lots of medals and ribbons in his room, sporty, gotta have posters on the walls
I’m seeing a picture or a poster up on, maybe it was his bedroom wall? A famous person? Like a sports-star perhaps?
A.M:
Yes! His David Beckham poster! Beckham was his idol!
Oaks:
..sentimental lady, very surprised, spoke earlier about his bedroom being covered with medals and trophies. should work…
Oh yes, that’s him, I think the haircut threw me. And you still have that poster?
A.M:
Yes! I haven’t been able to move a thing in his bedroom since that day.
Oaks:
..we have one! what else can I say?
He wants you to keep that poster. He likes how you go into the room sometimes and look around, and look at the poster, and think of him.
A.M:
I do and my husband does too. They used to love watching soccer together.
Oaks:
I think he is trying to acknowledge his father here too and he wants to say, or, he wants me to say ‘on his behalf’, ‘hello’, he’s passing through his greetings, to his father and to all of your family. And he’s saying it’s okay to change his old bedroom around if you want, maybe you guys have been thinking about it? Wondering how long you should keep it like that? But keep the poster. He likes the poster.
A.M:
Okay. It’s amazing how he showed you his old bedroom. That poster’s going nowhere. Anything for my boy!
Oaks:
..ok, enough of this lady. love ‘em and leave ‘em. i wish they all would. not really though
Once a mother, always a mother. And he wants to wish an older female figure a happy birthday, one that’s just been or is about to be?
..how good will this be if it’s yours? please be yours, even if it was 2 months ago, I’ll make it work. drum roll…
A.M:
It’s his sister’s birthday tomorrow!
Oaks:
An older sister?
A.M:
Yes!
Oaks:
..bingo! finish on a high harold, you psychic you, this one’s a wrap!
I thought so. Well Saul wants me to wish his big sister a happy birthday for tomorrow and he wants you all to know that he will be there with you in spirit. Thank you for time today.
A.M:
No, thank you! That was wonderful!
Oaks:
Thanks, enjoy tomorrow.
..i hope you think it was wonderful, this isn’t easy you know! you gotta be quick, creative, sensitive, adaptable and have a mouth that melts minds. you guys love it, you want it, you need it. watch my show, buy my book.
care for an autograph? how many of you need to see the old ‘H. Oaks’ before you realise? who’s next? maybe over… there?
I’m getting something from this side of the room now, an older male figure?
My name is Darren Jaye and I am a copywriter/creative writer from Sydney, Australia.
I wrote this play/script in response to the people who 'speak to the dead' such as John Edwards.
I hope you enjoy my submission.
Regards,
Darren Jaye
Harold Oaks---------------------------------
Setting: Channel 12 Television Studios. Harold Oaks is a psychic medium. He is in front of a studio-audience, filming his weekly show.-----------------------------------
Harold Oaks:
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
I am here with you all this evening, to communicate with those who you knew, those that have passed forward, and to provide you with a connection, a pathway, a bridge, so that you can make contact and be with them again. I can almost always feel an all-encompassing presence. Even right now I can feel the spirits of many. It’s more a matter of honing in and focusing on just one of the voices.
..look around. these people are all wanting to speak to their dead relatives. why else would they be here? i’ll go, over… there
I’m picking up something in this area of the room.
..there’s always some J and P names in the crowd, here we go…
Is there a John or a Jim? Something with a J?
..hmm
Or a Paul, or a Pete, something with a P?
..nobody? that’s 4 names and 2 starting letters. about 1 in 12 names should have hit by now and there are more than 12 of you here. do the maths. are you all shy or something?
I’m getting a short name
..there’s only so much editing the station can do. anyone?
and a young man…
..look around, find the emotional one. could be one here
You! Did you lose a son?
Audience member:
Yes.
Oaks:
..phew
What was his name?
A.M:
Saul.
Oaks:
Oh, I got Paul, close, and I could feel a youthful male presence. And a short name. It’s probably him.
..ok, let’s get this one rolling
Saul was young when he passed?
..ok i said his name, that always strikes a chord. i asked for someone young anyway, she wants to believe, her eyes are twinkling
A.M:
Yes.
Oaks:
..she looks like a shy, quiet lady, i’m sure she would like to believe he had a sense of humour, whether he did or didn’t, and i’m sure she thought he was either intelligent or street- smart? handsome or cute?
