Record Playwrite

2010-07-16T07:04:00.001-07:00

Glass of Water
- a dark comedy in one act -

by Michael Brandonisio

Characters: Lee. Mid-30s, medium height and build.
Anton. Mid-30s, medium height and build.

Setting: A plain room with a single window upstage right. The window has a shade
drawn across it, letting in a hint of daylight. Near the window, a stand-up
wardrobe closet.

Stage left, a door. Upstage left, off center, a well-worn sofa.

Stage right, a mid-sized table with four chairs. Near this table a cot and a lamp
with lampshade on a tall stand.

LEE sits in a rocking chair in center of room. Rocking back and forth. He wears a long sleeve, white button down shirt with the top button fastened. Gray pants. Lee stares into space as he rocks in the chair.

A small table is positioned next to Lee. A thick hardcover book and two drinking glasses lie on top of the table. One of the drinking glasses is half-full with water. The other is empty. Alongside the drinking glasses and book, a white plastic Rx pill bottle.

Near the small table, down stage left, a turned off analog television set with a rabbit ears antenna facing out towards the audience.

Lee looks at the small table. He stops rocking in the chair. Lee averts his gaze from the table. Starts rocking in chair again as he stares straight ahead. He gazes again at the table. Stops rocking. Picks up the book from the table. Turns the pages at random.

There is a knock at the door. Pause.

Lee looks at the door. Pause.

ANTON enters the room.

ANTON: How’ve you been, Lee?

Anton closes door. He wears a dark blazer, black pants and a gray shirt with top button fastened. Anton takes a few steps towards Lee. Lee puts the book back on the table.

LEE: I heard you knock, but did you hear me say come in?

ANTON: I thought I did. May I sit down?

LEE: If you so desire.

ANTON: Yes, I would. Thank you.

Anton crosses to mid-sized table stage right, chooses a chair and drags it to where Lee is.
Anton remains standing. He takes off his jacket and drapes it over the chair.

LEE: You know, Anton, desire is a funny thing.
ANTON: How so?

LEE: You know.

ANTON: Of course I do, Lee.

Anton chuckles.

LEE: Well, there you go. Nothing less, nothing more.

Anton looks at the small table next to Lee with the various objects on it.

ANTON: Have you been reading?

LEE: In a way, I suppose. But I don’t read in the traditional sense. I gave that up.

ANTON: So, what do you do instead?

LEE: I gaze.

ANTON: You mean you gaze at the page without actually reading the words?

LEE: Yes. I gaze and absorb.

ANTON: There must be a reason you gaze and absorb while not reading.

LEE: There is.

Anton waits for Lee to continue with his explanation, but Lee keeps mum.

ANTON: Will you tell me why you gaze and absorb while not reading?

LEE: I just might if you just stopped asking me silly questions all the time. Sit down.
ANTON: I will. I’m sorry if I upset you.

LEE: You don’t upset me. You simply annoy me.

ANTON: I’m sorry, Lee. Do you want me to go?

LEE: No. Stay. I just don’t want to hear anything more about how sorry you are.

Anton irked, turns away from Lee. Lee is relaxed. Anton turns, faces Lee.

ANTON:(calm, yet edgy) I’ll tell you this, Lee. My sorrow, my sorrow doesn’t mean
I still don’t care about you. It’s not a fifty-fifty proposition.

LEE: Yes, no doubt. That’s what it means. Winner takes all.

ANTON:(calmer): That’s right. I don’t do things by half.

LEE: Hmmm, I understand. Would you like a glass of water?

Anton points at the glass of water on the small table next to Lee.

ANTON: That one?

LEE: Yes, that one.

ANTON: I would prefer a fresh glass of water. Thank you.

LEE: But there’s nothing wrong with this particular glass of water. I haven’t put it to
my lips. It’s not contaminated. I wouldn’t poison you, Anton. You’re my last link
to a world gone all coo-coo bird.

ANTON: I understand. I love you like a brother, too. Did you take your meds today?

LEE: I did, Anton. I did.

ANTON: No lie?

LEE: Lee doesn’t lie. Why don’t you sit down?

ANTON: But the water, as you yourself said, hasn’t been touched. You couldn’t have
taken the meds.

LEE: Don’t be such a fusspot. I don’t need to drink water to take them.

ANTON: Of course, you do. Otherwise, you’d choke to death.

LEE: No, I wouldn’t. I do it all the time. I’m an expert. I just took a couple before you
arrived. Would you like to try some with the water?

ANTON: No. I’m fine, Lee. I’m fine.

LEE: Still, we shouldn’t let this water go to waste.

ANTON: You can drink it. I won’t stop you.

LEE: I’m not in the least bit thirsty, but you look like you might be. Sit down.

Lee picks up the glass of water and offers it to Anton. Anton takes the glass and looks at it closely. Inspecting it.

ANTON: Hmmm, it looks clean.

LEE: That’s because it is clean. Go ahead, Anton. Down the hatch.

Anton places the glass of water under his nose. Sniffs it.

ANTON: It smells clean.

LEE: Yes, it has a nice fresh smell to it.

ANTON: Yes, like beautiful flowers. It makes you want to drink it.

Anton brings the glass to his lips.

LEE: No, don’t. It could be poisoned.

ANTON: But we both agreed that the water is not contaminated.

Lee stands up from the rocking chair.

LEE: I said poisoned , not contaminated. There’s a difference. Anyway, we can’t
believe everything we hear, or so I’ve heard. One never truly knows. That’s what
the old village idiot used to say to me. ‘Son, in life, one never truly knows.’ He
never did. Sit down, Anton. Relax.

Anton goes to the rocking chair and sits. He puts the glass of water down on the table.

LEE
I’ll be right back.

Lee picks up the empty glass from the table. He crosses to the door, opens it and walks out, closing the door behind him.
Anton starts rocking in the chair. The Rx bottle on the table catches his eye. He stops rocking. He picks up the Rx bottle. Looks at it closely. Opens it. Looks into it.

ANTON: Let’s see.

He pours out a handful of pills. Pops them into his mouth. Chews and swallows them down without water.

ANTON: Hmmm. Not bad. Tastes like candy.

He pops more pills into his mouth. Chews and swallows them down. Sits quietly in the rocking chair. He seems to expect something to happen. Nothing happens. He starts rocking in the chair again. Back and forth. Faster and faster.

Anton gradually slows down until the rocking chair comes to a full stop. He stays perfectly still for some time, gazing straight ahead.

He shuts his eyes. After a while, his head slumps to one side. Silence.

LIGHTS on stage begin to dim.

The television in the room suddenly switches on by itself. Black and white image of American flag, blowing in the wind. Lee’s face superimposed on flag.

LIGHTS continue to dim.

LEE (on TV)
And so it goes, old friend. And so it goes,
it goes, and it goes. Where it stops, one
never knows. One never knows…never…
never…never…never.

Total darkness now on stage except for a spotlight on the glass of water half-full on the small table and Lee’s face on the television screen, staring out.

Hold for some time. Abruptly the television goes black. The only thing left visible on stage is the glass of water half-full. Hold for some time.

LIGHTS dim on the glass of water until it is no longer seen.

Hold on blackness.

CURTAIN

2010-05-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

Hello, I have attached my short one-act play, Absolution, to this email for consideration in your magazine. I am a student at Saint Mary's College pursuing a BA in English Writing and a BFA in Studio Art. I've maintained a particular fascination with playwriting due to my involvement with theatre as a backstage technician. This play was inspired by personal struggles with giving and receiving forgiveness. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or responses to my work. Thank you for your time.

Caitlin Duerinck

Absolution

(The scene is a six-by eight prison cell which contains one bed, a chair and toilet facilities. There is also a folding table supporting a tray which contains deep-dish pizza, fried chicken, garlic bread, orange cream soda and white cupcakes with chocolate frosting. LIGHTS rise on BOBBY, a convict, sitting on the bed, consuming the food. A GUARD unlocks the cell and MATTHEW, a young priest, enters, standing nervously.

Bobby
(Glancing up and gesturing with a half-eaten cupcake)
Look. Look at this! They managed to get Gino’s East all the way from Chicago, but they couldn’t find funfetti cake mix!
(muttering)
They’re obviously communist. Can’t even get a man’s last meal right.
(pauses)
You’re not the normal guy.

MATthew
No, Father Machlon’s been ill recently. I’m Father Williams.

Bobby
(eating pizza)
Huh. You’re too young to be father of anything. What’s your real name, kid?

Matthew
(reluctantly)
Matthew.

Bobby
Well, Matt, I’m Bobby Padon.

(BOBBY extends his hand. MATTHEW hesitantly shakes it, then sits on the spare chair.)

BOBBY
Thanks for coming down.

Matthew
(somewhat sharply)
It’s my duty. Are you ready to make peace with the Lord?

Bobby
(scoffing)
Please. I’m in the middle of my dinner.

(BOBBY eats a cupcake in silence. MATTHEW shifts uncomfortably, leaning forward.)

MATTHEW
Are you a Christian, Mr. Padon?

BOBBY
Nah, eight years of Catholic school beat God right out of me. And the name’s Bobby.

MATTHEW
(exasperated)
Then why, in the name of all that is good, would you request religious counsel when you have no religion?

(BOBBY puts down the cupcake and pauses.)

BOBBY
I’ve got no faith. Haven’t for years.
(pause)
But the one boy did. He, he had this medal, ya see, and he was holding onto it, holding it so hard. And he wouldn’t let it go, not even when I was whaling on him. He just, just curled up and held onto that damn medal.

(MATTHEW stands, leaving the bible on his chair.)

MATTHEW
Do you want to make a confession?

(MATTHEW paces, fingering his saint medal. BOBBY shakes his head, laughing bitterly)

BOBBY
I never denied what I done. I killed him and the two other boys he was with. That medal’s what got me convicted, did ya know that? I ripped it outta the boy’s hand and took it home, idiot that I was. I didn’t want him to have it if it meant so much. Not after what they took from me.
(picks up his cupcake)
Funfetti cupcakes were her favorite.

(MATTHEW walks behind the folding chair and grips it.)

MATTHEW
I don’t understand. What do you want from me?

BOBBY
(introspectively, while eating)
It’s a bit ironic, isn’t it? The thing I stole from the body of that kid sent me here. It’s almost like divine justice.

(BOBBY puts down his food and turns to face MATTHEW.)

BOBBY
I don’t know what to say. The guards said I should prepare some last words. That I should ask for forgiveness from the families. But I don’t want it, not from them. Never from them.

(BOBBY pauses, looks at his hands, then at MATTHEW.)

BOBBY
It’s not like it would change anything. I’d still be here, and their boys, their boys would still be dead by my hands.

MATTHEW
You could apologize. They might-

BOBBY
(cutting off MATTHEW, shouting)
NO! No. I can’t do it. I won’t.

MATTHEW
(frustrated)
Why? Don’t you think it will give them some measure of comfort that the murderer of their sons at least regrets his actions?

(BOBBY stands, nearly knocking over his tray. BOBBY leans towards MATTHEW. MATTHEW steps backwards, away from BOBBY.)

BOBBY
(suppressed anger)
Maybe. Maybe it would help ‘em, but I’m no liar, and I’m not liable to start now.

(BOBBY points a finger at MATTHEW)

I don’t regret it.

MATTHEW
(leans further away from BOBBY)
How can you not regret your actions?

BOBBY
(Shouting)
Because they deserved what they got! They fuckin’ deserved it!

MATTHEW
(desperately)
They were seventeen years old!

BOBBY
And had been dealing for years.
(Barking laugh)
You can bet they didn’t give a rat’s ass when their customers, young idiots like my sister, started dropping from their tainted drugs. I was doing the city a favor, getting scum like them off the streets.

MATTHEW
(viciously)
But they weren’t all criminals, were they?

(BOBBY backs off and sinks onto his seat. He rests his head in his hands. MATTHEW stands tense.)

BOBBY
(weakly)
No. no, they weren’t all worthless. Tony Lombardi and Eric Freeman, they got what was coming to them. They hurt me, so I hurt back. If it hadn’ta been me, it would have been some other brother or father or husband who watched their loved one overdose and die in some piss-poor little clinic.
(pause)
But that one boy… Elliot… he was different. And what the hell could I possibly say to his family that would make what I did even the least little bit less painful, huh?

(MATTHEW moves toward BOBBY.)

MATTHEW
Anything. If you had said anything at all, expressed even the slightest shred of remorse then maybe, maybe we wouldn’t have hurt so bad for all these years.

BOBBY
(looking up at MATTHEW, sharply)
We?

MATTHEW
Elliot Williams was my older brother.

(BOBBY leans away from MATTHEW, keeping his head up but not looking at MATTHEW. MATTHEW stands behind chair, holding it tightly.)

BOBBY
Your…you… and they let you come here? The priests sent you here, knowing?

MATTHEW
(sharply shakes head once)
They didn’t know. Father Machlon suspected, but he didn’t ask. I think he knew that I needed to see you.

BOBBY
(growing angry)
Why? Why now?

MATTHEW
For eighteen years my parents kept me away from what you did. They didn’t let me go to the trials or watch the news. They didn’t even take me to the funeral.

(MATTHEW looking down, unhappily)

I missed by brother’s funeral. And he was a good brother.

(MATTHEW pauses, touches his saint medal)

Elliot’s birthday was last week. He promised me he’d have a Pulitzer by the time he was 35. He wanted to be-

BOBBY
(cutting MATTHEW off)
A journalist. Yeah, I know. They told me that’s why he was out there. An expose on teen drug dealers.

MATTHEW
(showing medal to BOBBY)
I gave him that medal when he started that piece. Saint Maximilian Kolbe, patron saint of Journalists and drug addicts. I thought it would guard him. Turns out it wasn’t the gangsters he needed protection from.

BOBBY
(Angry)
He shouldn’t have been out there.

MATTHEW
I know. You think I don’t know that, that I don’t regret doing it?
(pause)
I’m the one that covered for Elliot, told our parents he was staying over at a friend’s so he could get an “accurate perspective”. He was out there that night because of me, because I lied. And then you killed him. If I’d just told him no…

(MATTHEW picks up the bible on the chair and sits, leaning forward and looking at the bible.)

BOBBY
He would have found another way. Nothing would be different.

MATTHEW
Maybe. Maybe, but it hurts, knowing that I could have saved him and didn’t.

(BOBBY stands, going to the window and looking up at it, his back to MATTHEW.)

BOBBY
He was a fool, a moron for going places he didn’t-

(MATTHEW jumps to his feet, gesturing with the bible threateningly. BOBBY turns to face him.)

MATTHEW
(furiously)
Don’t you dare! Don’t you even dare try to defend what happened! You beat an innocent child until he stopped breathing.(despairingly) And my brother priests? They want me to forgive that? I can’t even forgive myself.

(MATTHEW sits, exhausted.)

BOBBY
I don’t need their forgiveness. Or yours.

MATTHEW
But don’t you…

BOBBY
(sharply)
Don’t I what? Wish I could go back in time and beat my own stupid, angry self so I don’t do anything brash? Done something, anything so those boys might have survived?(pauses) No. of course not. There’s no point in wishing for might-have–beens. Wishes don’t change anything.

(BOBBY walks to the cot and sits. He pokes at the food on the tray with a fork.)

MATTHEW
That doesn’t mean the wishing hurts anyone.

BOBBY
(tossing the fork on the tray with flair)
Oh, doesn’t it now? Then tell me, Father Williams, has your wishing done any good? Have your most heartfelt prayers been answered? Has your brother risen from the grave like Jesus-the-Lord hisownself? How does it feel to know that your God has ignored your wishes?

MATTHEW
(defensive)
He has not ignored my prayers. Since his funeral I have never, not once, prayed that Elliot would rise from the dead.

BOBBY
Then what do you pray for, oh benevolent and all-knowing Father?

MATTHEW
(angrily)
I prayed for the strength to come here and look into your eyes. To find out, after all these years, if you really are the monster I’d built up in my head as a child. But you’re not. You’re just a man. And somehow that makes it worse.

(MATTHEW stands, holding the bible, and walks towards the window, speaking almost to himself.)

MATTHEW
I don’t understand. How could you hurt someone so badly when you’re just a man?

BOBBY
What do you want me to say? That I was angry? Or young? That I was stricken out of my mind with grief? Even if those are true, excuses are worthless.