I’m seeing him smiling, nice-looking boy. I think he had a sense of humour and didn’t mind a bit of a joke.
..she’s nodding and laughing but looks a little concerned and almost a touch ashamed. not the typical good-boy
A.M:
Yes.
Oaks:
And he liked to get up to a little mischief?
..ooh, raw-nerve, she looks horrified! must have been a bad-boy
A.M:
Yes.
Oaks:
It’s like he’s running away from me, but he’s laughing, like he’s playing a game with us, still, even here today.
..give me something
A.M:
Yeah, Saul always had a good heart and he was mostly a good kid but he did get up to quite a bit of mischief.
Oaks:
..okay, it seems this one’s all up to me, we’ve got a bad-boy who died fairly young. here goes…
Was he twelve when he passed?
A.M:
Eight.
Oaks:
..damn! i was gonna say 8
Because I’m seeing a young boy, definitely full of youth, but he seems quite… I can’t quite work out whether it’s his physical height or his big presence, or his maturity for his age. Maybe that’s why I was getting someone older, or the impression of someone older?
..there’s gotta be something there, height, maturity, personality, or i’m wrapping this one up. maybe my connection will just happen to ‘weaken’. hopefully someone else here lost a 12 year old, so I can ‘help’ them of course
A.M:
He certainly did have a big personality and he was quite intelligent for his age. When he came into the room, you, and everyone else in the room, would know that he was there. He liked to be the centre of attention.
Oaks:
..finally! ok we got an 8 year old named Saul who was naughty but social
I’m seeing him and he’s stopped running now. He’s stopping to talk to us and I can see lots of other people around him. I think he’s trying to tell me, and you, that he’s okay and that he is surrounded by his ‘new’ friends now.
..she has to be upset that he only lived 8 years
It’s like he wants me to tell you that he is okay and that you shouldn’t be worried that he lived for such a brief period in this lifetime, but it’s as if he’s making up for it now and that’s why he is running around, and full of energy and, living it up almost!
..bulls-eye, that made her happy, I can see the relief, maybe while everyone is feeling good I’ll give myself a bit of cred.
Often, due to the nature of death, I see people with older souls or spirits and they come to me more slowly and gently but this kid is still… he’s bouncing around! He’s here, he’s there. There’s a tremendous amount of energy.
A.M:
He sure had lots of energy. He played soccer, did athletics. He loved going to the beach and he had just started learning the saxophone. He was such a good kid, I miss him so much.
Oaks:
..ok. gotta pick this lady up and move on, this isn’t a ratings winner, maybe it won’t even make it onto the show. ok, cause of death, validation and onto the next one. it was a young death, could be illness or accident, 50/50
I feel like his passing was quite sudden and almost unexpected at the time it happened.
..such a cop-out. she’s nodding. ok, sad, very sad. it was sudden, an accident, a fall or collision
A.M.
Yes.
Oaks:
I’m getting a thud, like a hit or a fall?
..still nodding sadly, give me something. do I have to ask how it happened?
How did he pass?
A.M:
He was struck by lightning.
Oaks:
..holy sh-t! what are the chances?
Struck by lightning?
..still nodding
A.M:
Yes.
Oaks:
I felt that it was sudden and, I guess, well, it doesn’t come more sudden than that.
..did i just say that?
A.M:
Yeah, he was climbing a tree during a storm. At the time, my husband was at home with the kids and he thought they were all inside. They weren’t and Saul thought it would be, a fun idea, to climb a tree with all the swirling wind and rain. My husband heard the bang outside and went out to find our son just lying there. I got a call and it was the worst phone call I have ever had in my entire life. I’ll never forget that day.
Oaks:
..whoah, this one’s making the show for sure! better pick it up a little
Wow. That really is tragic. I think that’s what I felt, the thud when he fell and I guess it may have been the lightning, or the fall itself, which caused him to pass.
..she doesn’t know either, pretty hard to tell really, shouldn’t make her dwell on it
Whatever it was I feel like he felt no pain when it happened, like he just slipped across into the next world.
..she mentioned athletics before, she smiled when she said it. let’s bring him to life again
He’s taking me to the track now, not the horse races, the athletics track. I can see a stadium and the whole family is there; like you all had a bit of family-time there, together at the meet.