MATTHEW
(turns to face BOBBY)
But so is revenge. Retribution only ever increases pain, by magnifying it in our hearts and spreading it to others.

BOBBY
I know that now. But back then all I saw was my sister seizing on the floor and it hurt so damn much. It still hurts.(softly) How the hell was I supposed to make it stop?

(MATTHEW stands behind his chair.)

MATTHEW
The lord teaches us that the only way to ease pain is to forgive the one who hurt you.

BOBBY
But how do you do that?

MATTHEW
(in disbelief, near tears)
I don’t know. I pray and I pray and I pray for guidance but I just don’t know.

(MATTHEW paces wildly, talking almost to himself. BOBBY follows with his eyes but doesn’t try to interrupt or move.)

MATTHEW
Father Machlon told me that forgiveness involves two steps undertaken between two people. The guilty must ask for absolution and the wronged chooses to grant it. The wronged chooses to let go of the pain and forget.

(MATTHEW pauses near the window with his back to BOBBY, looking upwards.)

He always said forgiveness was a choice, a choice which must be made freely.

(MATTHEW turns quickly and throws his saint medal against the upstage wall somewhat near BOBBY, but not directly aimed at him. BOBBY flinches, but otherwise sits motionless, face downcast.)

MATTHEW
(angrily, with a hit of despair)
But it isn’t. It isn’t a choice at all, not for me.
(pause, clenches fists)
My faith requires that I forgive you. God, I wish I could forgive you. But every single time I try to let go, to forget, I imagine what was left of my brother after you finished with him and I’m reminded of how much I hate you.

BOBBY
(softly)
I hate me too. God, I hate me.

(GUARD enters. BOBBY and MATTHEW turn quickly to face him, surprised at his entrance. GUARD gestures towards the door. BOBBY nods, stands, pauses at the door to the cell and exits, moving downstage center. GUARD exits. MATTHEW faces audiences, but stays in the cell. LIGHTS fade to two spotlights on MATTHEW and BOBBY as they move into position.)

BOBBY MATTHEW
To the families of Tony God the Father of Mercies has
Lombardi, Eric Freeman and reconciled the world to
and Elliot Williams, I want Himself through the death
to apologize most sincerely and resurrection of His Son
for the pain and sadness I and has poured forth the Holy
I have caused you. I thought Spirit for the forgiveness of
what I did was right, but it sins. May he grant you pardon
wasn’t. It wasn’t and I’m and peace through the
sorry. I’m so sorry. Ministry of the Church.

BOBBY
I hope you can forgive me one day.

(BOBBY’s LIGHT fades instantly to black. MATTHEW pauses, picks up the medal and looks at it closely while crouching. MATTHEW clutches the medal in a fist and stands.)

MATTHEW
And I absolve you from your sin in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.

(LIGHTS fade to black. The end of the play).

2010-05-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

5 LB. TEST PRODUCTIONS

LOVE AT FIRST LIGHT

A SHORT PLAY

JEFF DAINTON
3/24/2010
ELROCKJD@AOL.COM

2

Darkness. THE HACKING COUGH of 1. Three ZIPPOS light 3 cigarettes, illuminating the faces of #2, #3 and #4 sitting in chairs. A fourth chair sits empty. The Zippos SNAP SHUT. Darkness. 1 enters and stands off stage. He tries to light a Zippo to see. No luck.

1: Can someone get the lights, please?
(Three Zippos light up. 1 enters. The Zippos SNAP SHUT, leaving the stage dark)
1: Cute. Now how about those lights?
3: Why bother? (Taking a drag)
1: Because I can’t see a damn thing, that’s why bother!
(3 lights his Zippo. 1 moves toward the empty chair. 3 SNAPS IT SHUT before he can get there. Darkness…again..
1: I’m not even sure why I agreed to do this with you people. (Finally sitting, fumbling w/ his chair.)
2: We’re not 100% sure why you agreed either. (Taking a drag.)
3: No idea. (Taking a drag.)
4: Not a clue. (Taking a drag.)
1: If I had any sense, I’d get up and walk right out of here.
4: You’d probably fall.
3: And break your neck.
2: Or worse.
1: How do you figure?
( 2, 3 and 4 light up their Zippos.)
2, 3, 4: No lights.
(2, 3, and 4 SNAP their Zippos SHUT. 2,3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE. They are free to do so at will throughout the piece but do so in unison when stage directed to. 1 COUGHS LOUDLY)
2: I would have that checked, if I were you.

3

4: Soon.
3: The sooner the better.
1: You guys should talk.
(2, 3, and 4 ADLIB about smoking related problems, illnesses, experiences, finishing their cigarettes.)
1: All right! Enough! I get it!
(2, 3, and 4 light up their Zippos and fresh cigarettes.)
1: Guess I walked into that one.
2: Head first.
4: Up to your eyeballs.
3: You invented That Walk.
1: Okay. I get the picture.
(2 lights his Zippo and holds out a cigarette for 1.)
2: Well?
1: Well, what?
2: Go on.
1: Go on with what?
4: With the picture.
1: My picture?
3: You said you got the picture.
1: I don’t think I like where this is going.
2: We know where it’s going. Just tell us when it came about.
(1 takes the cigarette from 2 and lights it with his “now working” (2nd) Zippo. He keeps the Zippo lit. )

4

1: This is so embarrassing. (Taking a long drag.)
4: We can wait.
1: I’m really not that good in front of an audience. (Taking another drag.)
2: Relax, take a deep breathe.
(1 INHALES DEEPLY and COUGHS, blowing out his lit Zippo.)
3: Too deep.
(2, 3, and 4 INHALE SLOWLY and DEEPLY then EXHALE. 1 re-lights his Zippo illuminating his face.)
1: It used to give me a hard on.
4: A What?!
2: A hard on.
1: Wait.
3: Oh, brother.
1: I swear to God. When I was maybe eight or nine years old, I snuck one from my Moms ashtray and it did.
(2, 3, and 4 wait for an explanation. Pause)
1: It gave me an erection.
3: How juvenile!
2: How Freudian.
4: How disgusting!
1: No really, it was one of those big, brown, thick, glass, 5 lb. jobbies.
( 2, 3, and 4 GASP/inhale in astonishment)
1: I meant the ashtray.
( 2, 3 and 4 EXHALE/COUGHING in relief.)

5

3: So 1970’s
4: So “Right on, Man!”
2: So...continue.
( 2, 3 and 4 INHALE/ EXHALE)
1: She would talk for hours on this faded, death-yellow, wall-mounted telephone we had there in the kitchen.
2: With that 22 foot long, pigtail extension cord she dragged from room to room and back until it wore itself clean down to the wiring, she’d get a snap-crackle of static on that old land-line and in mid-conversation, without missing a beat, she’d quick fix any sore spots with a band-aid or strip of white masking tape.
3: Good as new.
4: When Mother is on the phone, her whole spinning world comes to a complete stop.
1: She wouldn’t pay much attention putting out her cigarettes in that big, old, glass, door-stop posing as an ashtray just as long as they came to rest somewhere among the others.
2: Sometimes it was this rapid-fire, pistons-firing, stabbing and poking kind of motion she’d use until the cigarette and ashtray became one.
1: Like watching an impressionist artist in fast motion who’s been forced to work with some absurdist, quick-dry paint.
3: Heated conversation.
4: Other times it was this fly-by, one-stab and release move she’d use where the cigarette would lay there smoldering like a dying soldier left out on the battlefield.
1: I snatched one of these fallen heroes up and off that grey, sooty battlefield and gingerly carried it down into the dark recesses of the basement. I waited for a moment.
2: Heart racing.
3: Breathe shallow and rapid.
4: A child recognizing its first real wrong-doing.
1: Reacting like an adult.

6

2: Ready for battle if need be.
3: Hunted.
1: I stood there in the darkness studying its glow, its smell, its voice if listened close enough, its shivering columns of hot silver and grey painted breath as they’d rise and dance effortlessly skyward, exploding into cooling ripples of chaos on the slightest hint of a draft...! (Pause) And then I took my first drag.
(Pause)
2: How did it feel?
(Pause)
1: Love at first light.
3: Love at firs—ft!
4: We all felt that.
2: How do you feel now?
1: Fine.
2: We all felt fine but with a hint of…
1: A hint of…what?
3: Give it time.
(2, 3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE followed by 1 but he stops himself and stares at his cigarette. He reaches out for the burning tip in a daze. IT BURNS HIM.)
(Pause)
1: I think I know what’s going on here.
2: You do?
1: Sure. I’m not an idiot. (Licking and blowing on his reddened finger tip)
3: No? (Mocking him, licking and blowing his own finger)
1: No and who said that?

7

4: Not me.
2: Alright, let’s all just calm down.
1: I am calm!
( 2, 3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE. 1 does the same without realizing it.)
1: You guys have got me all wrong. I know what you’re trying to do.
(1 tries to light his Zippo. No go.)
3: So you know, so what.
1: Could one of you pleeeease do something about the lights? (Taking a drag.)
( 3 lights up his Zippo.)
3: “ Could one of you Pleeeease do something about the lights?”
( 3 SNAPS HIS ZIPPO SHUT.)
(1 FUMES)
2: Don’t let him get to you.
1: I’m not!
4: You are.
1: He started it! (Taking a drag)
3: Someone had to.
1: You see?!
2: So end it.
1: End it.
4: End it.
1: And how do I do that?
(Pause. 1 lights up a fresh cigarette.)

8

1: Look, I don’t even know if I’m supposed to be here.
4: I like this guy.
2: He is a keeper, isn’t he?
3: Oh, yeah!
4: For sure.
1: Hey.
2: Something different about him.
1: Hey.
4: I’ll say.
1: Hey!
3: Maybe it’s the way he French inhales.
1: Why don’t you guys talk to me like I’m in the room?!
(Pause)
3: (to 4) Such a temper.
1: There, you see!?
4: (To 3) Anger issues too.
1: Again!
2: Alright you two, that’ll do.
(All INHALE/EXHALE)
1: Thank you.
2: You’re quite welcome.
4: (to 3) I do like him.
3: (to 4) You would.

9

1: I wish I had gotten up and left when I had the chance.
2: Really.
1: Broken neck or not.
4: Ouch.
3: No one’s stopping you.
1: It’s not that easy.
2: Where would you rather be?
1: Anywhere is far better than here.
4: You think so?
1: Absolutely.
(ALL INHALE/EXHALE)
2: So, you wish that you got up and walked out of here.
1: I don’t know.
3: Good answer.
1: I don’t know why I have to be here.
2: You don’t Have to be anywhere.
4: But you Do have to be somewhere.
3: So why not make it nowhere?
1: You mean here.
2: He does.
4: He’s right.
1: But why does-
(3 lights his Zippo and stands towering over 1, yelling!)

10

3: Because the seed is already sewn!
(Pause. 3 takes his seat. ALL INHALE/EXHALE)
1: Fine. If this is my fate, then fine, so be it.
(1 stands and tries to light his Zippo. No go. He starts to exit but bumps into the chairs of 2, 3, and 4. They grab for him, circling, as he heads back to his chair, 2, 3, and 4 REPEAT/OVERLAP their following dialogue until 1 sits.)
2: It’s like flipping a coin, call it in the air, heads or tails, call it, call it call it!
3: Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!
4: It’s a fifty-fifty shot, take the chance, take the chance, take the chance!
(1 finally finds his seat and sits, defeated. Pause)
1: Why? Why is it so hard to leave?
2: Why do You think that is?
1: Why do I…Oh, I don’t know. Let me see… Poor lighting?!
(3 stands and approaches 1. He lights his Zippo and gets right in 1’s face)
3: Here’s a hint. This? All of this? It’s got nothing to do…with lighting.
(3 blows out his Zippo and returns to his seat.)
1: Fine. Great, good. Forget the lights. But if we could somehow remain “civil” toward one another then-
3: -Sheesh, what a loser.
1: Strike one for civility!
2: It’s not his fault.
1: On, no?!
2: He’s only here out of denial.
4: And what about me?
3: Stupidity.
1: I know why he’s so hostile toward me.

11

3: This ought to be good.
4: Stupid?
1: He’s angry.
3: Ang-You haven’t seen nothing yet!
4: I’m not stupid.
2: Continue.
(1 INHALES/EXHALES then drops his cigarette and stomps it out.)
4: Now that was stupid.
2: Interesting.
4: Did you see that?!
3: Big deal.
2: It’s interesting, what you just did.
4: Incredible!
1: You think so?
3: Oh yeah, a real “Thriller”.
1: I feel much better.
( 2, 3, and 4 INHALE/EXHALE, COUGHING, WHEEZING)
2: Wish I could say the same.
4: Me too.
3: “Oh, and me too, I want to feel so much better, for sure”... Quitter.
1: Sticks and Stones.
2: Don’t let him get to you.
1: I don’t.

12

3: You do.
4: You don’t?
3: He does.
1: Not at all
4: Really?
1: Not a bit.
3: Not a b-he does.
4: Wow.
2: You don’t do you?
1: Why should I?
2: Good point.
4: Very.
3: He does.
2: A very good point.
1: Thank you.
4: Very good.
3: ( to 4) Traitor.
2: Let him finish.
1: I don’t because I don’t have too. I choose No over a sometimes maybe and a definite, always Yes. I made my choice. And all along, that was my problem. I wasn’t making a choice.
(Pause)
4: Oh, I like him.
2: I always have.

13

3: “I always have.”
4: Very much so.
2: Very much.
3: “Very, very, very, very.”
1: Thank you.
3: Hey.
2: You’re welcome.
3: Hey!
4: Quite welcome.
1: Thank you.
3: Hey!!!
2/4: What?!
3: He’s nothing! Why bother! Nothing but a hack! He invented that walk! A hack, too deep, how juvenile, oh brother, give it time, someone had too, such a temper, because the seed is already sewn, do it, do it, do it and, and, and, an, an, an, a, a, a, a...
(3 begins COUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY and eventually stops.)
3: (Exhausted) He’s nothing...He’s nothing but a hack...a hack…and a quitter.
2: What’s your point?
4: Yeah, what is your point?
3: (Still exhausted) ...no one…no one…no one likes a quitter.
( 3 FALLS out of his chair, FLAT-LINED and dead on the floor.)
LIGHTS UP.
(1 squints his eyes to the new found light. He is dressed in WHITE. 2 is dressed in YELLOW, 3 in BLACK and 4 in RED. 1 observes his surroundings for a beat, rises and acknowledges 2 and 4 as he exits. He stops and turns.

14

1: Hey.
(4 looks up. 1 takes out his Zippo and tries to light it. No go.)
1: Call it.
(1 tosses his Zippo to 4. 4 catches it.)
1: Good luck.
( 1 smiles and exits offstage. 4 looks at 2. 2 nods. 4 kneels down and takes 3’s Zippo and hands all three Zippos to 2. 2 nods and 4 exits offstage. 2 proceeds to light each Zippo and places them on the four empty chairs, 1, 4, 3 and his before exiting.)
LIGHTS OUT.

DARKNESS.

ZIPPOS GLARE.

THE END.

2010-05-14T06:55:00.000-07:00

A Fondness for Aqua Net

A play in one act

By

Michael Weems

© 2008 by Michael Weems
Michaeltw721@gmail.com

Kevin Dorky. Insecure. Ugly duckling. Wears glasses and dull clothes at beginning.
Lina Kevin’s best friend. Secretly crushing on him. Kind of a mirror image of Kevin at the beginning.
Rachel The pretty one. Sweet and unknowing of her popularity.
Sally Kevin’s older sister. Bitchy, but somewhat caring to her brother and others. Insecure underneath it all.

Properties: Hairspray, Chewing Gum, Brush, 2 sets of eye glasses, text books.

Setting: 1980’s high school hallway.

A Fondness for Aqua Net was produced by Phare Play Productions at Roy Arias Studios, New York, NY on November 8th, 2008. Directed by Ramona Pula. Stage Managed by Christine Vinh.

Cast:

Kevin: Christopher James Cramer
Lina: Siobhan Marie Doherty
Rachel: Erin Fehr
Sally: Toni Mayo

A Fondness for Aqua Net was produced by Brief Acts at The Producers Club, New York, NY on September 24-26th, 2009. Directed by Michael Weems.

Cast:

Kevin: Christopher Boerger
Lina: Jennifer Gartner
Rachel: Julia Bernal
Sally: Elizabeth Harvey

(A high school hallway. Kevin waits outside a classroom. Lina emerges carrying books. She is nerdy too, sweet, and crushing hard on him)

Lina:

Hi Kevin! (Touched) Oh my god – are you waiting for me?

Kevin:

Sssh!

Lina:

What’s wrong?

(Rachel walks by. He tries for a studly pose, but she doesn’t notice. He tries another pose and falls, his books crashing around him. Lina helps him up. Rachel crosses and stands by Sally who has just entered. They silently gossip)

Give it up Kevin! As your best friend, I can tell you it’s not going to happen.

Kevin:

I bet you anything that she’ll be my date to the dance.

Lina:

I bet she’s got a date already. Just look at her.

Kevin:

I guess you’re right.

Lina:

You can take me to the dance!

Kevin:

Like a date?

Lina:

(Sheepish) Yeah.
Kevin:
But you’re Lina – my slightly feminine best friend who I see in an entirely platonic way. I mean, maybe if you got a makeover, lost the glasses, put your hair down like this, and dressed to show off your body you’d be really hot (long dramatic pause – the end face to face) …but that’s just crazy.
Lina:
(Hopeful) So, is it a date?
Kevin:
Quiet! She’s coming!
(Kevin conceals Lina in a way that entirely belittles her. Rachel passes by with Sally)
Rachel:
(Flirty) Hi Kevin.
Sally:
(Mocking tone) Hi Kevin.
Kevin:
(Squeaky voiced) Hi girls.
Sally:
Got a date for the dance yet, loser?
Kevin:
I’m…umm….weighing my options.
Sally:
Please! Tell me one girl who’d subject themselves to such a lame date.
(Lina raises her hand meekly and avoids eye contact with the other girls)
Okay, someone who isn’t a total dork-bag.
(Lina looks around and puts her hand down)

Rachel:
Sally, be nice. I know he’s your little brother, but as socially adjusted, pretty cheerleaders, we have a responsibility to look after the less fortunate. I’m sure you’ll make some lucky girl happy.
Kevin:
Do you have a…
Sally:
A what?
Kevin:
A….a…umm…. oh my god.
(He nervously covers his mouth and stomach and runs off stage)
Lina:
He’s got a weak stomach. Gets nervous really easily.
(Audible offstage noise of Kevin getting sick)
Rachel:
I should go make sure he’s okay.
(Rachel exits quickly – stacking her books onto Lina)
Sally:
What a dork.
Lina:
He is not!
Sally:
Lina loves Kevin!
Lina:
No I don’t!

Sally:
Yes you do. Everyone in school knows it.
Lina:
Am I that obvious?
Sally:
You’re the pathetically devoted best friend who doesn’t stand a chance to the prettiest girl in school. Kevin will string you along to the end, tragically get turned down, and at the last minute leave you for her. You’ll sit alone in the background crying as they dance, kiss, and fall in love.
Lina:
What does he see in her anyways?
Sally:
Outside of her perfect smile, nice hair, dancer’s legs, tight ass, amazing rack, and that she still remains accessible to the biggest losers in school…. I have no idea.
Lina:
She can’t have Kevin anyways. She’s going to the dance with Ben Ogilvy.
Sally:
(Deadpan) What?
Lina:
That’s funny. As her best friend, I figure she would’ve told you she was taking your ex.
Sally:
That bitch!
(Rachel enters)
Rachel:
(Brightly) Did I hear someone talking about me? (Beat) I must hear that a dozen times a day.
Lina:
Is Kevin okay?
Sally:
(Awkward pause) You know. About this tall. Brown hair. Ran off to puke when he was about to ask you to the dance.
Rachel:
Oh! Kevin! He was going to ask me out? That is so sweet.
Sally:
(Pointedly) Too bad you’re taking Ben.
Rachel:
Did I forget to tell you about that? I’m sorry. He told me how his girlfriend broke up with him because he wouldn’t sleep with her. I had to take him.
Sally:
That was me! And he broke up with me when I wouldn’t give him road head in his parent’s station wagon!
Rachel:
(Half assedly consoling Sally) That’s a sad story too. Oops! Time for class. Call me later?
(She air kisses Sally. Rachel skips off mindlessly. Kevin re-enters)
Kevin:
I think I broke my glasses. Do you have any duct tape?
Sally:
Such a loser!
Lina:
I’ve got some.
Kevin:
I don’t know what I’d do without you.
(She kneels by him and starts to fix his glasses. She leans in closely. He puts the glasses back on and smacks her arm in a friendly gesture)
Thanks buddy!
Sally:
Wait a minute. Take your glasses off again.
Kevin:
I can’t see without my glasses, Sally. You know that.
Sally:
Shut up nerd-bag.
(She steals his glasses and holds him at arm’s length)
I think we’ve got a winner.
Lina:
What are you talking about?
Sally:
Moron! Think about it. We can make over Kevin so that she’ll forget all about what’s his name.
(Kevin stumbles around the stage – blind without glasses)
Kevin:
Little help?
Lina:
You mean Ben?
Sally:
Shut up! Think about it – I’ll get Ben back. Rachel won’t want him since she seems bizarrely attracted to the geeky ones. Kevin will come crawling back to you and better looking I might add.
(Kevin crashes into a wall and stumbles backwards)
Kevin:
I really can’t see anything at all.
Lina:
This happens all the time. Okay, so where do we need to start with Kevin?
Sally:
What else do you have in that bag?
Lina:
Let’s see – hairspray, chewing gum, brush, lipstick, eye liner…
(Kevin wanders off stage and falls to the ground)
Kevin:
Ow.
(Sally grabs a few items)
Sally:
Ugh. I’m going to make sure he didn’t break anything.
(Sally exits. Rachel re-enters)
Rachel:
Hey there! Have you seen Sally?
Lina:
She’ll be right back.
Kevin: (O.S)
Is that Rachel? Hi Rachel!
Sally: (O.S)
Shut up!
Rachel:
Isn’t that sweet? Anyways, I just came back to let her know I found a date for her.
Lina:
Who?
Rachel:
Steve Lewis.
Lina:
(Realizing their plan is foiled) He’s hot. Oh.
Rachel:
What’s the matter? Do you need me to find you a date too?
Lina:
Nah. I’ll be fine thanks. I’ll probably just stick to my usual dance night routine – make brownies with my mom, and spend the rest of the night sitting alone at home listening to The Cure through my big Koss headphones. A framed photograph of Kevin looking over me as if he’s saying “I know the pain right now will bring us together.”
Rachel:
(Upbeat) Well that’s kind of creepy! I think we can make a better date night for you. Trust me?
Lina:
Why not? What good are pretty, popular girls, if not to help others as a temporary fix on their own sense of esteem.
Rachel:
Especially in knowing that without good genes or surgery you’ll never come close to their physical perfection. (Mindlessly) Let’s start with some blush!
(They exit. Kevin & Sally re-enter. He is holding his eyes in pain)
Kevin:
The contacts! They burn!
Sally:
Suck it up, wuss-bag. We’re making you a man.
(During following – she does the actions as they’re spoken).
Fix the hair. (She sprays his hair with Aqua Net) Stand up straight. Roll up the sleeves. Breath check? (He breaths – she gags) Okay. Gross. Time for some gum. (She hands him gum) Let’s see you walk. (He does) Not bad. How do you feel?
Kevin:
(In non nasally regular voice) Different.
Sally:
(Shocked) You look good.
Kevin:
Why are you helping me?
Sally:
I’ve got my reasons.
Kevin:
Ben, right?
Sally:
How does everyone know my damn business?
Kevin:
He’s my chemistry lab partner. Too bad for you he’s going with Stacy Miller.
Sally:
What? No, ass-bag. He’s going with Rachel.
Kevin:
I think I’d know if he was going with her.
Sally:
Good point. You’re obsessed.
(Rachel and Lina re-enter. Lina is without glasses, she has some make up on, and is dolled up. They don’t notice Kevin and Sally)
Lina:
My boobs hurt. Are you sure this is the right size? I feel like I’m going to get a black eye.
Rachel:
Shut up!
(There is a big dramatic turn and Kevin & Lina can’t take their eyes off each other)

Kevin:
Lina?
Lina:
Kevin?
(They approach each other still transfixed)
Kevin:
You look….feminine. I mean, hot!
Lina:
And you look almost masculine!
Rachel:
Aren’t they cute! Geek love!
Sally:
No! No! It isn’t supposed to happen this way. Kevin, remember Rachel?
Kevin:
(Dismissive) Whatever. (To Lina) Without your glasses – I can see your eyes. They’re pretty.
Lina:
(Melting) Your arms. Muscles!
Sally:
(Bitchy) Kevin, remember the plan?
Kevin:
(Commanding and manly) Shut up!
Rachel:
Woah.
Lina:
(Turned on) So hot.
Kevin:
(Suave) On a day like this, I want wining, dining, and a ride home afterwards since I don’t have my license for another few months and Mom would have to drive me. (Going for the kill) A spanking would be nice too.
Lina:
Of course!
(She jumps into his arms and they exit together)
Sally:
Nice work, hoe-bag.
Rachel:
(Proudly) I know!
Sally:
No, dipshit. Kevin was supposed to go to the dance with you!
Rachel:
Oh. How about that?
Sally:
And I thought you were going with Ben?
Rachel:
Who is this now?
Sally:
My ex boyfriend.
Rachel:
Oh, no. He’s going with Stacy Miller. Everyone knows that.
Sally:
Except for me.

Rachel:
I was just teasing you before. I thought the idea of him and I together might give you some motivation to get a date and look good without having to rely on my popularity. Granted, after college I’ll probably get old, fat, pregnant seven times over, and live in a trailer park while you actually make something of your life – but isn’t right now what matters most?
Sally:
(Defeated) Right.
Rachel:
(Happy sigh) I feel like we’ve done something really good here today. Weren’t they cute?
Sally:
(Darkly) Adorable.
Rachel:
Don’t you worry. I got you a date too! Steve Lewis! Now I now he’s a little out of our league, but it’ll be fine. I mean really, what are egomaniacal supposed friends good for, if they can’t kick you while you’re down to make themselves feel better?
(Rachel pulls out a compact and starts to powder Sally)
(Happy sigh again) So little time and so much work to do!
End of Play

2010-05-14T06:48:00.000-07:00

Pizza Pie

By
Tyler Nimon

Setting - The foyer area/outside of a house.

Characters
Pizza Boy
Customer (Dave)
Dead Body
Officer 1 (Arthur)
Officer 2
Manager

Pizza boy walks to the door and knocks
The man answers the door

Pizza Boy - Hey, that’ll be $12.50.
Customer - Did I order a pizza? Well all right, how much did you say?
Pizza Boy - $12.50.
Customer - All right, let me get it. Come in.

Pizza Boy enters the customer’s house only to see a body on the floor, flailing around and moaning.
Pizza Boy panics as he sees the customer approach him from the other room, so he takes out his phone.

Pizza Boy - One minute, sir, I have to take this call. It’s an emergency!
Customer - Can’t you just?… (Mid-sentence, the Pizza Boy is already out the door and by the side of the house on the phone)

Pizza Boy - Hello, 911? Ya, I’m here delivering a pizza and I see this dying girl in the floor and I don’t know what to do. Send someone please! Oh ya, the address is 2900 Parthenon Way…Ok thanks!

Pizza Boy walks back into the house and tries to kill the time, waiting for the police to arrive.

Pizza Boy - Well sir, I really hope you enjoy your pizza tonight.
Customer - I know I will. Here’s your mone… (Cut off by Pizza boy)
Pizza Boy - You know I couldn’t help but notice all the crosses around your house.
Customer - Yes, I’m very religious.
Pizza Boy - Well…crosses everywhere and a clean house. You must be Catholic! (Begins to laugh nervously)

The customer stares at the Pizza boy as if he’s angry.
Long pause.

Customer - I’m Baptist…
Pizza Boy - Oh, I’m sorry sir. I was just trying to ma….(Cut off by customer)
Customer - So you’re saying that only Catholics have clean houses?
Pizza Boy - No, no! I’m not saying that all!
Customer - My whole family is Baptist…are you saying that Baptists can’t have clean houses? Are you calling me a pig?
Pizza Boy - No, sir, this is a big misunderstanding! I was just making a joke.

(Turns around to see the police approaching)

Customer - Oh, thank God you’re here! This is him! Arrest him!

Two police officers approach the door and see the customer.

Officer - Dave?!
Customer - Arthur?!
Officer - How the hell are ya, Dave? Long time no see.

Customer - Not bad, man. Not bad at all. What’s been going on lately?

Pizza boy watches the two men talk with a blank stare and his jaw wide open.

Officer - Oh, nothing much. How about you?
Customer - Oh, just hangin’ out, man. Why don’t you guys come in for a drink? I’ve got drinks, and I guess I’ve got a pizza so come on in!
Officer - Man, you know we’d love to but we’re on duty tonight.
Customer - Come on! Who stops by without having a drink?
Officer - Well…you know, we actually stopped by because we got a call.
Customer - A call?
Officer - Ya, this kid, here called 911 and said there was a dead body at your house.
Customer - A dead body?! Why would there be a dead body here?
Officer - I figured it was some kind of prank. What surprised me is the kid’s still here.
Customer - Well this pizza boy looks like trouble. As a matter of fact, he just insulted Baptists to my face.
Officer - What?! What’d he say?
Customer - He called Baptists…pigs.
Officer turns to the boy.

Officer - Boy, what are you doing here? You called in saying there was a dying woman on the floor, then you call Baptists pigs?! What’s the matter with you?!
Pizza Boy - Officer, I swear to God, there’s a dying woman on the floor right in there!
Officer - Well where is he?
Pizza Boy - Right there! He was right there!

Officer looks at the customer.

Officer - Dave, I’m really sorry about this. This kid’s messed up in the head. I’m gonna have a talk with his manager.
Customer - All right, just get him out of here.

Officer grabs the Pizza boy’s arm and they both walk away.

Officer - Well I’ll see you later, man. Goodnight.
Customer - Goodnight.
Officer - See you at bowling!
Customer - Still at 6:30, right?
Officer - Yep!

Curtains close.

Curtains open to see the Pizza boy talking to his manager in his office.

Manager - What the hell do you think you’re doing, Jeremy?! You embarrassed all of us!

Pizza Boy - I swear, there was a dead lady on the floor!
Manager - Jeremy, you’re crazy. First of all, you go to the wrong damn house! Then, you insult the man’s religion! And to top that all off, you called the police for something that wasn’t even true! It even cost us a $100 fine! I think you’re done here.

Pizza Boy - What do you mean?
Manager - Jeremy…YOU’RE FIRED!!!

Curtains close.
Curtains open to see Jeremy laying on a couch in his house, looking through a newspaper.

Pizza Boy - Newspaper’s a bunch of crap. Wait, what’s this…middle aged woman found dead in Parthenon Park. There was a dead body!

Curtains close.

The End

2010-05-12T12:07:00.000-07:00

Hi,

My name is Darren Jaye and I am a copywriter/creative writer from Sydney, Australia.

I wrote this play/script in response to the people who 'speak to the dead' such as John Edwards.

I hope you enjoy my submission.

Regards,
Darren Jaye

Harold Oaks---------------------------------
Setting: Channel 12 Television Studios. Harold Oaks is a psychic medium. He is in front of a studio-audience, filming his weekly show.-----------------------------------

Harold Oaks:
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
I am here with you all this evening, to communicate with those who you knew, those that have passed forward, and to provide you with a connection, a pathway, a bridge, so that you can make contact and be with them again. I can almost always feel an all-encompassing presence. Even right now I can feel the spirits of many. It’s more a matter of honing in and focusing on just one of the voices.
..look around. these people are all wanting to speak to their dead relatives. why else would they be here? i’ll go, over… there

I’m picking up something in this area of the room.
..there’s always some J and P names in the crowd, here we go…

Is there a John or a Jim? Something with a J?
..hmm

Or a Paul, or a Pete, something with a P?
..nobody? that’s 4 names and 2 starting letters. about 1 in 12 names should have hit by now and there are more than 12 of you here. do the maths. are you all shy or something?

I’m getting a short name
..there’s only so much editing the station can do. anyone?

and a young man…
..look around, find the emotional one. could be one here

You! Did you lose a son?