A.M:
Yes! Either my husband or I would take the kids on Saturday mornings to little athletics and sometimes the grandparents or the aunts and uncles would come along to watch, and it was a real family atmosphere. We all had a lot of fun. They were good times.
Oaks:
..ok got a bit of info now, she’s lapping it up, at 8 he would have done a bit of everything, no specialising yet, what could it be? we got running, what else, jumping? throwing?
He really is happy there and it’s like, again, he’s here, he’s there. He’s jumping, he’s throwing. He’s doing everything!
..nodding, proud, sad about what might have been
He’s a real all-rounder and would have been a great athlete through school ‘cause I can feel this, athletic prowess, i see him up on a kind of podium, like he’s being presented with a medal or a ribbon.
A.M:
He used to do very well, always in the top few, and his bedroom is covered with medals and ribbons, and trophies.
Oaks:
..did she say ‘is’ covered? okay, sporty, naughty but good, 8 year old. what about this lady? her left arm hasn’t moved the whole time. if she has an issue with her arm, then her son probably helped her a lot, even if he didn’t really want too. losing a helper would have made his death even harder to deal with.
I am seeing him carrying things and helping around the house, doing lots of things, like he was another set of hands, so to speak.
..nodding, whimpering, is that a tear?
Could we have a tissue for this lady please. Thank you.
..okay… she took it with her right hand
I must say, I know we have been speaking this evening with your son, but the whole time we have been talking, I have had a tingling sensation in my left arm, like it is heavy and stiff, almost wanting to go limp.
..take another tissue… right hand again
Is there some sort of concern regarding your left arm? That Saul has been referring to?
A.M:
After Saul passed I, I just lost it, I, I went through quite a few really tough months, and, the doctors aren’t too sure, I’ve had a few opinions, but something happened to me. They say it could be emotional, like a physical breakdown, and I get shooting pains down my left arm and it hurts when I try to use it. He did used to help out quite a bit though, before, and I had a shoulder injury for a while too and he was a great help then as well.
Oaks:
I think that clarifies the image that I was seeing. I think Saul is showing you the path, what he wants you to do and, in a way, he is willing you to help yourself. He thinks you’re going to get better, in fact, he knows it, and he says that he will be with you all the way and get you back to how you used to be. You should start to feel a kind of warm glow in your arm now, from your shoulder all the way down to the tips of your fingers, like a light is being turned on and warming all the muscles, the joints, the ligaments. Your whole arm is softening, loosening and regaining strength. Saul wants this. How does it feel now?
A.M:
Good! It feels better.
Oaks:
It's like Saul is guiding me. Go on, move that hand. Make a fist for me, for Saul! I don’t know if you can see ladies and gentlemen but those fingers are definitely moving. That fist is good enough for me. Well done. Keep at it.
..hopefully she will be able to make a fist one day. gotta be quick, gotta move forward maybe the dog thing? she has the warmth of an animal-lover. It would have to be a large dog, she doesn’t seem like the ‘cutsie-little-yapper’ type. a german shepherd, a rottweiler?
He’s showing me a dog now, a big dog, darkish in colour.
A.M:
This is so amazing! I’m really, just, overwhelmed! The neighbours had a black labrador-retriever, Petie, and Saul used to play with him all the time. He always wanted a dog and I wouldn’t have minded so much but my husband hates dogs. So Petie was it!
Oaks:
..Petie! i said Pete before, gotta bring that in
I think that could have been the ‘Pete’ coming through before? I said, earlier, how Saul was, or is, here, and there, and maybe Petie, this big, black dog, is there with Saul, and they are running around and going exploring together.
..man, I hope this dog is dead! she did say the neighbours ‘had’ a dog
And Petie has passed?
A.M:
Yes, he passed away last year.
Oaks:
..phew!
‘Cause I can see them there, playing together, and they are having a good time together. It’s as if Saul’s trying to say, “Mum, I know you are worried but it’s okay, I’m in a better place”, and he wants you to remember him and all the good things. He also wants you to remember all those long chats you had.