Audience member:
Yes.

Oaks:
..phew

What was his name?

A.M:
Saul.

Oaks:
Oh, I got Paul, close, and I could feel a youthful male presence. And a short name. It’s probably him.
..ok, let’s get this one rolling

Saul was young when he passed?
..ok i said his name, that always strikes a chord. i asked for someone young anyway, she wants to believe, her eyes are twinkling

A.M:
Yes.

Oaks:
..she looks like a shy, quiet lady, i’m sure she would like to believe he had a sense of humour, whether he did or didn’t, and i’m sure she thought he was either intelligent or street- smart? handsome or cute?

I’m seeing him smiling, nice-looking boy. I think he had a sense of humour and didn’t mind a bit of a joke.
..she’s nodding and laughing but looks a little concerned and almost a touch ashamed. not the typical good-boy

A.M:
Yes.

Oaks:
And he liked to get up to a little mischief?
..ooh, raw-nerve, she looks horrified! must have been a bad-boy

A.M:
Yes.

Oaks:
It’s like he’s running away from me, but he’s laughing, like he’s playing a game with us, still, even here today.
..give me something

A.M:
Yeah, Saul always had a good heart and he was mostly a good kid but he did get up to quite a bit of mischief.

Oaks:
..okay, it seems this one’s all up to me, we’ve got a bad-boy who died fairly young. here goes…

Was he twelve when he passed?

A.M:
Eight.

Oaks:
..damn! i was gonna say 8

Because I’m seeing a young boy, definitely full of youth, but he seems quite… I can’t quite work out whether it’s his physical height or his big presence, or his maturity for his age. Maybe that’s why I was getting someone older, or the impression of someone older?
..there’s gotta be something there, height, maturity, personality, or i’m wrapping this one up. maybe my connection will just happen to ‘weaken’. hopefully someone else here lost a 12 year old, so I can ‘help’ them of course

A.M:
He certainly did have a big personality and he was quite intelligent for his age. When he came into the room, you, and everyone else in the room, would know that he was there. He liked to be the centre of attention.

Oaks:
..finally! ok we got an 8 year old named Saul who was naughty but social

I’m seeing him and he’s stopped running now. He’s stopping to talk to us and I can see lots of other people around him. I think he’s trying to tell me, and you, that he’s okay and that he is surrounded by his ‘new’ friends now.
..she has to be upset that he only lived 8 years

It’s like he wants me to tell you that he is okay and that you shouldn’t be worried that he lived for such a brief period in this lifetime, but it’s as if he’s making up for it now and that’s why he is running around, and full of energy and, living it up almost!
..bulls-eye, that made her happy, I can see the relief, maybe while everyone is feeling good I’ll give myself a bit of cred.

Often, due to the nature of death, I see people with older souls or spirits and they come to me more slowly and gently but this kid is still… he’s bouncing around! He’s here, he’s there. There’s a tremendous amount of energy.

A.M:
He sure had lots of energy. He played soccer, did athletics. He loved going to the beach and he had just started learning the saxophone. He was such a good kid, I miss him so much.

Oaks:
..ok. gotta pick this lady up and move on, this isn’t a ratings winner, maybe it won’t even make it onto the show. ok, cause of death, validation and onto the next one. it was a young death, could be illness or accident, 50/50

I feel like his passing was quite sudden and almost unexpected at the time it happened.
..such a cop-out. she’s nodding. ok, sad, very sad. it was sudden, an accident, a fall or collision

A.M.
Yes.

Oaks:
I’m getting a thud, like a hit or a fall?
..still nodding sadly, give me something. do I have to ask how it happened?

How did he pass?

A.M:
He was struck by lightning.

Oaks:
..holy sh-t! what are the chances?

Struck by lightning?
..still nodding

A.M:
Yes.

Oaks:
I felt that it was sudden and, I guess, well, it doesn’t come more sudden than that.
..did i just say that?

A.M:
Yeah, he was climbing a tree during a storm. At the time, my husband was at home with the kids and he thought they were all inside. They weren’t and Saul thought it would be, a fun idea, to climb a tree with all the swirling wind and rain. My husband heard the bang outside and went out to find our son just lying there. I got a call and it was the worst phone call I have ever had in my entire life. I’ll never forget that day.

Oaks:
..whoah, this one’s making the show for sure! better pick it up a little

Wow. That really is tragic. I think that’s what I felt, the thud when he fell and I guess it may have been the lightning, or the fall itself, which caused him to pass.
..she doesn’t know either, pretty hard to tell really, shouldn’t make her dwell on it

Whatever it was I feel like he felt no pain when it happened, like he just slipped across into the next world.
..she mentioned athletics before, she smiled when she said it. let’s bring him to life again

He’s taking me to the track now, not the horse races, the athletics track. I can see a stadium and the whole family is there; like you all had a bit of family-time there, together at the meet.

A.M:
Yes! Either my husband or I would take the kids on Saturday mornings to little athletics and sometimes the grandparents or the aunts and uncles would come along to watch, and it was a real family atmosphere. We all had a lot of fun. They were good times.

Oaks:
..ok got a bit of info now, she’s lapping it up, at 8 he would have done a bit of everything, no specialising yet, what could it be? we got running, what else, jumping? throwing?

He really is happy there and it’s like, again, he’s here, he’s there. He’s jumping, he’s throwing. He’s doing everything!
..nodding, proud, sad about what might have been

He’s a real all-rounder and would have been a great athlete through school ‘cause I can feel this, athletic prowess, i see him up on a kind of podium, like he’s being presented with a medal or a ribbon.

A.M:
He used to do very well, always in the top few, and his bedroom is covered with medals and ribbons, and trophies.

Oaks:
..did she say ‘is’ covered? okay, sporty, naughty but good, 8 year old. what about this lady? her left arm hasn’t moved the whole time. if she has an issue with her arm, then her son probably helped her a lot, even if he didn’t really want too. losing a helper would have made his death even harder to deal with.

I am seeing him carrying things and helping around the house, doing lots of things, like he was another set of hands, so to speak.
..nodding, whimpering, is that a tear?

Could we have a tissue for this lady please. Thank you.
..okay… she took it with her right hand

I must say, I know we have been speaking this evening with your son, but the whole time we have been talking, I have had a tingling sensation in my left arm, like it is heavy and stiff, almost wanting to go limp.
..take another tissue… right hand again

Is there some sort of concern regarding your left arm? That Saul has been referring to?

A.M:
After Saul passed I, I just lost it, I, I went through quite a few really tough months, and, the doctors aren’t too sure, I’ve had a few opinions, but something happened to me. They say it could be emotional, like a physical breakdown, and I get shooting pains down my left arm and it hurts when I try to use it. He did used to help out quite a bit though, before, and I had a shoulder injury for a while too and he was a great help then as well.

Oaks:
I think that clarifies the image that I was seeing. I think Saul is showing you the path, what he wants you to do and, in a way, he is willing you to help yourself. He thinks you’re going to get better, in fact, he knows it, and he says that he will be with you all the way and get you back to how you used to be. You should start to feel a kind of warm glow in your arm now, from your shoulder all the way down to the tips of your fingers, like a light is being turned on and warming all the muscles, the joints, the ligaments. Your whole arm is softening, loosening and regaining strength. Saul wants this. How does it feel now?

A.M:
Good! It feels better.

Oaks:
It's like Saul is guiding me. Go on, move that hand. Make a fist for me, for Saul! I don’t know if you can see ladies and gentlemen but those fingers are definitely moving. That fist is good enough for me. Well done. Keep at it.
..hopefully she will be able to make a fist one day. gotta be quick, gotta move forward maybe the dog thing? she has the warmth of an animal-lover. It would have to be a large dog, she doesn’t seem like the ‘cutsie-little-yapper’ type. a german shepherd, a rottweiler?

He’s showing me a dog now, a big dog, darkish in colour.

A.M:
This is so amazing! I’m really, just, overwhelmed! The neighbours had a black labrador-retriever, Petie, and Saul used to play with him all the time. He always wanted a dog and I wouldn’t have minded so much but my husband hates dogs. So Petie was it!

Oaks:
..Petie! i said Pete before, gotta bring that in

I think that could have been the ‘Pete’ coming through before? I said, earlier, how Saul was, or is, here, and there, and maybe Petie, this big, black dog, is there with Saul, and they are running around and going exploring together.
..man, I hope this dog is dead! she did say the neighbours ‘had’ a dog

And Petie has passed?

A.M:
Yes, he passed away last year.

Oaks:
..phew!

‘Cause I can see them there, playing together, and they are having a good time together. It’s as if Saul’s trying to say, “Mum, I know you are worried but it’s okay, I’m in a better place”, and he wants you to remember him and all the good things. He also wants you to remember all those long chats you had.
..what the hell does that mean? though you’re looking a bit embarrassed there mum

‘All’ of them, and he says you’ll understand why he wants me to emphasise the ‘all’. He’s telling me to tell you that it’s okay to move forward with your life, and your ‘lives’, I’m seeing your whole family, and it’s like he’s waving away his hands at you all, saying you can, somewhat, leave him to be, but he’s still smiling and he’s happy. See Mum, he’s still looking out for you!
..okay happy ending, young, social kid, vibrant, she said he had lots of medals and ribbons in his room, sporty, gotta have posters on the walls

I’m seeing a picture or a poster up on, maybe it was his bedroom wall? A famous person? Like a sports-star perhaps?

A.M:
Yes! His David Beckham poster! Beckham was his idol!

Oaks:
..sentimental lady, very surprised, spoke earlier about his bedroom being covered with medals and trophies. should work…

Oh yes, that’s him, I think the haircut threw me. And you still have that poster?

A.M:
Yes! I haven’t been able to move a thing in his bedroom since that day.

Oaks:
..we have one! what else can I say?

He wants you to keep that poster. He likes how you go into the room sometimes and look around, and look at the poster, and think of him.

A.M:
I do and my husband does too. They used to love watching soccer together.

Oaks:
I think he is trying to acknowledge his father here too and he wants to say, or, he wants me to say ‘on his behalf’, ‘hello’, he’s passing through his greetings, to his father and to all of your family. And he’s saying it’s okay to change his old bedroom around if you want, maybe you guys have been thinking about it? Wondering how long you should keep it like that? But keep the poster. He likes the poster.

A.M:
Okay. It’s amazing how he showed you his old bedroom. That poster’s going nowhere. Anything for my boy!

Oaks:
..ok, enough of this lady. love ‘em and leave ‘em. i wish they all would. not really though

Once a mother, always a mother. And he wants to wish an older female figure a happy birthday, one that’s just been or is about to be?
..how good will this be if it’s yours? please be yours, even if it was 2 months ago, I’ll make it work. drum roll…

A.M:
It’s his sister’s birthday tomorrow!

Oaks:
An older sister?

A.M:
Yes!

Oaks:
..bingo! finish on a high harold, you psychic you, this one’s a wrap!

I thought so. Well Saul wants me to wish his big sister a happy birthday for tomorrow and he wants you all to know that he will be there with you in spirit. Thank you for time today.

A.M:
No, thank you! That was wonderful!

Oaks:
Thanks, enjoy tomorrow.
..i hope you think it was wonderful, this isn’t easy you know! you gotta be quick, creative, sensitive, adaptable and have a mouth that melts minds. you guys love it, you want it, you need it. watch my show, buy my book.
care for an autograph? how many of you need to see the old ‘H. Oaks’ before you realise? who’s next? maybe over… there?

I’m getting something from this side of the room now, an older male figure?

2010-05-08T15:13:00.000-07:00

My name is Kay and I'd like to submit my play "Encore" as consideration for the Featured Playwright in the future. "Encore" is ten pages long.

I'm a playwright and screenwriter. My plays have been produced around the country and in London, England. I've also had two short films produced "Suburban Psycho" and "Holiday Plans"- both in Los Angeles. Earlier this month, I optioned my full length screenplay.

My inspiration for the play was the recent death of my favorite singer. I wrote the play to give him an ending- even if on paper- that I thought he deserved.

Thank you for considering my work and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Kay Poiro

Encore

Dark stage. JAMES, late 40s/ early 50s, lawyer, 21st century Judas, and dermatologist to the stars DR. BENNIE enter with flashlights. Behind them are KIKI, 30s, ditzy nurse and JO, tall, white woman. All but Jo carry cardboard boxes.

JAMES
(sings)
“It’s close to midnight, something evil’s lurking in the dark...”

KIKI
That’s not funny. Do you know what my horoscope said this morning? “Tragic events”. I’m a Cancer. Cancers can’t handle tragedy.

JO
Anyway, James, this anonymous caller calls and says what, exactly?

JAMES
He said there’s another will.

DR. BENNIE
There’s always another will. Another will, another lawsuit, another lost record...

JAMES
Damn the records. This is about the cash.

Dr. Bennie and Kiki look around, nervous

JAMES
Tell me you guys don’t buy that “haunted house” shit.

DR. BENNIE
(quickly)
I just came ‘cuz I want to look around one last time. And maybe ride the Ferris wheel. Seventeen years and I never got to ride it.

JAMES
Whatever. You play Peter Pan, I’ll find the will, get rid of it and get the hell out of here.

DR. BENNIE
You’re going to get rid of it?

JAMES
Unless it’s in our favor, of course. Don’t worry, man. Don’t you always get your cut?

James leaves

KIKI
(from behind the boxes)
Where can I put these?

JO
Hmm? Wonder what your cut’ll be this time?

DR. BENNIE
You’re still here?

JO
Well, when James said the usual suspects were going back to the ranch, I thought, what a story! “Lawyer James and Dr. Feelgood- Dead Wrong”. Ever heard of someone literally being scared to death?

KIKI
This stuff is really heavy. I think I’ll just set it over here...

She stumbles around the room

DR. BENNIE
(to Jo)
You’re full of it.

KIKI
Guys? I don’t think I can hold these much longer!

JO
Say what you want, but ten grand says he shows up tonight.

James returns with more boxes

JAMES
Even if he did, how would you know? He went from a black man to a white woman in the span of twenty years. Nice work, by the way.

He claps the uncomfortable Dr. Bennie on the back

DR. BENNIE
(to Jo)
First of all, there isn’t going to be a headline because this place isn’t-

KiKi drops the boxes with a thud. Dr. Bennie jumps.

JAMES
(to Jo)
Did I mention how gorgeous you look tonight?

He tries to touch her, she smacks his hand away

JAMES
Anybody know why there’s KFC in the kitchen?

They all search through the boxes

KIKI
That used to be his favorite food. What if he’s...?

DR. BENNIE
He’s dead, Kiki.

JO
And you know this because...

DR. BENNIE
Because me and a bazillion other people watched the memorial on T.V.

JO
You mean that circus with the fake tears and the big, gold, empty casket?

JAMES
Please.

DR. BENNIE
That casket wasn’t empty.

KIKI
I heard it was empty, too. I heard he was still alive.

Everyone groans

KIKI
I’m serious! You didn’t see the video of him in the helicopter? Or his ghost on CNN?

JAMES
Sure, I saw it. Trust me, the man’s as cold as his singing career.

KIKI
James! How could you? Weren’t you his lawyer?

JAMES
Yep, and that’s how I can say we’re better off. That freak did a lot toward healing the world when he left it.

JO
You might want to keep the harsh words to a minimum, James. Especially in his living room.

KIKI
Jo’s right. The walls might have ears.

DR. BENNIE
Boy, if these walls could talk...

JO
And what would they say, doctor? Would they tell on you?

JAMES
Here we go again...

After a long pause, Kiki starts talking, almost to herself

KIKI
I was at a stoplight on La Brea. Tasha texted me. He was dead. Heart attack. I thought it was a joke. Then, I got a text from Dr. Bennie. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I only met him a couple of times at the end of my shift, but I sensed a connection...I just loved him so much!

She breaks down. Jo comforts her.

KIKI
(hysterical)
Ever since I was a little girl, I used to talk to my poster, the one where he’s wearing the yellow sweater? I didn’t see why everybody said he was a-

DR. BENNIE
Nutcase?

JO-Eccentric. If I were you, I’d stay right here in this room, wait until daylight and then leave. Peacefully. With your sanity.

DR. BENNIE
What about the Ferris Wheel?

KIKI
Guys, I never told you this but I’m a little bit psychic.