..what the hell does that mean? though you’re looking a bit embarrassed there mum
‘All’ of them, and he says you’ll understand why he wants me to emphasise the ‘all’. He’s telling me to tell you that it’s okay to move forward with your life, and your ‘lives’, I’m seeing your whole family, and it’s like he’s waving away his hands at you all, saying you can, somewhat, leave him to be, but he’s still smiling and he’s happy. See Mum, he’s still looking out for you!
..okay happy ending, young, social kid, vibrant, she said he had lots of medals and ribbons in his room, sporty, gotta have posters on the walls
I’m seeing a picture or a poster up on, maybe it was his bedroom wall? A famous person? Like a sports-star perhaps?
A.M:
Yes! His David Beckham poster! Beckham was his idol!
Oaks:
..sentimental lady, very surprised, spoke earlier about his bedroom being covered with medals and trophies. should work…
Oh yes, that’s him, I think the haircut threw me. And you still have that poster?
A.M:
Yes! I haven’t been able to move a thing in his bedroom since that day.
Oaks:
..we have one! what else can I say?
He wants you to keep that poster. He likes how you go into the room sometimes and look around, and look at the poster, and think of him.
A.M:
I do and my husband does too. They used to love watching soccer together.
Oaks:
I think he is trying to acknowledge his father here too and he wants to say, or, he wants me to say ‘on his behalf’, ‘hello’, he’s passing through his greetings, to his father and to all of your family. And he’s saying it’s okay to change his old bedroom around if you want, maybe you guys have been thinking about it? Wondering how long you should keep it like that? But keep the poster. He likes the poster.
A.M:
Okay. It’s amazing how he showed you his old bedroom. That poster’s going nowhere. Anything for my boy!
Oaks:
..ok, enough of this lady. love ‘em and leave ‘em. i wish they all would. not really though
Once a mother, always a mother. And he wants to wish an older female figure a happy birthday, one that’s just been or is about to be?
..how good will this be if it’s yours? please be yours, even if it was 2 months ago, I’ll make it work. drum roll…
A.M:
It’s his sister’s birthday tomorrow!
Oaks:
An older sister?
A.M:
Yes!
Oaks:
..bingo! finish on a high harold, you psychic you, this one’s a wrap!
I thought so. Well Saul wants me to wish his big sister a happy birthday for tomorrow and he wants you all to know that he will be there with you in spirit. Thank you for time today.
A.M:
No, thank you! That was wonderful!
Oaks:
Thanks, enjoy tomorrow.
..i hope you think it was wonderful, this isn’t easy you know! you gotta be quick, creative, sensitive, adaptable and have a mouth that melts minds. you guys love it, you want it, you need it. watch my show, buy my book.
care for an autograph? how many of you need to see the old ‘H. Oaks’ before you realise? who’s next? maybe over… there?
I’m getting something from this side of the room now, an older male figure?
Saturday, May 8, 2010
My name is Kay and I'd like to submit my play "Encore" as consideration for the Featured Playwright in the future. "Encore" is ten pages long.
I'm a playwright and screenwriter. My plays have been produced around the country and in London, England. I've also had two short films produced "Suburban Psycho" and "Holiday Plans"- both in Los Angeles. Earlier this month, I optioned my full length screenplay.
My inspiration for the play was the recent death of my favorite singer. I wrote the play to give him an ending- even if on paper- that I thought he deserved.
Thank you for considering my work and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Kay Poiro
Encore
Dark stage. JAMES, late 40s/ early 50s, lawyer, 21st century Judas, and dermatologist to the stars DR. BENNIE enter with flashlights. Behind them are KIKI, 30s, ditzy nurse and JO, tall, white woman. All but Jo carry cardboard boxes.
JAMES
(sings)
“It’s close to midnight, something evil’s lurking in the dark...”
KIKI
That’s not funny. Do you know what my horoscope said this morning? “Tragic events”. I’m a Cancer. Cancers can’t handle tragedy.
JO
Anyway, James, this anonymous caller calls and says what, exactly?
JAMES
He said there’s another will.
DR. BENNIE
There’s always another will. Another will, another lawsuit, another lost record...
JAMES
Damn the records. This is about the cash.
Dr. Bennie and Kiki look around, nervous
JAMES
Tell me you guys don’t buy that “haunted house” shit.
DR. BENNIE
(quickly)
I just came ‘cuz I want to look around one last time. And maybe ride the Ferris wheel. Seventeen years and I never got to ride it.