She closes her eyes, concentrating. James pulls a jacket and hat out of a box, slips them on

KIKI
He’s here.

DR. BENNIE
Don’t get yourself worked up again.

KIKI
And he wants us out of his house.

DR. BENNIE
It’s not his house. The bank owns it. He abandoned the house and he abandoned us.

KIKI/ JO/ JAMES
“Us”?

Dr. Bennie continues talking and searching through the boxes, talks as if nobody is there.

DR. BENNIE
After the second trial, I told him “fire everybody”. The handlers, the advisors- everybody. I told him he needs to go on T.V. and just blast those lying sons-of-bitches. I wanted him to get pissed! Stand up, look us in the eye and say he didn’t do it.
(pause)
He was a patient, but goddamn if he wasn’t a friend. None of us got to say goodbye. Not even his kids. What kind of man does that to his kids...?

JO
Let he who is without sin, Dr. Feelgood...

DR. BENNIE
(angry)
Stop calling me that! I’m not saying I didn’t do my part, all right? I knew I was wrong, I’m not saying that it wasn’t. But he was a fifty year old man. He knew what he was doing.

James doubles over, groaning. He wears a fedora and a high school letterman’s jacket.

KIKI
Are you all right?

DR. BENNIE
What happened?

James looks up, mimicking a werewolf.

JAMES
Go away!

KiKi screams as James falls over, laughing.

JAMES
I can’t believe you idiots! Where’s your sense of humor?

JO
“Thriller”. Clever.

JAMES
See? At least documentary filmmaker lady gets it. How do you like the outfit? There’s all kind of crap in these boxes.

KIKI
I don’t like it. I don’t like any of this. (she gets into her coat) I need some air.

She leaves, upset

DR. BENNIE
Wait. I’ll go with you.

Kiki and Dr. Bennie leave

JAMES
Well, that’s it. No will and another waste of time. Let’s get this mess back down to the basement.

He starts packing up boxes; Jo calmly locks the door

JO
You sure talk a lot of noise about him, you know that?

JAMES
So what? His own brothers talk about him.

JO
You talk noise, and then have the nerve to break into his house and rifle through his past-

JAMES
Whoa! Legally, it’s my house. Legally, I own everything from the train station to the monkey cages.

JO
Oh, please. You’re trespassing and you know it. I’ve seen you on T.V. You don’t think that hurts?

From outside, KiKi screams

JAMES
What the hell was that?

Jo ignores him

JAMES
Look, we can get them in the morning. Let’s get out of here.

Jo tenderly runs her fingers over the windowsills and walls.

JO
This place was so magical. Would you believe, that after all this, the only thing I wanted was someone to talk to? It’s true. Someone to talk to and a real friend.

James looks confused.

JO
Sh’mon, James. You didn’t think you’d get away with this, did you?

JAMES
(laughs nervously)
You’re fucking with me.

JO
(mimicking James)
“He’s had so much surgery, he went from a black man to a white woman.”

James realizes what’s happening and bolts for the door, it’s locked. Jo patiently waits for him to stop struggling

JAMES
I’m not the only one. What about Bennie?

As she talks, she advances on James, cornering him.

JO
I trusted you, James. You were my lawyer! I brought you around my children, my mother. Then you go on Larry King and CNN with your filthy lies...I trusted you!

She kicks over boxes, furious

JAMES
I...I didn’t mean half that stuff.

JO
Then why did you say it?

JAMES
I...I don’t know. ‘Cause I thought it was funny?

JO
It wasn’t.

JAMES
I’m sorry.

JO
Too late.

JAMES
Hey, look. Bennie’s got some stuff out in the car.

Jo scoffs

JAMES
Come on. A couple hundred cc’s of your “milk” and you’ll feel much better. Get some sleep, right? It’ll be just like old times.

JO
These are new times, James. Better times.

Pause

JAMES
Are you- are you gonna kill me?

Jo giggles; from outside, Kiki yells “Oh, my God!”

JAMES
What’s going on out there?

JO
They must have found your body. I begged you to stay with me, but you went anyway. You slipped and fell and your poor head was cracked wide open. Blood everywhere.

James sits, realizing his fate. Jo takes the fedora from him, puts it on.

JO
So, how about it, James? One last show? For old times’ sake?

James whimpers, shakes his head frantically.

JO
No? Come on. I promise it’ll be “dangerous”. Dangerous and really, really...

She snaps her fingers.

Stage Black.

JO
Bad.

END

2010-05-08T12:40:00.000-07:00

Beige Tea
By Dusty Wilson
dustywilson.playwright@gmail.com
Dusty Wilson © 2006

Produced in the 3rd Annual Undergraduate Playwrights’ Festival (Athens, OH, 2006), 13th Street Repertory Company’s Lucky 13 Short Play Festival (New York City, NY, 2006), Adena High School’s Feastival: A Smorgasbord of Theatre (Frankfort, OH, 2007), White Room Theatre’s Bite-Size Lunch Hour at the Brighton Festival Fringe (Hove, United Kingdom, 2008), Nantucket Theatrical Production’s Imaginations Run Wild (Nantucket, MA, 2008), and 0-60: Longwood University’s 2nd Annual Ten Minute Play Festival (Farmville, VA).

Characters

April Lau, 18 A young, world weary girl

Donald Lau, 53 April’s Father

Setting

The Lau family living room. A recliner, a couch, and a coffee table furnish the room.

Lights up on a girl, APRIL LAU, 18. She rests in an old, worn-out recliner. Her face, though beautiful, is haggard from time. As she sits, she pages through the leaves of Chuck Palahniuk’s Haunted.

APRIL
It’s a story that’s more common than you think. There’s a girl: young by the standards of the world. She works, barely plays. She repeats for sixteen years. A short time in the world’s eyes. Yet, people will tell you sixteen years seems far too long. This girl works every day of her life toward impossibility. At first it’s easy: almost second nature. But anything can be second nature when it’s all you know how to do. She watches others make mistakes, discover who they are; the perfect do not receive those rights. She makes her own mistakes, and she’s never allowed to forget them. She’s the reason her parents can’t retire. She’s the long-term cross to bear. She’s the reason her mom should have supported Roe v. Wade. She’s told this every day. Sixteen years can be a very long time.

The front door creaks open and Donald Lau, 53, enters. His wardrobe is as plain as possible. He carries a bag of groceries. Donald places his keys on a stand, turns, and discovers April. He drops the groceries.

APRIL
Hi, Daddy.

DONALD
…Hi.

April rises.

APRIL
Don’t be scared, Dad.

DONALD
I’m not…how’d you get in here?

APRIL
You didn’t change the locks. I had a set of keys with me.

DONALD
…I wasn’t expecting you home so early. I figured you’d be seeing your friends first.

APRIL
I tried. Most of them are at college.

DONALD
Ah.

Pause.

APRIL
Dad-

DONALD
-Do you want some tea?

Short pause.

APRIL
Sure.

Donald picks up the groceries. He ekes by his daughter, staying close to the wall. He exits.

APRIL
We all have one coping mechanism. Some people bite their nails. Some self-deprecate. My Dad makes tea. When I skinned my knee while learning to ride my bike, he made green tea with white jasmine for me. When I came home crying because a boy didn’t like me, he made Earl Grey. When my mother finished yelling at me, he’d make black tea with chamomile. My father made tea, but only when my mother wasn’t looking.

Donald returns to the room with a tray of ornate china tea cups and a tea kettle. He places the tray on the table, sits on the couch, and pours the tea. April attempts to sit next to him, but he scoops up his cup, and migrates to the chair. April lifts her cup. They sip.

DONALD
It’s white tea with peach.

APRIL
It’s good.

Pause between sips.

DONALD
Have your friends kept in touch?

APRIL
Some of them.

DONALD
I heard Anna got married.

APRIL
Yeah, so did I.

Pause.
DONALD
Your stuff is packed; it’s upstairs.

APRIL
Thanks.

DONALD
When we’re finished, I’ll carry them down for you.

APRIL
It’s not necessary. I can get them on my own.

DONALD
Some of them are heavy.

APRIL
It’s fine, Dad. I can get them myself.

Pause.

DONALD
I think I left the stove on.

Donald exits.

APRIL
The key to any dysfunctional family is juxtaposition. For every raging alcoholic there’s a quiet, beaten-down soul. Each workaholic comes home to a bed-ridden, Prozac junkie. Dictators acknowledge only submission. I tried to live, and succeed, and make my ruler proud. I never could, so I became the resistance. In my cause I was alone. I tried to recruit whenever she wasn’t home, but the propaganda was too much. He was on my side, but always physically on hers: three feet back and to her right. Silent. When she raged over school work. Silent. When she roared with dissonance as I played the Moonlight Sonata. Silent. When she “accidentally” knocked me chin first onto the blistering brick hearth of the fireplace. Silent. Even during my trial when she was nowhere to be seen, he sat behind me, silent, three feet back, and to the right. Married sixteen years. A very long time.

Donald re-enters, drying his
hands.

DONALD
Are you finished with your tea?

Silence.

APRIL
Why did you let them say I was insane?

Silence.

DONALD
To keep you from going to jail.

APRIL
You owe me an honest answer-

DONALD
I don’t owe you anything.

APRIL
Why did you say I was insane?

DONALD (QUIETLY)
…Because it’s true.

APRIL
What?

DONALD
Your lawyer said-

APRIL
I know what he said. Did you really believe him?

DONALD
…You stabbed her nine times, April. It was the only thing that made sense.

APRIL
How can it not make sense?

DONALD
Don’t act like you are the victim.

APRIL
I have always been the victim. She needed to know how that felt. Just once.

DONALD
Your mother loved you-

APRIL
She never loved me!

Pause.

DONALD
I’m going upstairs to gather your things. After you have them, I want you out of my home.

Donald exits.

APRIL
How does one convey thought to a neutral spirit? A bland soul? A man long-since hollowed by a lifetime of forced status quo?

Pause.

APRIL
I promise you, hell isn’t every color of fire ranging from red to blue. It’s beige. Beige kills slowly. Psych wards are twice as beige as any prison. I do understand why my lawyer wanted me to plead insanity, but it was the diagnosis that killed me: schizotypical personality disorder. More commonly known as mild schizophrenia. There are nine symptoms ranging from metaphorical speech to eccentric behavior or belief in the paranormal. Everyday, all that consumed me were the vague symptoms of my so-called disease. Many of the best writers, artists, and thinkers share these traits, plus everyone I’ve ever met.

Pause.

APRIL
I shouldn’t let this bother me anymore. It’s not the reason I came back here. Mostly just a catalyst, a small coincidence leading to bigger, and bigger, and bigger fate: chaos theory. Belief in which is symptom four.

Short pause.

APRIL
One Sunday in my beige hell, I was asked to search for redemption. It was recommended that I come here to find it. It makes perfect sense really. Look in the last place you left it.

Donald re-enters with a box.
He sets it on the floor.

DONALD
You can have one of your friends come and get the rest.

APRIL
Thanks.

Pause.

DONALD
Goodbye. And don’t ever come back.

April nods. Tears moisten her
face.

APRIL
Before I go, can I ask one question?

Donald nods.

APRIL (VOICE QUAKING)
Do you believe in redemption, Daddy?

Pause.

DONALD
The Bible teaches us that if you truly regret the sins you commit, no matter how heinous, and devote the rest of your life to God, then yes, you can be redeemed.

April smiles and cries. She runs to Donald and hugs him tightly. This abashes Donald, but he instinctively hugs April. She wipes her runny nose with her sleeve, then lowers her hand to her pocket. She pulls out a switchblade knife.

APRIL
Thank you. But I wasn’t talking about me, Daddy.

April flips open the knife.

APRIL
Redemption is an ideal impossible to achieve, but I’ll help as much as I can.

Lights out.

2010-05-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

ROLLING BOLDERS AT THE FLOATING BURGER
by Ralph Greco, Jr.
900 Valley Rd. D-4
Clifton, NJ 07013
ralphgjr@earthlink.net
973-964-4523

SET-An old diner. Not faux charming in that ‘build-it-today-but-make-it-look-darling’ retro style, but rather in that ‘grease-stained-tin-ceiling-ripped-red-leather-booth’ way. The place is not as dirty as just teetering, tired and used.
At stage left, running upstage to down, is a counter-top sporting 5 swivel stools. Two men sit on two of the upstage stools, hunched over their meals & coffees.
Behind the counter is our obligatory bubble hairdo-ed waitress, behind her considerable rump a set of swinging doors leading-we don’t see it, but know it is so-into the ptomaine pit that is this place’s kitchen.
Various abused and dented diner accouterments adorn the counter-top and the waitress, such as coffee cups and pot, menus, maybe an old milk-shake machine, and of course the lady’s set wan smile.
Across from this set piece, stage right, at a slight diagonal favoring upstage, are two sets of red leather booths, one behind the other. We can see well the booths and the occupants sitting within:
In the booth upstage sit an old man and lady, in the booth down-stage, sits a man and across from him two young women. None of these occupants are speaking, but the man across from the women sips his coffee while stealing glances to Frank sitting on the last stool, down stage, at the counter.
The door of the diner is downstage left, merely a screen door and its frame, facing the audience at an angle so the blackness of off-stage can be seen clearly through it.

CHARACTERS-Frank-mid-thirties, no specific ethnicity.
The Man in the booth (TMitB)-same age as
Frank, but different ethnicity if possible.
The Old Man and The Old Woman-man and woman, same ethnicity, both at least in their mid-60s.
The Men at the Counter-big burly types.
Any ethnicity.
The Waitress-mid-forties, but bored beyond her
years. Caucasian.
The Girls-To lanky ladies, preferrably of
different ethnicity to each other, mid-twenties,
dressed trashy, but not so bad anyone would ever
much notice.
(As this is a diner where all types of people
‘visit’ it would be a good thing to stress the
variety of 'types' in the physical and ethnic
variety of the cast.)
ACTION-(Frank has just ' arrived' as the play begins. The Waitress comes over as he tentatively peruses the menu…and his surroundings. The Waitress leans into him, bored out of what little mind she presently possesses.)

Frank
(referring to the menu’s front)
‘The Floating Burger’?

The Waitress
That’s our name sweetie.

Frank
I’m not sure I...

The Waitress
When you’re sure, let me know.
(begins to leave)

Frank
Hey! Can I…can I get a cup of coffee?

The Waitress
Sure…in time, in time.
(She leans on counter upstage to engage The Men at the Counter)

The Man in the Booth
Hey, hey, come ‘ere.

Frank
Oh. Hi.

The Man in the Booth
Come ‘ere, Johnny Quest.

Frank
Yeah, well...I…

The Man in the Booth
Come 'ere, sit, sit.
(addressing The Girls sitting across from him)
See yeah in a bit, okay?
(The Girls rise and leave the booth.)

Frank
They didn’t have to leave on my account.

The Man in the Booth
It’s ok.

Frank
I don’t want to interrupt if you were….

The Man in the Booth
…nothing to interrupt.
I’m lousy company.

Frank
Oh...
Hi, my name is Frank.

The Man in the Booth
Don’t bother

Frank
Rokay.

The Man in the Booth
No offense.
It’s just that I can't tell you mine, I forgot it.

Frank
Whatever.

TMitB
It’ll happen to you to, Maxwell Smart…ie Pants.

Frank
Look, if you don’t want to tell me your name...

TMitB
…just wait, just wait.
(Frank attempts to engage The Waitress)

TMitB
She’s not going to come over.

Frank
I just want a lousy cup of coffee.

TMitB
That’s exactly what’ll you’ll get if you do get her attention.
Look, just relax.
Another twenty minutes or so you won’t want it anymore.

Frank
Like forgetting my name, right?

TMitB
You learn quick, Racer X.

Frank
(standing)
Well, it was nice talking to yo...

TMitB
Where ya going?

Frank
You are lousy company.

TMitB
What kind of car do you drive?

Frank
Huh?
Look I’m gonna go...

TMitB
Humor me, Sherlock.
What kind of a car do you drive?

Frank
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I have a ...
a...

TMitB
Maybe you should sit down.

Frank
I...I...

TMitB
Sit. Sit.

Frank
That’s so crazy!
I can’t remember my car!
I mean, I see it; it’s blue and...

TMitB
…you’ll get used to it.
Frank
I don't know what to say.

TMitB
Wacky, ain’t it?

Frank
Look, I...I.
I just want some coffee and...