JAMES
Whatever. You play Peter Pan, I’ll find the will, get rid of it and get the hell out of here.
DR. BENNIE
You’re going to get rid of it?
JAMES
Unless it’s in our favor, of course. Don’t worry, man. Don’t you always get your cut?
James leaves
KIKI
(from behind the boxes)
Where can I put these?
JO
Hmm? Wonder what your cut’ll be this time?
DR. BENNIE
You’re still here?
JO
Well, when James said the usual suspects were going back to the ranch, I thought, what a story! “Lawyer James and Dr. Feelgood- Dead Wrong”. Ever heard of someone literally being scared to death?
KIKI
This stuff is really heavy. I think I’ll just set it over here...
She stumbles around the room
DR. BENNIE
(to Jo)
You’re full of it.
KIKI
Guys? I don’t think I can hold these much longer!
JO
Say what you want, but ten grand says he shows up tonight.
James returns with more boxes
JAMES
Even if he did, how would you know? He went from a black man to a white woman in the span of twenty years. Nice work, by the way.
He claps the uncomfortable Dr. Bennie on the back
DR. BENNIE
(to Jo)
First of all, there isn’t going to be a headline because this place isn’t-
KiKi drops the boxes with a thud. Dr. Bennie jumps.
JAMES
(to Jo)
Did I mention how gorgeous you look tonight?
He tries to touch her, she smacks his hand away
JAMES
Anybody know why there’s KFC in the kitchen?
They all search through the boxes
KIKI
That used to be his favorite food. What if he’s...?
DR. BENNIE
He’s dead, Kiki.
JO
And you know this because...
DR. BENNIE
Because me and a bazillion other people watched the memorial on T.V.
JO
You mean that circus with the fake tears and the big, gold, empty casket?
JAMES
Please.
DR. BENNIE
That casket wasn’t empty.
KIKI
I heard it was empty, too. I heard he was still alive.
Everyone groans
KIKI
I’m serious! You didn’t see the video of him in the helicopter? Or his ghost on CNN?
JAMES
Sure, I saw it. Trust me, the man’s as cold as his singing career.
KIKI
James! How could you? Weren’t you his lawyer?
JAMES
Yep, and that’s how I can say we’re better off. That freak did a lot toward healing the world when he left it.
JO
You might want to keep the harsh words to a minimum, James. Especially in his living room.
KIKI
Jo’s right. The walls might have ears.
DR. BENNIE
Boy, if these walls could talk...
JO
And what would they say, doctor? Would they tell on you?
JAMES
Here we go again...
After a long pause, Kiki starts talking, almost to herself
KIKI
I was at a stoplight on La Brea. Tasha texted me. He was dead. Heart attack. I thought it was a joke. Then, I got a text from Dr. Bennie. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I only met him a couple of times at the end of my shift, but I sensed a connection...I just loved him so much!
She breaks down. Jo comforts her.
KIKI
(hysterical)
Ever since I was a little girl, I used to talk to my poster, the one where he’s wearing the yellow sweater? I didn’t see why everybody said he was a-
DR. BENNIE
Nutcase?
JO-Eccentric. If I were you, I’d stay right here in this room, wait until daylight and then leave. Peacefully. With your sanity.
DR. BENNIE
What about the Ferris Wheel?
KIKI
Guys, I never told you this but I’m a little bit psychic.
She closes her eyes, concentrating. James pulls a jacket and hat out of a box, slips them on
KIKI
He’s here.
DR. BENNIE
Don’t get yourself worked up again.
KIKI
And he wants us out of his house.
DR. BENNIE
It’s not his house. The bank owns it. He abandoned the house and he abandoned us.
KIKI/ JO/ JAMES
“Us”?
Dr. Bennie continues talking and searching through the boxes, talks as if nobody is there.
DR. BENNIE
After the second trial, I told him “fire everybody”. The handlers, the advisors- everybody. I told him he needs to go on T.V. and just blast those lying sons-of-bitches. I wanted him to get pissed! Stand up, look us in the eye and say he didn’t do it.
(pause)
He was a patient, but goddamn if he wasn’t a friend. None of us got to say goodbye. Not even his kids. What kind of man does that to his kids...?
JO
Let he who is without sin, Dr. Feelgood...
DR. BENNIE
(angry)
Stop calling me that! I’m not saying I didn’t do my part, all right? I knew I was wrong, I’m not saying that it wasn’t. But he was a fifty year old man. He knew what he was doing.
James doubles over, groaning. He wears a fedora and a high school letterman’s jacket.
KIKI
Are you all right?
DR. BENNIE
What happened?
James looks up, mimicking a werewolf.
JAMES
Go away!
KiKi screams as James falls over, laughing.
JAMES
I can’t believe you idiots! Where’s your sense of humor?
JO
“Thriller”. Clever.
JAMES
See? At least documentary filmmaker lady gets it. How do you like the outfit? There’s all kind of crap in these boxes.
KIKI
I don’t like it. I don’t like any of this. (she gets into her coat) I need some air.
She leaves, upset
DR. BENNIE
Wait. I’ll go with you.
Kiki and Dr. Bennie leave
JAMES
Well, that’s it. No will and another waste of time. Let’s get this mess back down to the basement.
He starts packing up boxes; Jo calmly locks the door
JO
You sure talk a lot of noise about him, you know that?
JAMES
So what? His own brothers talk about him.
JO
You talk noise, and then have the nerve to break into his house and rifle through his past-
JAMES
Whoa! Legally, it’s my house. Legally, I own everything from the train station to the monkey cages.
JO
Oh, please. You’re trespassing and you know it. I’ve seen you on T.V. You don’t think that hurts?
From outside, KiKi screams
JAMES
What the hell was that?
Jo ignores him
JAMES
Look, we can get them in the morning. Let’s get out of here.
Jo tenderly runs her fingers over the windowsills and walls.
JO
This place was so magical. Would you believe, that after all this, the only thing I wanted was someone to talk to? It’s true. Someone to talk to and a real friend.
James looks confused.
JO
Sh’mon, James. You didn’t think you’d get away with this, did you?
JAMES
(laughs nervously)
You’re fucking with me.
JO
(mimicking James)
“He’s had so much surgery, he went from a black man to a white woman.”
James realizes what’s happening and bolts for the door, it’s locked. Jo patiently waits for him to stop struggling
JAMES
I’m not the only one. What about Bennie?
As she talks, she advances on James, cornering him.
JO
I trusted you, James. You were my lawyer! I brought you around my children, my mother. Then you go on Larry King and CNN with your filthy lies...I trusted you!
She kicks over boxes, furious
JAMES
I...I didn’t mean half that stuff.
JO
Then why did you say it?
JAMES
I...I don’t know. ‘Cause I thought it was funny?
JO
It wasn’t.
JAMES
I’m sorry.
JO
Too late.
JAMES
Hey, look. Bennie’s got some stuff out in the car.
Jo scoffs
JAMES
Come on. A couple hundred cc’s of your “milk” and you’ll feel much better. Get some sleep, right? It’ll be just like old times.
JO
These are new times, James. Better times.
Pause
JAMES
Are you- are you gonna kill me?
Jo giggles; from outside, Kiki yells “Oh, my God!”
JAMES
What’s going on out there?
JO
They must have found your body. I begged you to stay with me, but you went anyway. You slipped and fell and your poor head was cracked wide open. Blood everywhere.
James sits, realizing his fate. Jo takes the fedora from him, puts it on.
JO
So, how about it, James? One last show? For old times’ sake?
James whimpers, shakes his head frantically.
JO
No? Come on. I promise it’ll be “dangerous”. Dangerous and really, really...
She snaps her fingers.
Stage Black.
JO
Bad.
END
I'm a playwright and screenwriter. My plays have been produced around the country and in London, England. I've also had two short films produced "Suburban Psycho" and "Holiday Plans"- both in Los Angeles. Earlier this month, I optioned my full length screenplay.
My inspiration for the play was the recent death of my favorite singer. I wrote the play to give him an ending- even if on paper- that I thought he deserved.
Thank you for considering my work and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Kay Poiro
Encore
Dark stage. JAMES, late 40s/ early 50s, lawyer, 21st century Judas, and dermatologist to the stars DR. BENNIE enter with flashlights. Behind them are KIKI, 30s, ditzy nurse and JO, tall, white woman. All but Jo carry cardboard boxes.