TMitB
Yes?

Frank
What?

TMitB
And?
What else do you want?

Frank
What’d ya mean?

TMitB
Well, if you haven’t noticed, you have just popped in here Karnac.
Nobody just walks through the door to order a burger...which taste like doody-flavored cardboard by the way…if I remember correctly.
You must have come here for a reason. You must want something.

Frank
What?
(screams to waitress)
Can I please get a cup of coffee?!

TMitB
Oh yeah, that’ll endear you.
Look, I’m doing you a favor by asking you these questions.

Frank
No, you're giving me one mother of a headache.

TMitB
Frank, may I call you Frank?
Here is the skinny as far as I can tell…and I’ve been sitting in this booth for God knows how long trying to figure it out.
People come in and out here like a breeze blowing a curtain, that’s the way it looks when someone new arrives; I can't remember myself how it felt for me.
Suddenly there’s a person sitting on a stool at the counter where just seconds ago there wasn’t anybody.
Or you look down for a second, then up and across the booth from you there are two girls who weren’t there a blink-of-an-eye ago.
It is some crazy cosmic caca and it’s been driving me nearly bug-house trying to get to the bottom of it.

Frank
(looks across stage at The Girls)

TMitB
Sure as shootin’, Jesse James.)
I’ve been trying to catch new arrivals, like you, see if I can get you before you forget too much; the car thing is always my best test.
Knowing your name puts you above a lot of people Frankie, so now I’m hoping you have some extra little tidbits to feed me.

Frank
Really, what are you talkin’ about?
This is a dinner.
I have no idea why I walked in, but...

TMitB
You didn’t walk in.

Frank
Whatever.

TMitB
(turning to The Old Man and The Old Woman behind him)
Hey, Pops.
(The Old Man turns, smiles slightly)
You and grandma came in together, right?

Frank
Leave them alone, would ya?

TMitB
(turning back to Frank)
Just a sec.
(back to The Old Man)
Together right?

The Old Man
Maybe, not really sure to tell you the truth, but she’s very nice.

TMitB
Drive-up in the old Cutlass, take the train, what?

The Old Man
Couldn’t tell ya, but...

TMitB
(turns back to Frank)
…Thanks.

Frank
What does that prove?

TMitB
Just like you and me, Kazoo. They ‘popped in’.
To tell you the truth, I’m really surprised they came together.
I had the chance to get away from ‘the ol’ ball and chain’ I would’ve’ grabbed it.
Though I can’t tell you if I had a wife or not.

Frank
Uh huh.

TMitB
Stellar comeback, really
Still don’t believe me?

Frank
‘Still’, don’t care.

TMitB
Look out the door, Ponce. Go ahead.
Nothin’ right?

Frank
I can’t see anything, but...

TMitB
No buts D.B. Cooper, it’s ‘voidsville’!
Nothing, nadda, dick-all.
No earth, sky, planets, little fuzzy kitty cats.
There is no there, there.

Frank
Can’t be.

TMitB
Why not?

Frank
Everywhere is someplace.

TMitB
(singing)
“Lateral thinking.”

Frank
Lateral thinking?

TMiTB
A little theory I developed since I've been here.
I mean, what else have I got to do but sit here and ponder the big picture?
It's obvious that here nothing seems to obey straight-ahead logic.
I just figure it’s best to consider everything in this diner from as many different angles as possible.

Frank
Lateral, literal, physical; whatever you want to call it.
Looks like you’re the only one concerned about any of it.

TMitB
In the kingdom of the blind, it’s the one-eyed man who finds the toidy.

Frank
Look, it’s really been nice talking to you, but my head really is pounding.
Think I’ll go chat-up those two girls…

TMitB
And then what?

Frank
I didn’t get that far in my lateral thinking.

TMitB
Touché, but seriously.
Where you gonna go after?

Frank
Man, you are pushy!

TMitB
What choice do I have, nobody here remembers…or gives much of donkey's.

Frank
And I’m startin’ not to either.
Look, you seem to be torturing yourself for no good reason.
I mean if it is all like you say won’t you start to forget all these questions too?

TMitB
That’s the crazy part of it.
Everything else has gone; my memories, all the meat and taters of my life, but I can’t get past wanting to know the reason why.
I seem to be stuck here with an overall ache to figure it out, when like you said, nobody around me gives a hamster's nuts.

Frank
Maybe if you were to take it easy.
I mean, this is a diner, why not just leave it at that, order a coffee- if she'll let you-just chill.
If we all came in the way you said, maybe we will just pop out to.
Or you can always just go out the door.

TMitB
I, I don’t think so.

Frank
Why not?
I mean you want big answers sometimes you got to make big moves.

TMitB
No, no I really don’t think so.

Frank
Really, maybe going out you return to wherever you came from.
Maybe the way out of here is truly the way out of here.
Maybe if I…
(peels out of the booth and crosses down-stage left and opens the screen door out, TMitB rises)

TMitB
Um…Fa, Fa, Frank? Don't ok? Don’t.

The Waitress
Hon, wanna close that please?

TMitB
Really, Frank…please.

Frank
Why not?
If I get through or back or whatever, I’ll send you a sign.
(he opens the door wider, TmitB takes a step back)

The Waitress
Um, hon, just close it, please.

TMitB
Come on, really.
Ca…close the door man!

Frank
Wo, look at you.
Mmm (he places his right toe out over the doorjam into the blackness of offstage)
Afraid I’ll take a ste...

TMitB
…whoa whoa, Frank!

Waitress
(actually coming from around the counter now.)_
In or out, O.K.?

TMitB
Don’t say out…
Frank, just...

Frank
What are you so worried about, Jeez.

TMitB
I don't know you potser, just don't!

The Waitress
Hon, let me get you a cup of coffee and we’ll...

Frank
Hey, my headaches gone.
(he walks through the door)

TmitB
Nooooooo

Waitress
I would’ve poured him decaf if he’d wanted.

TMitB
Huh?

Waitress
What?

TMitB
Sorry, thought you said something.
(begins to walk back over to the booth but then turns back to her quickly)
Now, why the hell was I up?

Waitress
You wanna a cup of coffee, honey?

TMitB
(Sits down at the booth, precisely in the same position he was in the beginning of the play. The two girls lean up from the counter-in unison and requisite percussion accents-and go to join him in the exact same places they were as the play began.)

2010-05-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Editor: The attachment is a playlet, "The Game." I've had seven one act plays produced off-Off Broadway and one published. I received a grant as a playwright from the Yaddo Foundation. Twelves books have been published. Fiction titles: Parthian Retreat, Seres Sanctuary and Parthian Karma (a historical trilogy), Blackmail High, Ditzy & Champion, and the Montrell Tapes. Nonfiction: Splendid Seniors: Great Lives/Great Deeds, Exploring Historic California, Southern India, There's A Bullet Hole In Your Window, Travel Safety (co-authored), and Consumer's Guide To Travel. I teach various writing courses at UCLA Extension and the Writer's Digest School. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Jack Adler

The Game

A Playlet

By

Jack Adler

Property of:

Jack Adler
6122 Shadyglade Avenue
North Hollywood, CA 91606
818-766-0731
jadler@prodigy.net

The Game

Set: Living room of small apartment. An unseen kitchen is adjacent. Dolly, who is 12 but looks much older, is staring at herself in a mirror and making odd expressions. Her father, Robert Mason, comes in with another man, Fred Walter. Both men are in their mid-thirties.

DAD
Dolly, this is Fred Walter, an old friend of mine. Also an actor. We were once in a play
together.

WALTER
An ex-actor.

DOLLY
(Curtseying and affecting a southern accent)
How do you, Mr. Walter. I’m ever so glad to welcome you to our humble residence.

WALTER
(a bit surprised)
Thank you.

(Walter sits on a couch.)

DAD
How about a beer?

WALTER
No thanks. I can’t stay long. Have to get home.

DAD
Dolly’s going to be an actress too. A great one!

DOLLY
Right you are, daddio.

DAD
(doting)
She’s brilliant. Daddy’s little girl is brilliant, isn’t she?

WALTER
Her powers of mimicry are very good.

DAD
Good? They’re great! She can mimic anyone. Daddy’s little girl is a great mimic.

2/The Game-Adler

DOLLY
(mimicking)
Daddy’s little girl is a great mimic.

(Dad laughs; Walter, a bit nervously, follows suit.)

DAD
I don’t know where to start her off. She’s good at everything. A natural. It’s fantastic.

DOLLY
(doing a Hindu dancing movement and then speaking in an Indian accent)
Many men have seen this dance.

DAD
There! Do you see that? What other twelve year old girl you know could do that?

WALTER
Very few if any.

DAD
I was thinking of just getting her private instructors right now. More formal academic
training later.

WALTER
Pretty ambitious.

DAD
Why sure. And she’s worth every penny of it. She’s going to be a great star.

DOLLY
(with a flourish)
La de la.

DAD
(finally sitting)
How about you? You’ve really given up acting?

WALTER
Completely. I live like a human being now.
(checks himself as Mason grimaces)
I mean … I eat and sleep regularly. Get a regular paycheck. Things like that.

3/The Game/Adler

DAD
(nodding)
I know the routine.

WALTER
And you?

DAD
Ah, still plugging away. Had one commercial. Lots of auditions. We get by.

WALTER
Good.

DAD
(turning his attention again to Dolly)
Dolly, show Fred what you can do. Come on.

(Dolly does a tap dance.)
Oh, my, oh my, I’m just a little girl but –
(she rolls her hips lasciviously)

DAD
Great! Isn’t that great?

WALTER
She’s obviously talented.

DAD
Damn right!

WALTER
You and your wife must be very proud of her.

(Mason’s and Dolly’s expressions turn cold.)

DAD
My wife?

WALTER
I’m sorry. I thought … the last time we saw each other … I thought …

4/The Game/Adler

DOLLY
(with mock Chinese accent)
Ignorant occidental make huge mistake.

DAD
(motioning Dolly to be quiet)
Why do you ask about my wife?

WALTER
Why do I ask? Because it seemed natural to ask.

DAD
Natural?
(he glances at Dolly as if asking if Walter’s comment was natural)

DOLLY
He’s another one. Good golly land of Goshen grapes of wrath and other related jazz.

DAD
Quiet, Dolly.

WALTER
Did I say something wrong?

DOLLY
Did he?

DAD
My wife isn’t here any more. We don’t talk about her.

WALTER
Oh, I see.

DAD
She left us. Desertion. She didn’t like us. Father or child.

WALTER
I’m sorry.

DAD
She was always complaining. She didn’t think I was a good father. But I’m a good father,
aren’t I, Dolly?

5/The Game/Adler

DOLLY
Stunningly good, my dear.

DAD
I tried. She was mean and malicious, and she went away.

DOLLY
Mommy left us. Oh, the bitch!
(draws her hand across her throat as if cutting her absent mother’s throat)

DAD
Maybe you think we drove her away?

WALTER
Oh no! Why would I think that?

DAD
I don’t know. Others have. It’s not true. I say it’s not true.

WALTER
(increasingly uncomfortable)
Okay.

DAD
Not one bit true. I was a good husband. Dolly was a good daughter. She didn’t have to run away. We tried.

WALTER
I’m sure you did.

DOLLY
(shaking her head)
He doesn’t believe you.

(Walter looks incredulously at Dolly. Mason regards Walter with doubt.)

WALTER
I do. I do believe you. Why wouldn’t I?

DAD
I don’t know.

6/The Game/Adler

DOLLY
Poppa, can we? Huh, can we?

DAD
Quiet.

WALTER
Well, I’m sorry if I’ve offended you in any way, but I assure you it wasn’t intentional and …
(he stands as if ready to leave)

DOLLY
Poppa!

DAD
What have you got to say for yourself?

WALTER
What?

DAD
You heard me.

DOLLY
Don’t let him pull anything.

WALTER
(angry)
I’m not …
(he controls his anger)

DAD
Sit down!
(Walter doesn’t sit.
You’re excited. Be cool.

(Reluctantly Walter sits again)

DAD
Dolly, go make Fred some tea.
(Dolly smiles and runs off-stage into the kitchen)
You like tea, don’t you?

7/The Game/Adler

DAD
Dolly makes very good tea.
(Walter nods uncertainly)
My wife used to make very good tea, too.

WALTER
I really have to go.

DAD
Come on, Fred. Don’t rush off. We should see more of each other.

WALTER
Sure.

(Dolly returns with tea which she serves to Walter first and then to her father.)

DAD
(beaming)
And so domestic, too. Dolly will make some lucky man a wonderful wife.

DOLLY
Natch, patch.

DAD
You haven’t tried the tea.

DOLLY
Drink up, matey!

DAD
What’s the matter?

WALTER
Nothing.

DAD
Better drink it while it’s hot.

(Walter picks up the tea cup and then purposefully spills it)
Oh, God damn! I’m sorry.
(Starts toward the kitchen)
I”ll get a rag.

8/The Game/Adler

DAD
DON’T GO INTO THE KITCHEN!

WALTER
(stopping in alarm)

DAD
Dolly will clean up.
(Dolly gives her father a meaningful glance but doesn’t leave)
Sit down. Accidents will happen. There’s always an accident happening. Don’t you find that to be true?

WALTER
Yes.
(stands again)
I really have to go. You probably have things to do and –

DAD
No. I’m free. Please stay.
(to Dolly)
Tell Fred to stay.

DOLLY
Oh, do stay, please. I’ll sing and dance and be ever so gay.

WALTER
(edging toward the door)
It’s been great but …

DOLLY
Poppa, make him stay.

DAD
Wait! Just see Dolly’s special number. She’s been rehearsing it for a week. For a big contest, she’s going to win. But we’d like your opinion. Pleasse.

WALTER
(reluctantly, he sits)
Okay. For a minute or two.

DAD
Let the show begin.
9/The Game/Adler

(Dolly starts to dance, veering on concentric half-circles and closer and closer to Walter. Then she draws a long kitchen knife from her dress and brandishes it dangerously about Walter who looks nervous and then starts to gasp.)

DAD
What’s the matter? It’s just a saber dance. That’s all.

(Walter sinks to the floor, unconscious.)

DOLLY
I think we did it again, pops.

(They look at the prostrate Walter. Suddenly, Mrs. Mason enters the apartment with grocery bundles, nearly tripping over Walter. She’s a woman around thirty.)

MOTHER
What’s going on? Who’s this? Is he okay?

DAD
Haven’t checked yet, but I doubt it. Heart attack, you know.

MOTHER
You’re incorrigible. What a pair!

DAD
Oh, we pulled the strange father-girl routine. It worked.

MOTHER
Good dripping heavens! I swear I can’t leave you two alone without mayhem happening.
All this acting nonsense. What kind of father are you anyhow?

DAD
I thought he knew we were playing around.

DOLLY
We didn’t mean it.

MOTHER
Quiet, Dolly. I know what you’re like.
(pause)
Well, who’s going to call the doctor this time?
(Sees the mess from the spilled tea)

10/The Game/Adler

MOTHER
Dolly, do something useful. Clean up that mess.

(Mason and Dolly stare at each other. Dolly starts to do her saber dance again, going toward her mother with a savage gleam on her face. Mason watches with a detached look as if studying Dolly’s performance.)

#

Jack Adler
6122 Shadyglade Avenue
North Hollywood, CA 91606
(818-766-0731)
jadler@prodigy.net

2010-05-05T09:04:00.000-07:00

Chris Gutierrez

"Rock Hudson"

(Scene opens inside a pre-rock n roll 1950s house. Henry, a salary man, walks through the door.)

Henry
Hey Honey, I’m home
(Jane walks into the room and begins to help Henry take off his outdoor wear and attaché.)

Jane
Hello dear. How was work?

Henry
It was swell. I closed the Peterson account.

Jane
That’s fantastic. If this keeps up I may be looking
at the future VP.

Henry
Oh Jane, you’ll give me a big head. So what’s for dinner?

Jane
I have a roast in the oven dear.

Henry
A roast really… That’s a little heavy for Tuesday night, but I suppose we do have something to celebrate.

Jane
Why don’t you sit down in the den and I’ll bring you a highball
Henry
Don’t mind if I do(walks to den, notices drapes) Did you do something to the drapes.

Jane
Why yes, do you like it.