JAMES
(sings)
“It’s close to midnight, something evil’s lurking in the dark...”
KIKI
That’s not funny. Do you know what my horoscope said this morning? “Tragic events”. I’m a Cancer. Cancers can’t handle tragedy.
JO
Anyway, James, this anonymous caller calls and says what, exactly?
JAMES
He said there’s another will.
DR. BENNIE
There’s always another will. Another will, another lawsuit, another lost record...
JAMES
Damn the records. This is about the cash.
Dr. Bennie and Kiki look around, nervous
JAMES
Tell me you guys don’t buy that “haunted house” shit.
DR. BENNIE
(quickly)
I just came ‘cuz I want to look around one last time. And maybe ride the Ferris wheel. Seventeen years and I never got to ride it.
JAMES
Whatever. You play Peter Pan, I’ll find the will, get rid of it and get the hell out of here.
DR. BENNIE
You’re going to get rid of it?
JAMES
Unless it’s in our favor, of course. Don’t worry, man. Don’t you always get your cut?
James leaves
KIKI
(from behind the boxes)
Where can I put these?
JO
Hmm? Wonder what your cut’ll be this time?
DR. BENNIE
You’re still here?
JO
Well, when James said the usual suspects were going back to the ranch, I thought, what a story! “Lawyer James and Dr. Feelgood- Dead Wrong”. Ever heard of someone literally being scared to death?
KIKI
This stuff is really heavy. I think I’ll just set it over here...
She stumbles around the room
DR. BENNIE
(to Jo)
You’re full of it.
KIKI
Guys? I don’t think I can hold these much longer!
JO
Say what you want, but ten grand says he shows up tonight.
James returns with more boxes
JAMES
Even if he did, how would you know? He went from a black man to a white woman in the span of twenty years. Nice work, by the way.
He claps the uncomfortable Dr. Bennie on the back
DR. BENNIE
(to Jo)
First of all, there isn’t going to be a headline because this place isn’t-
KiKi drops the boxes with a thud. Dr. Bennie jumps.
JAMES
(to Jo)
Did I mention how gorgeous you look tonight?
He tries to touch her, she smacks his hand away
JAMES
Anybody know why there’s KFC in the kitchen?
They all search through the boxes
KIKI
That used to be his favorite food. What if he’s...?
DR. BENNIE
He’s dead, Kiki.
JO
And you know this because...
DR. BENNIE
Because me and a bazillion other people watched the memorial on T.V.
JO
You mean that circus with the fake tears and the big, gold, empty casket?
JAMES
Please.
DR. BENNIE
That casket wasn’t empty.
KIKI
I heard it was empty, too. I heard he was still alive.
Everyone groans
KIKI
I’m serious! You didn’t see the video of him in the helicopter? Or his ghost on CNN?
JAMES
Sure, I saw it. Trust me, the man’s as cold as his singing career.
KIKI
James! How could you? Weren’t you his lawyer?
JAMES
Yep, and that’s how I can say we’re better off. That freak did a lot toward healing the world when he left it.
JO
You might want to keep the harsh words to a minimum, James. Especially in his living room.
KIKI
Jo’s right. The walls might have ears.
DR. BENNIE
Boy, if these walls could talk...
JO
And what would they say, doctor? Would they tell on you?
JAMES
Here we go again...
After a long pause, Kiki starts talking, almost to herself
KIKI
I was at a stoplight on La Brea. Tasha texted me. He was dead. Heart attack. I thought it was a joke. Then, I got a text from Dr. Bennie. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I only met him a couple of times at the end of my shift, but I sensed a connection...I just loved him so much!
She breaks down. Jo comforts her.
KIKI
(hysterical)
Ever since I was a little girl, I used to talk to my poster, the one where he’s wearing the yellow sweater? I didn’t see why everybody said he was a-
DR. BENNIE
Nutcase?
JO-Eccentric. If I were you, I’d stay right here in this room, wait until daylight and then leave. Peacefully. With your sanity.
DR. BENNIE
What about the Ferris Wheel?
KIKI
Guys, I never told you this but I’m a little bit psychic.
She closes her eyes, concentrating. James pulls a jacket and hat out of a box, slips them on
KIKI
He’s here.
DR. BENNIE
Don’t get yourself worked up again.
KIKI
And he wants us out of his house.