Henry
Grey drapes is this a joke? I didn’t know I was on “The Tonight Show” with Steve Allen? It looks like a bomb shelter

Jane(hands drink)
No dear, I just thought

Henry (Throws drink down)
You just thought you want everyone to think we’re communist.

Jane
Fine, well if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go have a Pall Mall.
Henry
You’re smoking again?

Jane
Only when I need one to calm my nerves.

Henry
Then you might as well give me one too.
(Jane gives him a lit cigarette, Henry throws it at curtains)

Jane
Henry, that’ll catch fire.
Henry
It completes the look. Grey curtains. Where is your color wheel?

Jane
In my bureau.

Henry
Did you even look at?

Jane
No

Henry
I know you didn’t. Why did I even bother buying you one if you’re not going to use it.

Jane
I’m sorry dear.

Henry
Mike and Holly Flenderson coming to dinner tomorrow? Are you going to feed them a cup of rice and dried apricots then make them read pamphlets? Bring me the mail.

Jane
Yes dear.

Henry
I might as well let Archimedes do his business in here so it can smell like China too. You know I could have married Holly Flenderson, but no I had to choose the fixer upper. And you wonder why we been married for two years and still haven’t had sex?

Jane
I need to better myself. I forget sometimes.

Henry
(reads letter out loud) “It’s our pleasure to inform
you that your house has been selected this years parade of homes” (Slaps June) Is this you what you want? After W.R. Hearst puts these curtains in his papers, Ike Eisenhower is going to read it and send Old Joe McCarthy after us.

Jane
I’m so sorry Henry that’s not what I want at all.

Henry
I swear if I didn’t make you bleach your mustache It’d be like I was married to Stalin. I am going to have to take off work to fix this.

Jane
Couldn’t we just put the old ones back up?

Henry
Of course not, there isn’t enough booze in the world is going to make me forget that my house looks like a fallout shelter. I have to change everything now. I guess we can kiss Waikiki good-bye. I..I can’t deal with this right now. I’m going to my mothers. (runs upstairs)

Jane
I’m so sorry dear. I just tried to do something new. I really hoped you would like it like it. I just so rarely get to do things myself and I thought that if you liked it you’d want to have a baby I’m so sorry.

Henry
(coming back) I was so angry I couldn’t find my luggage. But guess what I found instead?

Jane
My jewelry box!

Henry
I am flushing them all down the toilet, but I guess you don’t care, do you comrade? (flushes toilet) Do svidaniya!

Jane
Henry, your mother’s pearls!

Henry
Why would you want a kid now? We’d have to give up everything. I couldn’t go to the bath house after work with the guys and you wouldn’t have time to do your war crimes (grabs the curtain, notices the backing) Are the backing on these peach?

Jane
Yes, I had a few yards of it sitting in the closet for a while, waiting for something to do with it.

Henry
You did this all by yourself?

Jane
Yes, I cut it from a pattern I found at Sears Roebuck.

Henry
A Sears Roebuck pattern? It’s cute.

Jane
(embraces Henry) Thank you so much Henry!

Henry
I love you Jane.
Jane
I love you too, dear.

Henry
Wipe the tear out of your eye and bring me the garbage so I can see what you ate today.

Jane
Yes dear.

Henry
And grab something to clean this mess up. I’ll call the plumber.

2010-05-04T19:21:00.000-07:00

Alpha at the Omega

A short play in one act by
Frank R Sjodin

Sjodin/Alpha Omega/2

Setting: The Exact Center of the Universe, 20 minutes before the
End of the Universe.(as the audience enters, A sits center stage in
a pose of meditation, on a rug or mat. Eyes closed, chanting perhaps, with the sound
of a clock ticking clearly audible, even if there is some sort of preshow
music. There is no curtain to close or open. There are six clear exits on the stage,
they could be six doors, six “pods,” perhaps six ladders going upwards or even six
pits. Ask a set designer. When the show starts, after announcements and such, the
lights should start to dim slowly and spot on A. The music fades
out and all that can be heard is the sound of the chanting and clock ticking, then
the chanting fades out as if A is becoming aware of the audience.
When chanting and music have both faded out completely, these things happen at once:

A opens his or her eyes; the ticking of the clock reaches it's

climax then cuts out abruptly; the other characters enter at once.)

A: (without turning around) All of you?

X: I was going to come alone, but the others wanted to give you a chance to change your mind before
the end.

A: (standing and reviewing all the others) Even you? (to Z)

Z: I have nothing left to say to you. My presence re-communicates all I have said before, and my offer
still stands.

A: My rejection still stands as well. (Z begins to exit, the same way he entered.)

Y: Wait, he will listen to you more than any of us! Where are you going?

Z: Isn't it obvious? I'm going home. I already said “I have nothing more to say.”

Y: Well if you can't convince him, how are the rest of us supposed to get through to him?

Z: I don't know. But if you stay here much longer, you're guaranteed to meet the end. And unlike you,
I have someone more important waiting to meet me in another time and place. (Z exits, same way he
entered)

W: Is she more important than The End?! Why are you leaving when we need you most? (Z ignores W,
who addresses A) You should be ashamed! It pained him much to come here, a time-place so close to
his own time of birth. Why did you not listen to him?

Y: He would not listen before, why would he now? We've been trying to convince him for centuries.
Speaking of which, this is the closest to the End Time I've even been, and I'd feel a lot safer if we went
back a few years just to stay on the safe side of things.

X: That's a good point, we don't have much time to waste. Our last debate on this subject endured over

Sjodin/Alpha Omega/3

several months, need I remind you, we should really travel back a ways to make time to argue.

A: I'm done traveling backwards, forward in time is the only way left to go!

W: But there is no time left ahead, that's why this is called The End!

Y: You would stay here to see The End, even if it means risking a break in the cycle of time?

A: I mean to see The End, it is the only way we will even know if we can break the confines of
eternity!

W: But my friend, eternity does not confine you! Time is infinite, though it may end, there is enough
time for everyone! Who would dare risk breaking the cycle, destroying time for everyone?
Y: Only those who are foolish enough to believe that the Circle cannot be broken.

X: And those who care only for their own ambitions.

A: And those who dare what all others fear!

X: I'm not afraid, but I'm just no fool, like you!

W: Please, for once it seems that we haven't much time -

Y: We have less than 25 umins.

A: If you couldn't talk me out of this over 6 universal centuries, what makes you think you can talk me
out of it in 25 universal minutes?
(W, X, and Y look at each other)

W: My friend, we're not here to talk any longer. The time for talk has passed, our existence here is
ending and you know the rules! Never to the Beginning, Never to The End! The further back you go,
the more you can distort the flow of time, and by going too far forward...

X: You risk ending up at the Beginning, and from that point destroying everything.

Y: As a member of our order, having mastered life everlasting and the sciences of traveling space-time,
you know we cannot allow you to take this risk.

X: We've come prepared to kill you if need be. I'm prepared to kill you even with no need.

A: Yes, I'm sure the moral preparation took seconds for you.

W: (casting a stern look at X) That is our last resort. I don't want to lose you forever, your talents and
knowledge are useful! Time is infinite, there is no end to the number of beings who still need our aid as
masters of time. Beings who need you. You have proven your courage by traveling closer to The End

Sjodin/Alpha Omega/4

than we dared, but this childish game is over.

Y: Think of your responsibility! The knowledge in you that will be lost when you die at The End!

A: If I die at The End. If I survive I may learn of not just the end of time, but also the Beginning!

Y: Science, in fact some of your own research has proven, that when Time ends, existence as we know
it ends! There will be nothing left for this universe, this dimension, this method of existence, call it
what you may! The statistical chance of surviving after the Great End are inquantifiably miniscule, and
those statistics are only based on theoretical calculations!

W: We have already tried that argument! He will not be persuaded with logic! Your faith leads you to
this end, but you must consider the sin you commit, the moral implications of your actions! If you do
live past The End, you may not be living as we know it, you will be simply existing in a different flow
of time, in eras that none of our divine order have influenced! You might not return to the Beginning
but slip off the wheel and get caught in another cog! You are not wise enough to be the only one with
the power you wield! What will you do in a universe reborn? What will you do with a universe of
nothing, should you arrive at The Beginning that is not The Beginning as we understand it? (A does not
respond, but looks away)

Y: He would try to create his own universe, a new reality. That would be my hypothesis.

A: Yes. My intentions are impossible to conceal from you. I believe that after The End, I will be
transported to another Cycle of Time, placed right at The Beginning, but a Beginning in the truest
sense. A Beginning that has never been before! Tabula rasa. I will create a perfect universe.

X: There, heresy! He wishes to become God. Can we kill him now? We have killed gods before.

A: Yes, we killed the gods because they were not god-like! Not in the truest sense! They did not create
this universe, they merely shaped it more than other beings. When their shaping became malignant, we
had them destroyed, some even completely removed from all living memory, all time! They were not
truly immortal.

X: Neither are we, and don't forget it.

W: Yet it is possible for us to claim infinite life, so long as we stay within infinity, a small price to ask!
Our universe has potential to create an enduring period of time that is perfect, and that is what we strive
for! That is why we travel time, to ensure that history does not repeat a cycle of pain forever.

A: You have been striving for that idea for eons longer than I have, before I was conceived! By the
time you inducted me into your order, our universe was so critically, continually, and infinitely flawed
that we could not make it perfect even if we spent all of it's infinite time repairing it's flaws.

Y: What flaws do you speak of? Humankind can control the flow of time! We live forever, we have
mastered our genes, we create each other by design, we even re-create ourselves! We have perfected
sex, harnessed our subconscious emotions and animal instincts, eliminated hunger, disease, malignant
mutation,

Sjodin/Alpha Omega/5

A: There is still hate.

W: There will always be hate where injustice is allowed to exist, and though we are all ashamed of it,
all of the advances we have gained has been through injustices, exploitation of the hard work of others.
The knowledge and power we wield to prevent injustices in our universe were learned through more
ancient injustices. It is tragic but true, even your own knowledge of time travel is only thanks to the
thousands who died before you, researching and testing the rules of the universe so that future
generations might benefit from their sacrifices. Many of those who made the crucial discoveries of
history were forced to do so by the injustices of the times and situations they lived in!

A: Scientific research and labor can be freely given, knowledge need not be acquired through injustice!

X: At a certain point in time, that might be true. But when things were just getting started, that wasn't
the case. If we go back to stop ourselves from learning to go back, we'll lose all the work we've done by
traveling time! In primitive times, a few eggs had to be cracked, and some even stolen from somebody
else's nest and eaten. We're not savages, but we can't be concerned over the fact that our ancestors were.

Y: The injustices and atrocities of the past were necessary to learn what we know now, or for the
survival of the species. Otherwise those injustices would have been corrected through time travel. You
know that and accepted it when you were initiated into -

A: Did you know that when you were initiated? Did you know the sins of humanity when you lead the
revolt against the Gods? Will it be necessary to continue to kill (overlap with lines from Y and X) those
whose ways we cannot comprehend?

Y: Is has been necessary to kill, for survival, in the past, though our ancestors were not as evolved as
we are now. They also had not the resources and knowledge available to us.

X: It will always be necessary to kill.

W: There is a larger moral issue. The theory of non-existence! When one is killed, one still exists in
another time! Death is not Non-Existence, and in theory you could bring Non-Existence to us all!

A: In theory, not in fact.

Y: But there is a calculated chance that it might be fact, and we cannot allow you to take that risk.

A: The chance that my presence at the end of the universe will cause all other existence throughout
time to end is even less than the chance that I will survive to create my own universe! The chances of
either event are near infinitely small,

Y: But not infinitely small. I hate to say it this way, but the difference between “infinite” and “near
infinite” is infinite.

W: Use your personal dream dimension to create your own universe if you want. We will build you a
perpetual-motion machine to keep you alive while you sleep forever, and if you are on board my ship

Sjodin/Alpha Omega/6

you will sail through all of time in you own universe. Everything you want but at no risk to the rest of
us. You have no right to risk all other existing beings because you are the only one powerful and
willing enough to be here at The End.

A: I would know that my own dream would not be real, that fact would forever taint my subconscious,
then how could I dream?

X: At least you wouldn't be risking us all! We don't agree with your action, the risk isn't worth it to us!

A: But the risk is worth it! Not just for me, but for everyone! Think if I do create the perfect universe, I
will travel back to before the new universe existed, back to your time! I can find you and bring all of
old creation into my new, perfect universe.

Y: Or you could undo all of reality for everyone else, without the consent of any other living being. If
even one being disagrees with your risk, you can not make the choice and be free of guilt. You are
breaking your own rules, choosing for others is injustice by nature! Even if the risk is worth it, you do
not have the moral right to take that risk for everyone.

X: And by refusing to leave this Time-Place before The End, you give us the moral right to terminate
your existence. Look on the bright side, you'll still get to go somewhere no immortal has ever gone, be
it Heaven, Hell, or any of the other dimensions our order has yet to explore!

W: No. You must not forget that we were all mortal once, and still are from a certain point of view.
Death is still possible for us, we may die violently. The ability to potentially live forever does not make
us true immortals. We are but humans with power, and all humans eventually visit death. Just because
no being has ever returned from death does not mean that none of us have gone there.

A: I will make a man that can return from death, with memories of the events on the other side.

X: But since it won't be necessary to kill in your universe, he'll never die, at least not by the hands of
your creations, so I guess you'll just have to kill him yourself if you want to know what happens to
someone after they die. If you're so brave and interested in what happens after death, I know a way that
you can find out for yourself, right now!

Y: So by yourself, you will create a being that can come back to life after death, regenerate it's body,
and maintain all of it's memory? Without any aide from your former teachers? Without our combined
knowledge of dimensional travel? Surely, you can't believe yourself to be that talented. You need us as
much as we do you to uncover that secret. Stay with us, we can continue to research the subject,
eventually we will discover a way!

W: There is wisdom in these words. You are younger than us, but we all may live forever by moving
backwards and forwards in time, with new bodies, new minds, over time we will discover a way to visit
the dead and return to life. We will discover the ultimate truth of existence, what happens to the soul
after death. We will prove or disprove the theories, Heaven and Hell, reincarnation, shade theory, and
all the rest!

A: But with the knowledge we have now, every theory, in one way or another breaks the rules of

Sjodin/Alpha Omega/7

existence. If I create a universe with a new set of rules, new people, I could make a man who could die
and return, body and soul. I believe it will be easier to start from scratch than work with the dirty, sandfilled
clay we have in this universe. Then men I make will be crafted of sterner stuff.

W: These new men you speak of, how would you make them, in your own image?

A: (reluctantly) Since none of you agreed to come with me, yes, I would have to use myself as a
physical and psychiatric model.

Y: Then you will create a race of beings exactly like humanity as you know it here! You are as hateful,
stubborn, and hypocritical as the rest of us. You would build a race of people claiming to work for
peace who thrive only off of each others' suffering!

A: No, I will let them learn over time, I will not force knowledge upon them! I will make the world
provide everything they need, it will not be so harsh as the frozen rock our ancestors scraped out life
upon!

W: Without hardships they will become weak.

A: They will not need to be strong, for they will not need to compete with one another for survival!

X: Then they will compete for status, for pride, and for glory. For immortality in memory, as our
ancestors did. They will compete in any sense, and it the most brutal and terminal sense.

Y: If you make yourself known to them, they will envy you and hate you, no matter your generosity.
Inevitably, a certain percentage of the population will always detest you.

A: I will love them, and they will know it!

W: No matter how you love them, some will turn away no matter what and it will pain you. You will be
the only one with knowledge of the true nature of space, time, and life! You are too feeble to bare that
burden alone!

A: Then come with me! Stay here until The End, and help me build my world! Am I the only one who
is brave enough?

W: Courage is a virtue, but as often a vice. Like any tool or weapon, it is often used best when
considered, but not used at all.

Y: We haven't much time left for this debate, The End is upon us! This is your last chance, are you
coming with us or not?

A: I told you my decision once, and it has not changed since then.

X: Ok then. Mind if I do the honors? (draws some sort of gun, and clicks the safety off, and begins to
point it at A. As X does this, Y and W draw guns as well, and A takes a tube-like necklace from
beneath his shirt and clicks it, which causes a humming sound.)

Sjodin/Alpha Omega/8

A: As it was written, in my own words, I'm not going down alone, and not without a fight.