DR. BENNIE
It’s not his house. The bank owns it. He abandoned the house and he abandoned us.
KIKI/ JO/ JAMES
“Us”?
Dr. Bennie continues talking and searching through the boxes, talks as if nobody is there.
DR. BENNIE
After the second trial, I told him “fire everybody”. The handlers, the advisors- everybody. I told him he needs to go on T.V. and just blast those lying sons-of-bitches. I wanted him to get pissed! Stand up, look us in the eye and say he didn’t do it.
(pause)
He was a patient, but goddamn if he wasn’t a friend. None of us got to say goodbye. Not even his kids. What kind of man does that to his kids...?
JO
Let he who is without sin, Dr. Feelgood...
DR. BENNIE
(angry)
Stop calling me that! I’m not saying I didn’t do my part, all right? I knew I was wrong, I’m not saying that it wasn’t. But he was a fifty year old man. He knew what he was doing.
James doubles over, groaning. He wears a fedora and a high school letterman’s jacket.
KIKI
Are you all right?
DR. BENNIE
What happened?
James looks up, mimicking a werewolf.
JAMES
Go away!
KiKi screams as James falls over, laughing.
JAMES
I can’t believe you idiots! Where’s your sense of humor?
JO
“Thriller”. Clever.
JAMES
See? At least documentary filmmaker lady gets it. How do you like the outfit? There’s all kind of crap in these boxes.
KIKI
I don’t like it. I don’t like any of this. (she gets into her coat) I need some air.
She leaves, upset
DR. BENNIE
Wait. I’ll go with you.
Kiki and Dr. Bennie leave
JAMES
Well, that’s it. No will and another waste of time. Let’s get this mess back down to the basement.
He starts packing up boxes; Jo calmly locks the door
JO
You sure talk a lot of noise about him, you know that?
JAMES
So what? His own brothers talk about him.
JO
You talk noise, and then have the nerve to break into his house and rifle through his past-
JAMES
Whoa! Legally, it’s my house. Legally, I own everything from the train station to the monkey cages.
JO
Oh, please. You’re trespassing and you know it. I’ve seen you on T.V. You don’t think that hurts?
From outside, KiKi screams
JAMES
What the hell was that?
Jo ignores him
JAMES
Look, we can get them in the morning. Let’s get out of here.
Jo tenderly runs her fingers over the windowsills and walls.
JO
This place was so magical. Would you believe, that after all this, the only thing I wanted was someone to talk to? It’s true. Someone to talk to and a real friend.
James looks confused.
JO
Sh’mon, James. You didn’t think you’d get away with this, did you?
JAMES
(laughs nervously)
You’re fucking with me.
JO
(mimicking James)
“He’s had so much surgery, he went from a black man to a white woman.”
James realizes what’s happening and bolts for the door, it’s locked. Jo patiently waits for him to stop struggling
JAMES
I’m not the only one. What about Bennie?
As she talks, she advances on James, cornering him.
JO
I trusted you, James. You were my lawyer! I brought you around my children, my mother. Then you go on Larry King and CNN with your filthy lies...I trusted you!
She kicks over boxes, furious
JAMES
I...I didn’t mean half that stuff.
JO
Then why did you say it?
JAMES
I...I don’t know. ‘Cause I thought it was funny?
JO
It wasn’t.
JAMES
I’m sorry.
JO
Too late.
JAMES
Hey, look. Bennie’s got some stuff out in the car.
Jo scoffs
JAMES
Come on. A couple hundred cc’s of your “milk” and you’ll feel much better. Get some sleep, right? It’ll be just like old times.
JO
These are new times, James. Better times.
Pause
JAMES
Are you- are you gonna kill me?
Jo giggles; from outside, Kiki yells “Oh, my God!”
JAMES
What’s going on out there?
JO
They must have found your body. I begged you to stay with me, but you went anyway. You slipped and fell and your poor head was cracked wide open. Blood everywhere.
James sits, realizing his fate. Jo takes the fedora from him, puts it on.
JO
So, how about it, James? One last show? For old times’ sake?
James whimpers, shakes his head frantically.
JO
No? Come on. I promise it’ll be “dangerous”. Dangerous and really, really...
She snaps her fingers.
Stage Black.
JO
Bad.
END
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