Y: Wait, is that what I think it is? A mutually-assured-destruction trap? That's the best you can come up
with?
(X tosses down gun, and begins to laugh)

A: Go ahead. I knew you'd take the easy way and bring guns. Fire your anti-matter at me, the
successive reaction will end all of our lives, and all of our collective knowledge will be lost forever.

W: So that's why he didn't stay with us, he knew.

Y: I assume you came prepared for this contingency? I'm not the only one with a less sophisticated
weapon on my person?

X: Of course I prepared. (draws a sword that was previously concealed beneath clothing.) Here, you'll
need this more than I will. (hands sword to W) I prefer to fight with my hands and feet anyways. (Xcracks knuckles, Y drops gun and draws a knife. W holds the sword in one hand and gun in the other.)

A: Don't think I haven't prepared for this course of action you are taking! I had an eternity to train!
(draws a small rod from behind his cloak, spins it and it extends out into a bo staff, then he takes a
fighting pose) I will have my world as a reality, no matter what I have to do for it!

W: (clicking the safety of gun and aiming it at A) You are making the mistakes you wish to erase. I am
so sorry I have to do this (points gun at A while X and Y shout in shock – then A knocks the gun out of W's hand with his staff, before W can fire. Begin fight sequence)
(The fight should be elaborate, and long. All four should fight very carefully and calculated, except at
then end where noted. Specific movements or styles can vary, ask a fight choreographer about it. W, X,
and Y should at first attack A one at a time, then all at once. At all times A should also be aware of
where the guns in the room are, so that W never has an opportunity to pick one up. W, X, and Y should
occasionally be disarmed or swap weapons, X should at one point injure A with the knife or the sword.
After being wounded, A should be infused with extra fury, fight wildly and emotionally, finally beating
back all three attackers, wounding X and killing W. As W dies, watches on the wrists of W, X, and Y
begin to beep. Y should drop weapon and make a desperate attempt to get a gun at this point, but X gets
to it first and throws it away. During this dialogue, the wounded A loses his energy, but staggers to
collect another dropped gun )

X: We can't kill him, and if we leave now there's still an overwhelming chance he'll die and neither
unmake reality nor remake his own!

Y: True, yet if we shoot him and die together here and now, we insure that he will never take the risk!
We will die but we will take no gambles with existence.

X: Statistically he's throwing his life away and most likely won't negate all of our existence! I let you
pull this trigger and I'm guaranteed to die. Call me selfish, but I want a chance to survive. (X exits, with
the gun same way X originally entered)

Sjodin/Alpha Omega/9

Y: Even if the chance is infinitely small, I can't let you risk all of reality! I am obligated to stop you
even at the cost of my own life. (reaching for the last gun, but A gets to it first, but a mere second)

A: (picking up a gun, and clicking his little tube-necklace off) You don't have a gun to activate my
MAD trap with, so you can't even kill yourself to stop me. You don't have a choice. Leave now or I
will kill you, and your life will be wasted for no reason at all.

Y: May your new universe flourish, if you do live to create it. (Y exits as Y originally entered)

A: (setting down the gun, checks his watch one last time, still alert that someone may enter) 5 seconds
left. (to corpse of W) How did it come to this? Of all my teachers, and of all my equals, I always loved
you best, you know.
(Sounds of impending implosion. A stands with back to audience, and the lights slowly fade down on
him as the sounds increase)

A: Implosion? So the world shall not end in fire...no, let there not be darkness. Let no more darkness
be! Let there be no darkness!

SILENCE

BLACKOUT

THE END

2010-05-04T11:40:00.001-07:00

Neville Mur
7355 Idamor Lane
St. Louis, MO 63123-2102
(314) 849-1346 (Direct Line)
nevillemur@att.net (E-Mail)

Playwright’s Biography & Resume

Neville, a transplanted New Yorker has written more than a dozen audience participation comedy murder mysteries all of which have been performed since 1987. He’s a member of the Dramatists Guild, Actors’ Equity, AFTRA and SAG.

He brings a wide theatrical background to his writing, starting as a drama student attending the famed High-School of Performing Arts in New York City. After high school he joined the Marines. Upon completing his military service he enrolled at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts and two months after graduation, was hired by an Off-Broadway Equity production.

This led to working in many Off-Broadway theatres, in addition to Summer Stock at the Totem Pole Playhouse in Pennsylvania, Rockland County Playhouse in New York, and the Muny Opera in St. Louis. He performed in the St. Louis production of Shear Madness. As a TV actor he was featured as the “Sweetheart Swindler” in an episode by that same name appearing on Unsolved Mysteries for NBC-TV.

He’s written several plays including a one-act play, The Last Fifth of the 20th Century, which was given a reading by the Women in Theatre/LA in June of 2009, two ten-minute plays, Bar Mitzvah Blues, which was a featured as part of the 2006 Ray J. Flores Festival and Harper’s Elevator which was a finalist in the 2007 Flores Series of readings in New York City. Both plays were finalists in First Run Theatre’s Spectrum Series of short plays given fully staged performances in St. Louis in June 2007. His first full-length play, the romantic comedy, A Marine Caught in Leotards, won the 2006 new play competition at the Brevard Little Theatre (Brevard, NC) and received its world premiere on Brevard’s stage, May 25, 2007.

When not acting, or directing, he continues to write. He worked as a theatre critic for radio station KDHX-FM. His latest full-length play Brooklyn Bagatelle received a reading with Equity actors in St, Louis, and became a finalist in the 76th Annual Writer’s Digest Writing Competition, in the Stage Play Script category, the 3rd Annual Great Plains Theatre Conference and the Brevard Little Theatre Annual Competition. He’s been requested to adapt A Marine Caught in Leotards into a screenplay while he continues to work on his next play, Murder on the Mississippi (A Mark Twain Mystery)

A Modern Angel

A Short One-Act Play

By Neville Mur

Copyright © Neville Mur
Dramatists Guild Member
All Right & Privileges

Send all inquires to:

Neville Mur
7355 Idamor Lane
St. Louis, MO 63123-2102

(314) 849-1346 (Direct Line)
nevillemur@att.net

A Modern Angel

Characters

Samantha: Woman, thirty-five to forty-five

Gabe Man, Sixty to Seventy

Time: The Present

Place: An Elevator somewhere

1

SCENE:

(Set Suggesting an Elevator. This can be
Accomplished by three flats or screens: one upstage, one to the right of the upstage flat,
one to the left of the upstage flat. These left
and right flats or screens should come out of
the upstage flat or screen at a 45 degree angle
to give the two characters more room for staging. SAMANTHA, is stylishly dressed in a tailored pants suit. She sits on the floor in
the right coiner of the elevator with a handbag
strapped over her shoulder and an attaché case
next to her. GABE is dressed in old jeans, shabby shoes and a faded old Hawaiian Aloha shirt. He stands in the left corner. After a long pause SAMANTHA speaks.)

SAMANTHA
(Nervously)
How long have we been here?

(GABE speaks and when he does it’s with a very
Pronounced Yiddish accent)

GABE
I don’t know. I haven’t the vaguest idea. You’ve gotta watch, give a look.

(SAMANTHA rises from the floor, looks at her wristwatch,
notices the sweep second hand isn’t moving. She taps the
watch, nothing happens. Now she shakes her wrist, holds
the watch to her ear, still nothing.)

GABE
Problems?

SAMANTHA
It doesn’t seem to be running. It’s frozen at 9:45.

GABE
A.M. or P.M?

SAMANTHA
A.M. or course, what would I be doing in an office building elevator at 9:45 P.M?

2

GABE
Who said it’s an office building?

(SAMANTHA ignores him)

SAMANTHA
God, I hate when this happens. Why now? This is my anniversary with the Company.
(GABE shrugs his shoulders)

SAMANTHA
What could possibly be worse than being stuck in a tiny elevator when you’ve got a very important meeting?

GABE
You’ve been stuck in elevators before?

SAMANTHA
No, never. But I always wondered how I’d react if it ever happened.

GABE
Now you’ll find out.

SAMANTHA
(Getting very impatient)
Very funny. (Pause) Why are we stuck? Can’t we just push the alarm button or use the emergency phone … call for help … anything to get us out of here!

GABE
There’s no alarm button, there’s no emergency phone.

SAMANTHA
That’s ridiculous … what kind of cockamamie elevator is this? I’ve never heard of such a thing. All elevators come equipped with emergency buttons and phones.

GABE
Apparently – not this one.

SAMANTHA
I don’t remember getting in this elevator … I have no recollection of walking into this office building … that this elevator must be in … in fact, I don’t remember anything.,

GABE
Sounds like amnesia.

3

SAMANTHA
No, I know who I am. My name is Samantha Bradley, I’m thirty … never mind the age business. How did I get here? (Pause) Why me …Why Now!

(She starts banging her head against the wall)

GABE
Don’t do that, you’ll damage the bulkhead.

SAMANTHA
Bulkhead?!

GABE
Forgive me … I like to speak in nautical terms. It comes from being in the Marines during the big war.

SAMANTHA
You couldn’t have been in World War II, you’d be in your eighties by now.

GABE
Who said it was World War II?

SAMANTHA
But, you said the big war.

GABE
Darling, whether it’s World War II, Korea, Viet Nam or this desert mishegas, when you’re in it, and they’re shooting at you –personally – believe me it’s the big war.

SAMANTHA
You’re talking … you’re speaking … but you’re not making any sense.

GABE
Who said it’s supposed to make sense?

SAMANTHA
(Changing the subject)
As long as we’re here … stuck like this, we might as well make the best of it, get acquainted. I’ll start first my name is Samantha …

GABE
Bradley, yeah you told me already.

SAMANTHA
And you are …?

4

GABE
Just call me Gabe or Ray, whichever you prefer, it really doesn’t matter.

SAMANTHA
You have two first names?

GABE
My name is Gabriel Raphael or is it Raphael Gabriel? It’s been such a long, long time I’m never quite sure.

SAMANTHA
You don’t know your own name?

GABE
In the grand scheme of things it’s really not that important.

SAMANTHA
Certainly it’s important. How can you say that? It says who you are, it’s why you’re here, it’s your identity. It supports your purpose in life.

GABE
My, aren’t we getting philosophical.

SAMANTHA
For instance, what line of work are you in Mr. Gabriel Raphael or Raphael Gabriel, what ever your name is.

GABE
You could say I’m a … collector.

SAMANTHA
Judging by your appearance I’d say you’re in the salvage business.

GABE
A euphemism for junk dealer, see Miss Smarty Pants I could be an appraiser

SAMANTHA
The appraisers I know all dress with a little more taste.

GABE
Another euphemism for: conservative, stuffy, staid, stodgy, run-of-the-mill.

SAMANTHA
What exactly do you collect or appraise?

5

GABE
People, mainly.

(Awkward pause)

SAMANTHA
What the hell are we doing here … what’s going on? (Pause) I remember getting into my car … rushing through three yellow lights to get here … suddenly out of the corner of my eye I saw this enormous garbage truck bearing down on me … then a crash … then nothing.

GABE
Now you remember?

SAMANTHA
How did I wind up in an elevator stranded between …?

GABE
Topside and below decks.

SAMANTHA
We’re on a ship?

GABE
There I go again using those nautical analogies. We could be on a typical New York elevator … always breaking down, but I think you get the drill.

(Another awkward pause, then revelation)

SAMANTHA
I’m no longer alive.

GABE
BINGO!!

SAMANTHA
Then you’re the Archangel Gabriel or Raphael. Which is it?

GABE
Like everyone else these days we’re downsizing. Since I’m doing the work of two, I might as well be both.

SAMANTHA
And topside is …? And below decks are …?

6

GABE
Exactly.

SAMANTHA
This is all so bizarre. How can you be Gabriel or Raphael … you’re Jewish. Whoever heard of a Jewish Angel.? I’m not Jewish, I’m Catholic. This must be some kind of mistake.

GABE
Where is it written that an angel has to be a goy?

SAMANTHA
But we never heard of Jewish Angels in Catechism class.

GABE
Was that my fault? Believe me Gabriel and Raphael are featured in the Old Testament along with Michael and Uriel. Hey, we even get better billing in the New Testament. If you look in those pages you’ll see us mentioned many times.

SAMANTHA
Who reads the Bible in Catholic School?

GABE
You don’t think Jews have Angels?

SAMANTHA
I’m not doubting your word.

GABE
I’m telling you the truth. Besides I can’t lie. I’d be breaking one of the Ten Commandments.

SAMANTHA
Do Jews follow the Ten Commandments too?

GABE
What do you think Moses last name was … O’Brien?

SAMANTHA
This can’t be happening to me.

GABE
The first stage of denial.

7

SAMANTHA
But I’m too young. I’m breaking the glass ceiling in my field, the first woman to ever do it. This is my shot!

GABE
Shot, smot, it ain’t happening darling, get use to it.

SAMANTHA
So now what happens?

(GABE picks up a clipboard from the floor)

GABE
I have to do an appraisal to see if you go up (Points index finger up) or down (turns thumb down to the floor) this elevator ain’t movin’ until we do the paperwork. If we go up I’ll personally escort you to the Head Gatekeeper. If we go down I’ll let you off at the sub-basement level, then I’m gone.

SAMANTHA
So in other words we’re stuck in Limbo.

GABE
There are no other words, those are the exact words.

SAMANTHA
I thought you had all that information on a giant ledger up there … somewhere.

GABE
You’ve been seeing too many Movies. Do I look like Mr. Jordan to you? This is not a scene from Heaven Can Wait.

SAMANTHA
This is all so surreal … I must be in some sort of crazy dream.

GABE
The second stage of denial.

SAMANTHA
Stop saying that!

GABE
Tell you what, how’s this for reality?

(GABE pinches her arm)

8

SAMANTHA
Ouch! That hurts.

GABE
Is that real enough, now you know you’re not dreaming.

SAMANTHA
But if I’m dead how can I feel that pinch?

GABE
You’re body is dead, not your soul.

SAMANTHA
So that’s what this is about?

GABE
Yeah, it’s called soul searching. That’s what we do with this questionnaire I have to fill out.

SAMANTHA
You mean I have to justify my Life?

GABE
Of course, how else do you expect to get … topside.

SAMANTHA
Before we proceed further I have to tell you this is not at all what I expected. I never envisioned being on an elevator with a shabbily dressed Jewish Junk Dealer.

GABE
(Laughs)
What? You envisioned someone in a long flowing white gown, spouting wings? As I said you’ve been watching too many Movies. Who should I look like, Henry Travers?

SAMANTHA
Who!!?

GABE
The character actor with the bushy eyebrows who played Clarence the Angel in It’s A Wonderful Life, also a goy. Samantha, has it occurred to you why you’re on an elevator and nowhere else.

SAMANTHA
I suffer from severe claustrophobia I fear being confined to small spaces, particularly elevators. I barely tolerate it, but I have to in my business.

9

GABE
Which is?

SAMANTHA
I’d rather not say.

GABE
I know what you did, but you have to tell me why you got into that kind of work.

SAMANTHA
I have no regrets. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

GABE
Don’t be flippant.

SAMANTHA
I was recruited straight out of college.

GABE
You couldn’t have chosen another vocation?

SAMANTHA
The money was good, the benefits outstanding; besides I was serving my Country.

GABE
Weren’t there other ways to achieve that?

SAMANTHA
There were, but this sounded so much more adventurous.

GABE
Going into the military, serving your country, that’s an adventure, but not this kind of spook work, why?

SAMANTHA
I wanted to show them all that a woman was capable of doing these things. That it could be accomplished unemotionally and detached. Previously only men had performed these contracts.

GABE
And you were good at it, weren’t you?

SAMANTHA
Very good, the best in my field, that’s what this appointment was about.

10

GABE
You were being kicked upstairs.

SAMANTHA
Yes, I’m about to head up a new unit consisting of very attractive women who could be trained like me. I would be the template for all future assignments.

GABE
Until now.

SAMANTHA
Until now.

GABE
Didn’t you think there’d ever be a day of reckoning?

SAMANTHA
Occasionally I had twinges of guilt, but I pushed them aside. I was a professional doing a professional job.

GABE
It’s time to quit stalling and fill out this questionnaire.

SAMANTHA
Right here, right now?

GABE
Until we do this elevator ain’t movin’.

SAMANTHA
Alright, how do I begin?

GABE
By that one thing, telling the truth.

BLACKOUT